Please help! ( I have a question?)

bsylva

My question is this,

Im in love with someone who is a witness, She means the world to me. And she loves me as well. However I was baptised as a Catholic as a child. Her parents say they will never except me cause im not a witness. Im 28 years old and have a good job. I dont drink or do any drugs and i have a College Education. I dont understand what it is to be a witness, but its not like im not open to it. I dont know what to do, as i would love to marry this women. But i want her to be happy and not have to choose between her family, myself and our beliefs. How do i make things right to get there blessings. I feel as if the life of me is being drained and i cant bear to see her unhappy. Can someone please advise.

Sincerly,

bsylva

amac

You would be surprised how many people come to this board in your situation. I think you will find that the most general response will be "RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!!"

Seriously though, the Jehovah's Witnesses religion teaches that it is wrong to marry outside of the faith. The religion WILL be a division in your marriage unless your mate is determined to go against what she has been taught and put you and her marriage first.

Odrade

Sadly, the only thing you could possibly do to get their blessing, is convert. And even that might not be enough. There would be many people who would accuse you of converting just for her, and it could prove embarrassing for the family. (As ridiculous as that sounds.) And converting, unlike many religions, means that you would have to not only accept, but embrace whole-heartedly, all of their beliefs. Including the ones that say all of YOUR Catholic family will likely be killed by a vengeful God at Armaggedon for not worshipping the "True God."

Make no mistake, this organization is NOT like other Christian religions. They have no concept of Christian charity, or Grace, or even Love Thy Neighbor. Sad really.

If your lady has determined to throw off all things JW (and not just for you) you might stand a chance, although it would certainly be rocky at best. I'm sorry you are going through this, it must be terribly difficult.

Odrade

Nosferatu

Here's a sad truth if you convert to her faith just to be with her: No matter what you do or what you say, the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society will always be more important than you in your marriage. Whatever the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society says about marriage, she must follow. Your opinion doesn't necessarily matter. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society will tell her that oral sex is wrong. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society will tell her that she must divorce you if you change religions in the future. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society instructs that she prevents her children from getting a blood transfusion even if means the death of the children. Your opinion doesn't matter. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society will be in control of your marriage. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society will always be the first love in her life. You will be much further down the list. Here's approximately where you will sit in her list of important people in her life:

1. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society
2. The Circuit Overseer
3. The Elders
4. Other members of the Congregation
5. Her parents
6. Her husband (ie. YOU)

Unless she leaves the religion, this list is permanent. Number Six is the highest position of importance you will be in her life. Don't be surprised if you end up much lower.

cyber-sista

When I became a JW my husband did not. We had a good marriage, but....I was always a second rate citizen in the congo and there was always a lot of pressure on me to pressure my husband and he was not always treated with respect. Our social life was minimal because a lot of witnesses didn't want to associate with my hubby. We had a daughter who I took to the meetings who never became a JW and in the end they tried to tear our family apart. I am so sorry for your situation. this is not an easy one. The religion will truly stand in the way of your marriage. There are many real life stories here on this site about what happens to families who are involved with this religion. I finally woke up one day and left the religion because of what I saw it doing to people's lives. Please study up before you get involved with these people. Find out how they truly view those who are not of their faith. The woman you are involved with probably has hopes of converting you and will be very disappointed if this is not the case.

Netty

If you have children, that knocks you further down Nos's list:

1. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society
2. The Circuit Overseer
3. The Elders
4. Other members of the Congregation
5. Her parents

6. CHildren
7. Her husband (ie. YOU

Bubbamar

OMG - I feel sorry for you! JW's are a CULT not a religion. You have no idea what a huge impact this will have on your life. You will never celebrate Christmas in your home again. If you want to spend Christmas with your family be prepared to go alone and to fight about whether the kids can go with you. My dad was not a JW but I never got any christmas, birthday, haloween, easter, etc. - not because he believed it was wrong - but because of the constant ~~bitching~~ preaching from my mom.

The blood issue is life threatening -- do not discount what a JW will do in these situations.

Please, please, please do a lot more research about this destructive cult before you marry into it. Some suggestions: Crisis of Conscience - Raymond Franz, Releasing the Bonds or Combatting Mind Control - Steven Hassan.

Don't think that you will be able to "fake" your joining and just quietly maintain your own beliefs and your own life. The pressure will never end to be a better witness - go in more service, pioneer, etc, etc, etc. You will have to agree with every false prophesy and piece of garbage that the WTBTS puts out or else you will be DISFELLOWSHIPED and then the nightmare will really begin!

I know the thought of ending a relationship over religion probably seems a distant and unwarranted option. But this is not about incompatability over religion - like it would be if a catholic were marrying a jew. That would bring with it some issues. But you would be marrying a cult member and that brings with it a great deal of baggage. If you doubt that it is a cult - just mention the word to her and watch what happens. You will be discounted and she will probably bring up some other cult - like the Branch Dividians to discredit you. But she will not encouraged you to discuss further the idea of the JW's being a cult - nor will she read Hassan's book.

In summary: RUN

johnny cip

drop her like a hot potatoe; find a nice girl that will not judge you on your religion. lots out there looking for a clean guy. you will curse yourself for the next 50 years for marring a jw witch . you will have to just to trust me on this. hope you find true love . john

kls

Welcome to the forum, the reason everyone here say's to run is because they are trying to stop you from being hurt. I know you are in love with her and it is easier said then done to run. Gosh there have been so many coming here and really i don't think they really understand what it is like being married to someone who is in love with a organization a thing that can't love you back unless there are conditions on their term's.I am married to a JW and i am not going to go into the hell it is but please listen to all that are trying to tell you and help you but i fear no matter what you are told you will not believe and someday you will be on this board begging for help.

Sirona

Hi & Welcome

Here are a couple of links from previous threads which might help you:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/76192/1.ashx a young person involved with a JW

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/75883/1223779/post.ashx#1223779 a dad who is shunned by his JW daughter

The second link is there because you need to be aware that if you have a relationship and she remains JW, any children may shun you in future. There are many on this board who sadly have been abandoned by family, including their own children,

Sirona

Please help! ( I have a question?)

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