Love or respect, which do you want, are you settling for less? (page 2)

Terry

I'll play Socrates here and answer your question with a question of my own.

What would distinguish respect in any way from love?

Both love and respect are values applied after inspection, measurement and application of one's personal standard of excellence.

Would I marry somebody I loved but did not respect?

Could I respect somebody I did not love? It seems so, but, I can't put my finger on why. That is a good indication to me that the definition is blurred. To respect somebody you accord them an honor in response to a quality you recognize in them.

Definition: Respect is treating people as they should be treated. Specifically, respect is indicative of compassion and consideration of others, which includes a sensitivity to and regard for the feelings and needs of others and an awareness of the effect of one's own behavior on them. Respect also involves the notion of treating people justly.

I could live with being respected even if I were not loved. Although, once again, I cannot really distinguish how such would transpire in everyday interaction.

Not to put too fine a point on it I will go over the top and say this. If I love somebody I would give my life for them. If I respect somebody they will not be attending my funeral on that account.

Terry

LittleToe

Terry:
I think I can just about get my head around what you're saying.
I prefer being terse, myself

Xena

Sometimes you love someone because it's expected...like your parents or other family members so the respect can be there or not depending on circumstances and actions. The people I CHOOSE to love....friends and significant others I have to respect or I wouldn't have chosen them to love...if I should lose respect for those people I might still care for them but I expect I would choose to spend less time with them.

As for people loving me....I know at times my parents lacked respect for me and my decisions, but still loved me. With them I was willing to accept that. For the person I spend my life with I expect both love and respect or I would rather be alone.

bisous

Love without respect can apply in a coupla situations I can think of:

-your newborn child....incapable of earning respect based on individual actions. You marvel and respect the process that brought them to you, and love them unconditionally and with a high degree of hysteria...(!)...just try and harm a hair on their head...in word or action and experience the irrational response...you'll understand what I mean.

-JW relatives....example, my mother is in the cult. I love her (sorta) for giving me life, etc. but I have zero respect for her.

-loved ones gone wild....more than a few of mine have turned to alcohol, drugs, etc. and have diminished the respect I once had for them. Still love them with all my heart.

-for a life partner it would be critical for both to be evident (towards me and on my part for them) in order to make the situation tenable.

jwbot

I love my family, but do not respect them as a whole...but for intimate relationships you just can not have one without the other for it to be a good one.

For me, a mate that did not respect me...I would not love or respect. He could not possibly claim he loved me if he did not respect me.

Little Miss Eco Worrior

I don't believe that you can have love without some measure of respect. Even family members who have prehaps let you down over certain issues still hold some measure of our respect even for things which they have done in the past, which we admire and rember them for.

As for getting involved in the witnesses i think when i realsied that the only love available was conditional on obaying orders without questioning anything, that type of love is disrespectful and damaging.

bem

Definition: Respect is treating people as they should be treated. Specifically, respect is indicative of compassion and consideration of others, which includes a sensitivity to and regard for the feelings and needs of others and an awareness of the effect of one's own behavior on them. Respect also involves the notion of treating people justly.

I still respect the man I was married to for 26 years, although I at times did not love him and for several good reasons. It took me years to realize I was loseing myself to keep up the act of marriage based on respect alone. So now I question did I respect blindly someone who did not deserve it? according to the definition above I treated him as he should be treated...but he did not treat me that way. I stayed a year after I decided to leave because he was sick and I couldn't leave then... outta respect to the Vows that serious contract I made with him. I always had the highest regard for his feelings,needs. And seldom acted out in a way to have my behavior adversly affect his life or the lives of our children...Always wanted home to be a place that was welcome and quite to come home to... okay maybe he didn't deserve it... I didn't waste my time just learned valuable lessons along the way to being a work in progress. better for the work here. But for both to be fulfilled you gotta have love and respect.

Sunnygal41

My take? We all deserve basic respect for being people. And, there are different levels of love............to which one are you referring Mav?

dh

i can live without love of any sort, but i cannot live without respect of some sort.

Maverick

So many good and thoughtful points! I am impressed!

To give ones life would seem to be a defining point, but many have died for an Ideal or a respected comrade.

And as Xena and Sirona insightfully brought out, love would need a foundation of mutual respect. I agree that I could not love fully without it.

dh made a point cooked down so finely that it stopped me cold!

Little Toe has made the statement that love is the greater. I can see his point, but as a man I require respect to function, and give love to be fulfilled. We all want love, but do we settle for respect to fill the void?

And as Sunnygal asked which kind of love? I dispute the WTS concept of the four kinds. I think they overlap too greatly to compartmentalize them so.

Mav

Love or respect, which do you want, are you settling for less?

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