Are You a "Mess" Since Leaving The Organization or Are You OK? (page 2)

LyinEyes

For the first several months,,,,beginning with my hub telling me what he found on the internet , until shortly after I d/a myself I was a mess. I couldnt sleep, nightmares, cried , tried to pray ,,,,,it was exhausting.

I just gave up on worrying about it all and decided to live my life for once in my life. If the end came tomorrow,,,,,,, I hope I had fun the day before. I reasoned with myself that I will never know all the answers and in time, more would be revealed to me when I was ready for new things, speaking of spiritual things other than JW.

So I just went out to have some fun, spend more time with family, friends, do things with the kids.....work on building a new relationship with them,since the old me, MOM , did alot of things diff. I had to readjust my listening skills and develope an open mind dealing with a teenage son.

I am happier than I have ever been in my life,,,,,,,,,of course there are life's ups and down, but I hear that is normal..........,,,,,,,,lol.

I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel tired out waiting for the end to come, and I take try to do things for other people that does not include pushing unwanted mags on them. That makes me happy.

I might be a mess alot of the times, but it has little to do with any lingering doubts, bitterness as much as it did before.

Mostly I am a mess because of other issues in life, and some old,old, childhood jw stuff. But I am making it!!!!!!!!!!!

Stefanie

I have a low self confidence issue. I am always trying to find ways to improve my appearence. For some reason being a JW made me feel ugly phsically perhaps it was the stupid dress code. Or perhaps it was my exs fixation of porn. I was suicidal myself also taking lots of sleeping pills at night. I lost a lot of weight. I was forced to stay at home, the kids were forced to stay at home. I lost myself in music and thats the place I found myself in lyrics that matched my life. And I had an anger that I took to MBs from that band and I met alot of friends and I started chatting with one. So when my ex found the stuff on the pc he threatend to call the elders but didnt. It was because he was one also and didnt want to look bad infront of his "freinds" for not being able to control me and all.

Ok I went way off topic. Yes I am still messed over, but yes I have healed alot.

Thanks for letting me vent on this thread.

family_man

I'm trying to understand what you all are going through so I can be there for my wife. I scan this site every day but can never really get a even a glimpse of what WT put every one through... b/c I don't know what to compare this to ... any lies I've ever been told did not reach deep into my mental and spiritual framework ...

This is a dark time in our lives. I can see the hopelessness in my wife's eyes. I'm trying to get her to talk to me but I think she is trying to be strong for our sake (my daughter and I). Part of it I think is that she feels she was never really in. I suspect this is a grand denial ... the effects are enough to keep her struggling with what to do and where to go next. She feels lost and confused. She thought this was the one tru religion. Her sisters are into WT big time. She feels she'll never be able to get them out.

Sometimes I feel I ripped the bandaid off too fast in showing her all that you folks have revealed to me. Now I can't stop the pain.

... not sure if I did the right thing in showing her all the websites at once, but I've been trying to get her to post here so she can let it all out and share with you ... I can feel the heart break that the truth has brough upon her ... I can imagine the thoughts going through her mind as she sits on the couch wearing the thousand mile stare ...

Stefanie

Family Man, IMO actions speak louder than words. I think you need to show how much fun the world is. Take a vaction with your family to get their minds off of things. Show her that life is not about religion but about how much she is loved and treasured. Always reassure her, telling her how much more she means to you than any religion. If she isnt talking to you then there might be a problem.

shamus

As you all know, I suffer from horrible bouts of depression.

However,

I am 300 times better now. I don't get beat down three times per week! I don't feel like I have let the congregation down with every action and step that I do!!!

I FEEL GREAT, THANK YOU!

I will never forget the way that I felt there. They can suck eggs.

franklin J

I left many years ago ( started fading in the late 70s and was out for good by '82). Yes, I was a mess. I was angry, confused, depressed; especially when I realized that I was not going to live forever! HAH!

I did put myself into therapy for 2 years; which helped. I worked hard at keeping a good positive mental attitude--not always easy. As time passed, I made new friends and had some good positive experiences in life; the fog lifted and life was good.

Time. It just takes a little time.

For me; it was a long, long time ago; in a galaxy far, far away..

minimus

Desi, I DO hope things get a lot better!!!!!

Elsewhere

much better. I was suicidal when I left - well before I left actually
Haven't thought of offing myself since then and that was way back in 85

That pretty much sums up my exit too.

I did not really leave the WTS on doctrinal issues... even though I had noticed to odd things that I ignored like a good little JW. The reason I left was because I realized that at my core I was atheist. I just don't perceive the "divine" as so many people seem to. Before I started to really see how they treated people who did not swallow whole all of their teachings I thought they were a nice bunch of people.

The great irony of it all is that the reason I did not kill myself was because I didn't want to "bring reproach on the organization". That?s right kids! I am alive today because I was afraid that there would be a newspaper article: "Jehovah's Witness Commits Suicide"

Really sick and twisted when you think about it. That's how fcked up in the head I was.

minimus

Elsewhere, I'm glad SOMETHING prevented you from sucide. I'm glad you're with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Puternut

A mess, no I can't say that. I do have messy things around me at times that affect me, but it's time for spring cleaning. There are some stubborn stains out there that need some scrubbing. Perhaps one 'room at a time'? But coming here, with many hands, makes the cleanup go faster.

Puternut

Are You a "Mess" Since Leaving The Organization or Are You OK?

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