ND and CB
I think you have answered correctly (as have others) that she needs to make these decisions.
As for going to the police over a person who exposed himself umpteen years ago I don't honestly think the police would get involved. Not that I think what happened was ok. It most definitely was not. It was inexcusable. But there are backlogs of more serious cases that will most defiitely take precedence. (rotten world sometimes)
Sexual abuse does involve non-contact forms of sexuality such as exposing oneself.
What you can do and I would suggest that might help you and your daughter:
Sit down and write her a letter. I say write it instead of just telling her because it will be more helpful to her in the long run to have it written down so she can go over it and really digest your words and love for her.
Let her know how this makes you feel about what he did. And let her know she did not do anything to deserve this (you may have said it but it needs repeating)
Let her know that you feel so sad that she could not or did not come to you earlier with this. Apologize for whatever reasons she thought she could not come to you. (her perceptions at the time and may not be a reflection of who you are or the relationship really was). Let her know that regardless of how upsetting it was to hear that you are glad she trusts you enough now to share this with you.
Ask her how you can help her now. Leave this open and don't offer suggestions. Just let her know the door is always open regarding this issue and that you will follow her direction. Also let her know that as much as you would like to "do something" and take control let her know you realize that now that she is an adult she needs to be in control and clearly is in control. And that you are proud of her.
Write the letter and put it away for a couple of days and then take it out and read it. Change what you need to change and put it away again. Do the same thing until there are no more changes and then give it to her.
As for your feelings about all of this:
I imagine a lot of anger and helplessness. Writing the letter as suggested above will help. But... got a punching bag? Go to the gym? Try something physical and safe to release the anger. Turn up the radio and scream all you want at this guy in the safety of your house. Might be a good idea to do this when CB is not around. Write him a letter NOT to be sent and say whatever you want. Then tear it to shreads the way you might want to tear him to shreds. Get an old phone book and tear that to shreds. (I've had itty bitty female clients tear huge 4 inch phone books to shreds) The important thing is to release the anger in a safe way. And then find something nice to do for yourself and CB
(((ND & CB)))