"We Had No Idea How Manipulative He Can Be!"

by pale.emperor 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pbrow


    Even though your girl is only 2 years old she will not be that way forever. If anything in this world is true, having an ex who is an uber-jdub is extremely frustrating. I have had good and bad results with a lawyer and without. Only you can determine how you want to proceed. Court is extremely expensive with a lawyer and at least moderately expensive w/out one.

    The courts I have been in (wisconsin) do not give two shits about the religion, hers or yours. Do not make it about religion in the courts, simply make it about behaviors. For your girl, make sure you get AT LEAST 50/50 custody. When they are young that is what is most important. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT then placement. Give her a normal life, friends, activities, holidays, sports and as she gets older the insane bubble world of the jdubs will become painfully obvious to her.

    I have two young teens now. I got out when they were 5 and 3. You are going to be extremely frustrated for literally the next 16 years. Accept it and always remember that showing your daughter that a normal life is ok. It is more important than anything, your frustration especially. It is a long road but it is completely worth it. The lives my girls lead is awesome.... great friends, great grades, involved in school and sports, love the holidays and most importantly they ask questions and do not accept asinine reasoning.

    Good luck, the fight is worth it.


  • raven

    Terrible terrible!! Pale, lawyer up at all costs, your ex is a looney toon and the elders are only getting started with harassment based on your daughters claim.. Evil, they shouldn't have ever asked a 2yr old baby about this. I am positive your ex put that thought into her innocent mind.

  • A Believer
    A Believer

    Instead of claiming you're 2 year old is a liar, a group should be gathered with you their, and see if she will still say it.

  • respectful_observer

    "Do not make it about religion in the courts, simply make it about behaviors."

    Yup, what pbrow said.

    JWs love to frame issues that should be handled in a court of law into a "congregation matter". I've seen this several times first-hand with a good friend. Whenever he caves to his ex wife and handles it with the congregation he loses-- custody, school choice, financial matters, you name it; when he stands firm and refuses to bring the brothers in and forces the courts to oversee, he wins...every time.

  • Listener

    A Believer - Instead of claiming you're 2 year old is a liar, a group should be gathered with you their, and see if she will still say it.

    I'm no child expert but I question whether this is a good approach.

    Pale.emporer knows whether his daughter is telling the truth or not. It's highly unlikely that the child just made this up and then told her mum. More likely, is the ex made it up and claimed their daughter told her.

    Putting a 2 year old in the middle of this is not appropriate and it's even more wrong to put a young child in front of a group and ask her to repeat something that her mother is claiming and the child, in reality, does not know to be evident when she visits. How confusing for the child.

  • GrreatTeacher

    This reads just like all the stories over at reddit, raisedbynarcissists.

    Narcissists can't step outside of their own point of view.

    This does them no service, however, it also leaves them at a disadvantage when trying to defend themselves, as in court.

    They sare too shortsighted, and also incredibly isolated, to understand what will actually get them a sympathetic ear in an actual court or in the court of public opinion. (See the Royal Commission in Australia.)

    Use this to your advantage; be the chess player who can think 4 moves ahead.

    Just do your homework. Do more homework than you've ever done in your life. Have a child custody plan to present to the court, and have the reasons and references to prove it.

    Then, secondarily, study up on the likely JW responses and plan your counter-responses.

    It's winnable, pale.emperor. Ask around about others' experiences with the local family court to discover its biases and assumptions. Use this knowledge in your plan.

    Plan. Plan. Plan. Play offense. Plan for defense, as well. Go in confident. Find a solicitor who believes in you, and you him/her.

    This is your equivalent of your doctoral thesis. Make it your work. If you work 40 hours a week, put in another 40 in research and planning. Make it your fulltime job to fight for your little girl!

    We all believe in you!

  • Thisismein1972

    A Believer. Thank you so much for confirming something we needed to hear. You have inadvertently put your organisation in deep dodo.

    That jehovah's Witnesses do indeed use intimidation to silence those who speak out. Especially in the case of child abuse!

  • pale.emperor

    A Believer a day ago

    Instead of claiming you're 2 year old is a liar, a group should be gathered with you their, and see if she will still say it.

    I'm claiming my 2yo is a liar? When did i call her anything A Believer? My 2yo cant possible articulate the things she's apparently said. Unless some elders have given her yes or no questions to which she doesn't even understand. Sit a toddler down with two old men in suits glaring at her, along with her mother and grandparents and maybe, just maybe, the whole thing would seem a little odd and frightening dont you think? Do you think elders are trained in child psychology? child welfare?

    i dont think my 2yo even knows whats going on.

    While you're here can you explain to me why we're all still here even though the generation that will by no means pass away has... passed away? Unless of course your god was incapable of transmitting the "overlapping generation" teaching to the governing body? I await your answer.

  • Vidiot

    Damn, fundies get vicious when they're pissed off.

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