Hello, and welcome Fencesitter! Just read your biography. It's difficult to make drastic changes in one's life, especially after they've been doing the same thing for decades. There are many people here who left the "truth" at your age, and even later. It might be difficult to start over again, but it's not impossible.
I have lost the central concept of my life: spirituality.
I guess you could say you're starting fresh with a blank slate. Your life isn't over yet, and it won't be over for a while. Armageddon isn't coming anytime soon, so you have some time to develope a new life for yourself!
I have put my life into the hands of Jehovah seeking a physical complement
I put my life into Jehovah's hands when I was getting bullied at school. Jehovah did piss all for me, and my self-esteem sank even lower. I prayed constantly for help, but I got none. I had to work hard to get my self-esteem back up. It was a lot of work, but I'm quite happy with myself now.
What you've done by leaving the "truth" is opened up a whole new world for yourself. You now have every single woman in the world to choose from. You no longer have to worry about her being a JW. She can be Agnostic, Catholic, Baptist, etc etc. It doesn't matter anymore! There's a lot of single women out there, all you have to do is find them. The best part is any woman you end up with isn't going to love Jehovah's shitty Organization more than you!
Now my parents are dead and I have no past except what haunts me. And I feel I have no future. I feel really bad.
It's difficult when you realize how much time you wasted on a big lie. I'll tell you something, you don't have a future anymore. It was to be filled with field service, going to meetings, Armageddon, and Paradise Erf. All that was put into your future by someone else. Now that you've left, you've wiped it clean. You have a blank future that you can fill up with your own goals! If you've never been on a date with a woman, well, make that a goal! If you've never been intimate with a woman, make that a goal too! Make plans to take up dancing, singing, playing an instrument, martial arts, basically anything that interests you. This is now YOUR future, not the Watchtower Society's.
Fencesitter, there are a lot of positives about your situation, you just have to look for them. You no longer have to attend meetings 3 times a week. You no longer have to worry about getting your hours in. You no longer have to worry about what the elders think. You've just had a lot of stress removed from your life. You've opened a door for yourself, and you can do ANYTHING you want!
I wish you well on your new adventure through life.