Please help! ( I have a question?)

by bsylva 45 Replies latest social relationships

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  Nosferatu

  please tell me more as i just cannot give up on her or our relationship...

  While your head in a world full of rainbows, fluffy clouds, and warm rays of love shining down on you, you've got no clue where you're about to step.

  When you are blinded by emotions of love, you haven't a clue what you're doing. There are millions of women on this earth, and you happened to fall in love with one - a very small fraction of the worlds population. This one woman happens to be a JW. JWs are also a small fraction of the world's population .

  You've got a great big world full of women, many who are not attached to a controlling religion and have parents who won't judge you on your religious status. Of the millions of women out there, there HAS to be one without the issue this woman has. There HAS to be a woman who will accept you for you, and who won't require you to change your entire belief system.

  It's difficult to separate from someone who you've developed a fondness for, but millions of people do it everyday. Nobody dies of a broken heart. People commit suicide because they convince themselves that they cannot live with a broken heart, but nobody dies directly from a broken heart.

  You may not want to face the time you wasted with this person, but it's never a waste. You'll come out with some very good life experiences that you can learn from. If you don't learn from your expeiences, that's when your time is wasted.

  A weak man will hand over all his control over to someone else, but a strong man will take control of his life, and do whatever he choses with it.

  ...and where the hell is prgirl when you need her? She went through the same thing you're going through now.
• 

  bsylva

  Dave,

  Thank you for sharing that with me. I will print all this informain out and have a talk with her when i get home today. I only hope we can compromise and figure something out.

  thanks,

  bsylva
• 

  dh

  all this being said, and no matter how it is spun, if love is limited it is not love.
• 

  seven006

  bsylva,

  I hope your love for each other is stronger than her trust in the watchtowers continually changing teachings. That is your only hope. For her to see that, or even want that, she will have to do what I told you that you would have to do, but in reverse. The JW's only accept absolutes. Most all cults do the same thing.

  Good luck and if it ends badly, there are a lot of open minded intelligent people on this board who will give you a very understanding listening ear. Helping victims of the watchtower is one of the reasons we are here.

  Take care

  Dave
• 

  Jez

  A marriage without honesty and openness is doomed from the beginning. I am curious about why she even started to date a 'worldy person' as this is not allowed?? Have you kept this secret from her parents this whole time?? Aren't you afraid that she is so attracted to you in part because you are 'the forbidden fruit'? You fall in love with each other and SHE knows the whole time that she is not suppose to marry an 'unbeliever'? Is she baptised as a JW? Check it out. If not, that will make this a whole lot easier, if she is baptised then she MUST adhere to every rule and regulation that the society imposes, as already mentioned in this thread.

  Perhaps she was looking for a way out, why would she venture out even a little? She knows exactly what the implications are for a worldy relationship, maybe you are her crutch to get out? Even if she is willing to give it all up for you, (which would be better in my view than you joining the cult), it will be a HUGE strain on your marriage. She will have to leave behind her entire way of life, friends, customs, religion and family. A reconstruction will have to take place that takes years and is one of the most painful journeys I have ever tried. NO ONE can understand, except other ex-witnesses, what we go through when we disengage from a religion that we would have died for at one time.

  Please keep us posted and best of luck. Many of us here have given up JW religion for the person we love and never regret it. Life works in mysterious ways. Be careful and go slow with whatever decisions you make, time will reveal your path.

  Jez
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  DaCheech

  As a Jehovah's Witness we use a very derogotory term to non-witnesses: the are "worldly"! And thus are you!
• 

  Billygoat

  You're welcome. Sorry I had to be so blunt. I was a JW when I had my non JW girlfriend convert her life over to being a JW for me, We loved each other very much. After we married and she spent a little under a year discovering the things I just told you, she left me. I lost the love of my life because I did not have a clue what real love meant. That was 25 years ago. I still miss her.

  I never knew that. I'm so very sorry.

  Andi
• 

  seven006

  Andi,

  You are such a sweetheart. Don't feel bad, I put it all into perspective a long time ago.

  Life goes on.

  Big hug,

  Dave
• 

  Greenpalmtreestillmine

  bsylva,

  The sister you've been dating knew full well that JWs are told not to marry outsiders and she must have known how her parents felt about it. It's not you who needs to decide what to do but rather she does. She's the one who knowingly got involved in a situation that, unless she leaves the Witnesses, could lead to nothing but hurt or conversion for you.

  Sorry about this whole thing.

  Sabrina
• 

  seven006

  bsylva,

  To give you a little more in-depth perspective on what Greenpalm is trying to say, Many of the teaching of JW's go against natural feelings. They are taught to lie to themselvs at a young age. Their inner voice tells them one thing and the 12 old men running the cult tell them to feel something else.

  They not only persuade their followers to go against natural feelings of love, friendship and truly loving your neighbor as yourself, they also convince their followers that their warped definition of such things are from god. They are masters of manipulating the bible to fit the whims of their founding leaders. To assure that no one questions these twisted thoughts and feelings, they cut you off in a psychological death sentence if you do not completely comply and agree with them.

  Im sure your girlfriend loves you, but they will do their best to convince her and you that what you have is not real love. They will go against what most people understand as love and give you an interpretation of what their leaders say it is.

  What most people understand the thought as, love your neighbor as yourself, they say it means going to their door and telling them about their religion. Not helping them when they are down or hungry or grieving, but simply handing them a watchtower, telling them to read it, study the bible only with their publications defining it and going to their meetings.

  That is not the definition of love. But, that may be what your girlfriend is fighting inside herself to deal with. She does have doubts about the religion, if she didn't, she wouldn't be with you. She is fighting what she feels to be true, and what she has been taught to be true. There is not one single one of this on this board who has not gone through that inner battle.

  I do not think she is totally responsibly to any lies she may have told you, but instead she may be refusing to recognize the lies she has told herself. It's all a part of the religion. Lying to yourself is the key to staying in the religion. I did it for over twenty years.

  Here is something I wrote last year about a visit I made to their would headquarters in New York http://www.freeminds.org/bethel/dave.htm If she is willing to read it, it may open her eyes a little bit. If not, then you may have a little glimpse of how she is going to look at you, and your relationship in the future.

  Dave