you are a survivor. I knew I recognized one of my people! given all you've overcome, this is small change! get some sleep and when you get up, revel in the gift of your sons. my children were and continue to be my lifeline. you are right, in the end ... that is ALL that matters.
sadly, sometimes there are no answers. by the way Tatiana, you have a family of sorts here. we may not be much, but we do care.