Does it ever get easier? (page 2)

galaxy7

Hi Surfacing.

what a good post.

It will get better as time goes by.You are a good person and you dont need the watchtower to prove that to yourself.

Just by reading your letter I can sense you have good qualities.The more you research and read you will be released from the shackles

of the Organization. I can only talk from my personal experience but as a third generation JW I can tell you what we have been taught is not true. As a Christian I believe you will see your father again as I will see mine..No you arent on the dark side, you have come into the light.

I hope things go well for you and your wife,

Galaxy7

Doubtfully Yours

Surfacing,

Welcome! Loved your post; can tell right away you and your wife are good people. Please don't let the WTBTS get you so bitter that you stop being good.

It gets very easy with time, and the feelings of guilt go away completely.

DY

itsallgoodnow

I fear the ping pong game in my head is driving me to insanity. The guilt is so overwhelming, yet when I really analyze it, I don't think I'm really that evil.

I can totally relate to this. It does get easier, but I needed therapy. I'm still having to deal with JW issues, but at least I have some peace of mind now. Posting here has also been a real help for me.

little witch

Surfacing,

First, welcome! Glad to have you here.

Secondly, I can tell from your post that you are honest, sincere, and intelligent.

You have already correctly linked your guilty feelings with the watchtower doctrine and practices. Once we understand that link, we begin to make sense of our lives. That is very important to our healing.

It seems to me that you and your wife wanted to be together and have your love recognized. I applaud your efforts to make that happen. The love you share is obvious in your post.

But the hoops you will have to jump through will never end where the witnesses are concerned. I think you already see that.

I hope you stick around here, I can tell that you will fit in just fine. Many of us have gone through similar situations, or are going through it presently.

There is a married couple here, Big Tx and Cruzanheart, who were married for many years on oppisite sides of the fence. There are many other couples with similar stories. I encourage you to search for their posts so that you can relate, I think it will bring you great comfort that you are not alone in your feelings.

I am so glad to meet you dear, stick around and keep your chin up. Things will improve with time.

gitasatsangha

Surfacing,

It does get better. The first good feeling for me, at least, was to know I was not alone. That there were others, thousands even, who did feel the same way. We're all interconnected that way. When you are able to sense, even if at first only for brief moments, that feeling of real freedom and realness which the Watchtower can never offer, that freedom is a better feeling then a lifetime of trying to make your life fit into the watchtower machine. Welcome home.

Sassy

Hi Surfacing and welcome to JWD. You said a mouthful and we sure hope we can give you help as you weed through all the questions you have. It sounds like both you and your wife are having doubts about things. I used to have anxiety attacks, but only when I was believing in the religion. I think in many ways it is the fear, the guilt, the 'you can never do enough' trauma that brings many of those on for sincere people. I am also sad that you did not receive the support you should have when your father died. Unfortunately your story is not completely rare. Others too have been in circumstances where they should have been receiving love and yet in fact it wasn't there or even the opposite was shown, which is why many of us have left.

There is some excellent information on this site and others which will help you learn the truth about the Watchtower Society. The more you learn and are able to discern what they are, the attacks should lesson.

Hopefully your wife too may in time want to join us as well.

Love_Truth

Surfacing,

Great to see you come to the realization that the JW ?truth? is not the truth. I have had a very similar experience, as have many others here.

Does it get easier?

Absolutely. Following a period of grief and confusion, you?ll eventually get back to yourselves.

I'm getting better with the panic attacks (doing my own research and realising that it is because I have a lot of unresolved issues, not necessarily because the demons are attacking me), but I still have this terrible, impending sense of doom. Am I on the dark side?

Nope. Just guilt from indoctrination. You?ll get over the guilt as you prove your suspicions were true, and become more confident that you?ve made the right decision.

Have I really lost all hope of seeing my father because of the way I'm thinking now?

Nope. It is for God, not imperfect men, to judge each of us as individuals.

Or am I finally at a stage where I can "surface" and see with some clarity?

Bingo. You hit the nail on the head.

Sometimes I fear the ping pong game in my head is driving me to insanity. The guilt is so overwhelming, yet when I really analyze it, I don't think I'm really that evil. I love God and want to be a good person. I thank him for my wife. Am I alone in these feelings?

No, again, your indoctrination in the cult of JWs is to blame for your confusion and lack of feeling ?sane?. In time, you will feel fine.

Cheers, and Welcome!!

Love_Truth

JamesThomas

Dear Surfacing, Welcome. You already know it will get better, or you would never have had the courage to ask the question. We often enter the Witness atmosphere thinking it is sweet and pure (or we are raised in it and are programmed to think it is pure). But it's not. There are factors in it that are extremely poison. You feel it's effects right now as anxiety, confusion and fear. Like the poison of a deadly drug it is trying to pull you back. It's time to dry out and breath the fresh air. If the Witnesses were the "truth", you would not be feeling the obvious bad and ugly side affects you are now. Instead you would be feeling a sense of yearning heart-ach, like you might feel when having to leave a favorite vacation retreat or loved one. You are doing the right thing by being true to your heart; and do not fear that you have left the True God, because It is not so tiny as to be absent. Take some time to step out of the yapping mind and into the moment where it is still. Instead of praying to God with words, go into the place within you where love is sensed and rest there. You will heal and get better. For now, simply be patient and kind with yourself and others. j

codeblue

Welcome Surfacing!!!

I enjoyed your first post!! I am so sorry you have had to endure such hardships.

My Mom died when I was 14....we continued at the KH anyways....I got reprimanded for not reading the Watchtower and Awake magazines from cover to cover and was critiziced for not dropping out of school and pioneering like other young sisters did. You would have thought they would have been glad to see me at the meetings, with just loosing my Mom.. Anyways, I understand some of your pain that you have had to endure.

It does get better!!! You have had a lot of good tips from different posters how to cope during this time....I highly recommend meeting up with some when you can.

It is nice to feel there is a place where you can really find "unconditional love"...You have found it here.

Take care!!!

Codeblue

cyber-sista

Wow, your post made me cry...

I have just recently exited the JWs and have been going through much of the same feelings. I think that most of us can relate to the pain and frustration you are going through. Like you I was hesitant to reach out, feeling very alone in my situation, but then found out there are thousands of us out here. There's a lot of support with sites like these to help you get through this uncomfortable transition time. This has all helped me greatly, along with some professional help of a phycologist trained in dealing with those who are leaving the cult experience. It does get better-- just keep reaching out for help..If you read a lot of the posts here you will soon know you are not alone in your thinking . You sound like a good person who sincerely wants to do what is right. Remember always that real love is unconditional...WT love is conditional based on your performance in the Org...Take care and be in touch..Love to you...

Does it ever get easier?

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