Why do they shun only the DF/DA?

by ozziepost 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • iiz2cool

    I knew one young guy in my last cong that was never baptized, but was shunned when his meeting attendence was lower. He had a lot of homework because he started going to university.


  • Jim_TX

    I think that this is an interesting question.

    I also think that it may depend on the local congregation/elders - as to how one is viewed.

    I was a 'fader'. I was never 'shunned' perse... but then again, I was pretty much below the radar, and I think they may have not known how to 'handle' someone like me.

    I think that their 'official' position might be along the lines that someone who is a 'fader' - or 'inactive' (by their terms) - might still possibly return to their religion.

    Someone who is DFed or DAed... well... their rules are screwy. (What really is screwy is that they will shun an ex-JW - but will gladly talk to an ax murderer.)

    Anyway - there were many occassions when I accompanied the wifey to gatherings - mainly to support my young daughter - and also to make sure that things didn't get out of hand. (I'm more 'strict' than most JWs - hahahahahaha)

    There was one 'party' where I almost said something, too. The adults were drinking booze like it was going outta style - and no 'designated drivers'. Actually, it was my wifes' sister and her husband who brought the large cooler full of beer - and there wasn't more than 10 seconds that went by that they didn't have a can in their hand.

    They also 'bribed' one of the elders - by giving him a can or two.

    I don't drink beer - and have nothing against those who do - but... when you are tanking up on beer - and then have to drive many miles to get home - on an interstate freeway (speeds up to 70 mph) - and have a youngster who is only 6 or 7 years old in the car... well - you get the idea.

    Anyway - like I already said - their 'rules' are screwy.


    Jim TX

  • Country_Woman

    I am fading away - did'nt visit a kingdom hall for more then 2 years now - nor the congress nor anything else. Still they are talking to me, and they told me even some painfull things re other JW's "Oh, we could tell Branda that, she is allowed to know that" and that struck me as curious.....

    I think that shunning people is dufficult for all "human" dubs - they have to, but don't want it.

    There always will be some better then the Pope (Governing Body)

  • jws
    I've been musing to myself - just wondering about the position of those who get DF or who DA - they are given the shunning treatment whenever they come across those good old christian dubs. But those ex-dubs who simply fadeaway can come and go. Semingly they are ignored.

    I think it all depends. Those who DF/DA either commit a JW-"crime" or have made it known by DA'ing that they don't want to be a JW anymore.

    Those who fade away aren't known to have committed wrongdoing or to be opposed to the JWs. Unless the JWs know otherwise, they probably think the faders are just weak. There's always a chance to bring them back. So they're not going to treat them like outcasts. Even so, I've seen the "weak" ones treated kind of poorly too. People are cautious of them.

    Along the same lines, I've always wondered why talking with a DF'ed person is so bad. It's a DF offense in itself. While at the same time there's a warning not to become "unevenly yoked with unbelievers". Doesn't say treat them like a DF person, just don't get to close. So, I could sit and each lunch at work every day with a co-worker who does drugs and is having sex with a different partner every week. But if there was a JW who had sex once (and who probably feels really bad about it), I can't talk to him whatsoever. Not even a hello? Who is likely to be a worse influence? It's not about protecting me from the DF'ed person. It's all about punishment of the DF'ed person.

  • Gretchen956

    I don't think of myself as a fader, but I was never DFd or DAd. I just quit. I don't plan on giving them the power that is inferred by letting them make a judicial ruling for which they have no rights goddess or man given, nor do I plan on feeding into their power by writing in. Doing that allows them to feed off it and feel righteous. I will not give them any energy that way at all.

    I am in the position of living in an area that I have never been associated in as a JW. I am 250 miles, at least from the last place I did. So, if I'm not mistaken, they don't have any authority even in their own minds. I think it went that they would do it "to" you without judicial committee in the event you refused to comply, refused to meet, and were "bringing reproach." Thats the way I understood it, anyway. (As if ANYone could bring more reproach than they do with their policies!)

    But I was shunned even before I left. The only ones that did not shun me were my family who harassed me and were verbally abusive about what would happen to me if I didn't (the evils of armeggedon). I told them they had traveled 2,500 miles to verbally assault me in MY home, and that if they didn't want to treat me with respect they could just pack their little bags and get the hell out. They did that.

    Then, later they discovered I am a lesbian. Well all contact stopped with that news. Everyone knows it's contagious. So no family contact, for which I will be forever grateful!!

    And, these days I'm extremely grateful for my shunning. It saves me all that negativity and the rehashing of it all. Two immovable objects crashing into each other repeatedly.

    Ok so this is turning into a ramble..... what were we talking about again??


  • ozziepost
    I'm extremely grateful for my shunning. It saves me all that negativity and the rehashing of it all.

    A very good point, Sherry. I think you make a very valuable point, they really have done you a favor.

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