Babygirl:
I have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. I'll tell you a little bit about my situation.
I met my future wife when we were in the 8th grade. She was born into a family associatied with Jehovah's Witness's, I was born into a family of Presbyterians. We were both active in our families churches.
We became good friends and at about 15 to 16 years old we started dating. A big factor here was that my "wife to be" had not been babtised as a Jehovah's Witness. This is very important.
I got along well with most of my wife's family. I may not have been fully accepted, but for the most part, they liked me. One of my wifes brothers did want to start a bible study with me. I read a few things he asked me to read, but I never got very far with it.
After a few years, and lots of things happening in between, we decided to get married. I was almost 20 years old, my wife had just turned 20. My wife's religion was important to her, and I agreed that any children we had in the future could be brought up as Jehovah's Witnesses. Our wedding ceremony was even performed by a JW minister (he was later removed as a ministerial servant because he preformed our wedding).
After we were married a few months, my wife wanted to start a study for us both. A lady from the Kingdom Hall came by every week and we studied a book called "You can live forever on a paradise earth." My wife agreed with everything in the book. It all made perfect sense to her. I, on the other hand, had lots of problems with some of the things we were studying. I certainly did not think that all other religions were false. I knew better. But, I was young and very much in love. I did the best I could and started attending some of the meetings with my wife. Although we did go to some meetings, my wife did not get babtised at this time.
After about a year of marriage, my wife became pregnant with our first child. We were so young. I was 21 when our first son was born. As agreed, my wife wanted to take him to the Kingdom Hall. She also started another study with a different lady. By this time, we decided she should stay home with our child and I'd work as much as I needed to to be the provider for our family. I did not attend the study with my wife and I stopped going to the meetings. I really thought they were boring anyway, and I was always worn out on Sunday after working the other 6 days a week. Somehow, during a time that seemed like I was never at home, my wife became pregnant with our second child. I don't mean to sound like I thought the child was not mine, nothing could be futher from the truth. We were just so busy at this time, that I don't really know how it happened.
Shortly after the birth of our second son, my wife made the decision that she would be babtised. I also agreed to another bible study with an elder at her Kingdom Hall. I really liked the brother I started studing with. By this time, I was no longer working on Saturday's and he would come by at about 8:00 am and we would have our study usually while everyone else in the house slept. This brother was going through a rough time personally, and sometimes our studies would become more of a consuling session. He would tell me all of his problems and I'd listen and try to offer encouragement to him.
Our study continued for about a year. I was at a point that I decided I needed to make a decision about religion. Before I became a babtised Jehovah's Witness, I decided I needed to look at the other side of the religion. I needed to see the things that "apostates" said. I wanted to know both sides. Back then, there was no internet, so the only way to find any information was a local library or Christian bookstores that might have books about the Witnesses. It did not take me long to find what I was looking for. I bought a book that showed how many changes the Witnesses had made over the years. It talked about the failed dates the organization had set and lots of other things that can be found easily on the net these days.
I came home and showed my wife, thinking she'd have the same reaction I'd had. "How could they lie about so many things." She had a very opposite reaction. She was mad at me for looking at something critical of the Witnesses. She was even broken hearted to a point because she thought I would be babtised shortly. To this day, she gets upset with me for reading this very web site.
To try to make a long story not quite as long: We are still married, 20 plus years. We love each other dearly. We have three children. I go to the meetings on Sunday's but am not babtised and don't ever intend to be.
We still have problems. At a meeting a few weeks back, the speaker was talking about "Christians" (buzz word for Jehovahs Witnesses) that marry outside the organization. He stated that this was a mistake and that Jehovah would never bless such a marriage. My wife and I had a major fight over this. After all these years, taking care of her and our children, being the best father I can be, I'm still not good enough.
I don't regret our marriage. I believe God has a plan for us. At one time I thought I could show people at Kingdom Hall that a person can have differences of opionion that keep them from being babtised and still be a good person. I thought I could make a difference.
I've come to realize, this thinking is what made me a "blindfool."
Two of my sons are now teenagers. The older one show's very little interest in the Jehovahs Witnesses religion right now. He is dating a "worldly girl" that I really like. My wife likes her too, but she does not approve of his relationship with her. My middle son goes to meetings on Sunday's but he is not babtised and I don't think he will be anytime soon. My youngest son is at an age where he still does what his mom and dad tell him to do.
Our marriage works because we have a mutual respect for each others beliefs. I really do respect my wife and her opinions. She repects mine also. Although we don't always agree on everything, we always respect each other.
I don't really believe the witness as a whole are terribly bad. Sometimes the strict religions attract a certain type of people. People that like having power over other people. A lot of times these are the people that wind up in the most powerful positions at the Kingdom Hall. When an elder is on a power trip, watch out!! It is amazing the power an elder has over a babtised Jehovah's Witness.
In the end, I think Jesus or Jehovah or God will judge each one of us individually. I don't think it makes a difference if we are Jehovahs Witnesses, Muslims, Catholic, Babtist, whatever. Each of us must stand on our own merrit.
You don't have to make a decision on what your religion is going to be right now. Jesus was not babtised until he was 30 years old!!!
My advice is take it slow, have a study if you'd like. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE AGREE TO BE BABTISED!!! This is a lifelong decison that will affect your whole life. This decision is even harder to back away from than a failed marriage. You can go to court and get a divorce, but if you change your mind after babtism, you are as good as dead to everyone at the Kingdom Hall!!!
You can ride the fence for a long time but once you take the plunge, they have control.
Study the bible if you wish, make plans to go to college. Decide the job you would like to do. Give yourself lots of time. I know this advice is hard to understand. But you have so much time ahead of you. You can do anything you could want to with your life, unless you give that control over to someone or some organization. Pray earnestly about your situation. Study different religions. Find out what you believe before you let someone decide what you believe for you.
Peace to you,
BDF
