Letter From Society Say Going To a JW/Non-JW Wedding Has Consequences!

by minimus 43 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Well I know my ex-(still a JW and now an MS again) got special permission to go to our daughter's wedding last January.

    With so many people leaving this issue will pop up more and more and being as paranoid that the ex-s will "preach" to the actives and tell them the real truth is going to sky-rocket. (Like we have nothing better to do at a wedding).

  • toreador

    I know a man who is a baptized but a dfed fellow who went to his grandmothers funeral and then went to the reception afterwards and was asked to leave because as the elders told him some in attendance felt uncomfortable by his presence. This made him feel just sick.

  • wheres caleb?
    wheres caleb?

    I want someone else to think for me. I can read the bible, but I need someone else to explain it to me. Should I attend a wedding of a baptized witness marrying an unbaptized person? How shocking! My spiritual standing would be in jeapardy.

    I can still remember a friend of mine who died at Bethel. His family were unbelievers and they insisted on an open casket. It was decided that it was inappropriate, but they allowed it. I, personally, cannot explain what motivates their thinking.

    Apparently, my choices and my own relationship with God is determined by those who compromise God's standards whenever it serves their own purpose. Accountability means nothing to those that spew out rules and regulations in Jehovah's name.

  • Happy Guy :)
    Happy Guy :)

    It doesn't surprise me. When I was married in the 80s, my ex's parents and sister (who were JWs) boycotted the wedding. Actually it was worse: They promised to come but were a no show. When my ex's brother married outside "the truth" they boycotted his wedding as well - once again promising to attend but not showing even though they lived down the street (my ex and I attended but we were not JWs). Not only did they not attend the weddings they hard real problems acknowledging the legitimacy of the marriages. Many attempts were made to break up the unions after through a variety of manipulative means. When my ex's sister was married, the groom's mother was forbidden from attending because she had been disfellowshipped for smoking.

    I am surprised to hear these stories of JWs attending non JW weddings. I do not question the truthfulness it's just that it is so incredibly different from the attitudes of the JWs I met. I have often heard of the large differnces in attitudes amongst JWs depending on geographic areas. Clearly some are far more fundamental (or radical) than others. It's odd too because the JWs used to always brag how uniform they were in their beliefs regardless of where you went in the world.....just one more thing they lie to themselves about.

  • Netty

    I can tell you my own experince, when I had my wedding 10 years ago. My dad refused to walk me down the aisle due to the whole "unevenly yoked" bull. I still get upset when I think about it. There were many discussions among my witness family about whether they could or could not attend, what would or would not bother their conscience, what they could and could not do. (the toast, etc...) It gave me such a migraine stress headache to hear all their ridiculous discussions, things they were constantly having to check with the brothers on.

  • DaCheech
    I am surprised to hear these stories of JWs attending non JW weddings. I do not question the truthfulness it's just that it is so incredibly different from the attitudes of the JWs I met. I have often heard of the large differnces in attitudes amongst JWs depending on geographic areas. Clearly some are far more fundamental (or radical) than others

    This is 100% true!

    Meet Jw's from Cali and NY and compare them to Jw's from Texas throughout the midwest! you WILL SEE NIGHT AND DAY DIFFRENCE!

    I tell you that depending on the situation I have seen many diffrent things.

    My sister studied with JW's for 1 year, and when she got married my mom was told by elderette "a" not to go! My mom, and family went anyway (just stayed in the rear of the church). No sanctions were done to us!

    I recently attended a wedding (non JW) of my study that did not want to get baptized. Nobody said a whoot to me. I even at the grooms request (even though the ceremony was done by a priest) performed a prayer before dinner (I substituted God for Jehovah though). Nobody in the congregation had to know the details, and my wife seemed not to care

  • observador
    Many elders and MS's have unbelieving family members no in the society, and they have to appear as normal as possible to 'win them over'. I highly doubt that the society actually did this drastic step.

    I think that Shamus misunderstood what Minimus said. Minimus said that if an elder, ms or pioneer attends a wedding AND this is an "unequaled" one, he would be removed. I understand "unequaled" as being a wedding between a JW and a non-JW.

    Attending just about any wedding will not bear that consequence, as I understand it.

    So, what's so drastic about the new (?) Society policy? This is totally in line with their host of written and unwritten rules.


  • Scully

    Some 20 years ago, when Mr Scully and I were planning our wedding, I was told flat-out by the elders that if I asked my best friend (raised a JW but not yet baptized girl) to be in my wedding party, that they would not permit us to be married in the Kingdom Hall. I caved to their wishes, believing their logic that it might be just the thing she needed to get her to commit to The Truth?. It didn't work out that way. I lost my best friend - she never spoke to me again after that - and in protest, many of my friends from my "home" congregation boycotted the wedding. That's one of my biggest regrets in life and I wish it could be undone.

    Oddly enough, Mr Scully's brother became engaged to a young woman who was Studying? a few months later. Again the elders laid down the law with them and said that unless she got baptized, they would not let them be married in the Kingdom Hall. She did get baptized, but only after they postponed the wedding by several weeks. Since she didn't have any family who were JWs, the elders let her sister stand as her matron of honour, and they let her father give her away. You see, they were trying to Give a Good Witness? to these outsiders that they were "normal". They didn't feel that they needed to Give a Good Witness? to my best friend who already Knew The Truth?.

    It still pissed me off that their control-mongering caused the destruction of a friendship. The double standard exists because they do whatever makes for the best Infomercial.

    Love, Scully

  • BluesBrother

    I would really like to see a scan of that letter. I do not doubt that Minimus was told what he said.. However, I wonder how they would apply the rule. It has not been the norm to have a 'offense and punisment ' attitude to such things except 'gross sins' .. But , of course things can always change

  • jwbot

    I had a longer reply written up but of course lost it as what usually happens...

    Anyway just wanted to say that I was almost married to an ex-JW and the same thing happened and my family did not want to come. After elders told them not to come. At that point, I had not done anything "wrong" except fall in love with an ex-jw.

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