Living with Your Parents Well Into Adulthood the Norm?

by Sorry 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sorry

  I don't want to seem like a jerk. I know full well economic times are not the greatest. There's no shame in struggling and staying with your family until you're back on your feet. However, I notice that, at least in my congregation as well as neighboring ones, that the adult children still stay with their parents infinitely. It's even encouraged. Especially the women. Three girls, all daughters of an elder, all live with their parents. The youngest one is 33. All work part time jobs with the bare minimum hours, and devote majority of the time auxiliary pioneering. They seem to have no plans on moving out. Similar to a brother, 29, brown-nosing to become a MS. He seemed to become more independent, then abruptly quit his job to pioneer full time and reach out. He tells the teens with parents in the truth to just stay at home and pioneer. "Why get a job when Jehovah will bless you for putting him first?" he says.

  I personally believe you should stay with your parents until you're financially stable. Not the best idea to move out barely graduated from high school with little money resources. However, staying with your parents into your 30s and 40s isn't right either, especially if you're not even willing to obtain employment. I pray that is only my area and personal experience and not everywhere JW. Seems you never leave your parents unless you get married or they die. If you willingly leave on your own and get a job, you're the crazy one.
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  stillin

  It's everywhere these days. It's not healthy. Even less so with the Witnesses. As the saying goes, " get a life!"
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  prologos

  with your own house pushing past 500 000, within sight 1,2 million, who can afford it, even with a o.5% prime rate?
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  scratchme1010

  I personally believe you should stay with your parents until you're financially stable. Not the best idea to move out barely graduated from high school with little money resources. However, staying with your parents into your 30s and 40s isn't right either, especially if you're not even willing to obtain employment. I pray that is only my area and personal experience and not everywhere JW. Seems you never leave your parents unless you get married or they die. If you willingly leave on your own and get a job, you're the crazy one.
  

  They keep talking about "millennials" as if that generation is made of these exotic beings that are out of this planet. I mention this because every time someone talks about the younger generation, they come up with something along the lines of "this is the millennial generation", as if that explains everything, as if they are talking about a completely different breed.

  Yes, I notice that maybe due to both the culture of complacency and an unstable economy, more young adults are living with their parents with no real plans of leaving.

  However, although I agree that yes, people should make the move when they are somewhat solid about it, I don't think that should be the case all the time. In my messed up family, where my JW father was kicking me out every day and reminding me that nothing in that place was mine, that when my mom wasn't yelling at something or someone or having some kind of argument or tantrum, forced to go to the KH and preach, not to mention the difficult childhood I had thanks to them, the rest of the family, the JWs and the mediocre public school system I had to deal with, I think it was quite a good idea to leave as soon as possible and think about financial stability later.

  The reality is that home is not necessarily a refuge or a safe place for everyone. And that goes beyond social status.

  I agree with you, but only in those homes where people feel welcome, nurtured and safe.
  
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  Pete Zahut

  Depending upon the circumstances, it can work out well for both the parents and the kid for the kids to stay longer at home than expected. We have a garage that we converted into a studio apt for our oldest son and his wife so they could stay there and save for a place of their own rather than making some landlord rich. I put in a mini kitchen, a bathroom and finished it off with some nice touches such as crown molding, track lighting and a french door. They have a nice new home now and so our youngest son has moved in and is doing the same thing. We enjoyed having them and hardly knew they were here most of the time.

  Having said that, I think there should be a definite plan in place and a time limit if adult kids plan to stay on in the family home.

  There was an elder and his family that attended our hall who had two very heavyset adult daughters that lived at home and Pioneered and were Nannies. One of the daughters used to bring the kids she watched, to the meetings and assemblies. At the last circuit assembly I attended she was once again hauled up on stage at 36 years of age, to talk about having taken a stand in high school by refusing an invitation from a "worldly" boy to go to the Prom.

  Speaker: "Mindy...what advice would you give to our young ones who are being tempted to participate in school activities."

  Mindy: "Well Brother Smith, I faced these temptations in high School. I was once asked to the senior prom by a worldly boy."

  Brother: "How did you handle this situation Mindy?"

  Mindy: " He was a nice boy but even so, I told him NO !!! He and the other kids respected me because I let my yes mean yes and my no mean no. "

  It was pathetic to think of this young woman having turned down a simple invitation to do something fun 18 years previously and wound up still living in her childhood bedroom, pioneering and taking care of other peoples kids. There were smirks on the faces of the high school girls in front of us. I heard one of them whisper "it's so sad she never got married because she loves kids so much."

  Time has a way of flying by and opportunities for personal growth are often missed when one takes the easy route and stays on it for too long.
  
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  James Mixon

  My rules for my sons before they moved out (in their 20's) First I made a contract, outline terms, expectations, time limitations and all aspects of sharing space that potentially impact others. Rent will be paid, even if rent is low,token". Because I was single raising my sons I guess the figured, humm a nice pad for three single men, until I told them no overnight guest, go too a motel..I made sure they realize an end must be kept in mind, staying here is not indefinite.
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  JustMe2

  I think it was an assembly talk years ago that specifically discouraged single Witnesses from moving out of the family home unless they were doing it for spiritual reasons, for example moving where the need was greater. And, IF I remember correctly, they may have been encouraged to share a place with someone who would be spiritually upbuilding rather than living alone. Does anyone remember anything similar being brought out?
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  WingCommander

  This is because this cult produces children who are dependents, non-thinking, non-productive, anti-social, introverted, socially retarded, sexually repressed, DEPENDENTS. Pod people. That's what you have up at WT HQ, and that's what they produce in the congregations as well.

  If you are an independent, critical thinking, educated, productive, social, extroverted, social butterfly, able to support yourself with a job, hobbies, interests, and some sort of social life, you are NOT JW material. Nope! That type of person is "frowned upon." You are supposed to stay at home away from "worldly people", "worldly influence and pursuits", etc with mommy and daddy until the Great Tribulation and Big A arrive. Then all of your problems will be solved. Prey, study, attend all the meetings, be more regular in the field ministry, and above all - DONATE - and that is the end-all, be-all existence of these indoctrinated SLUGS. Sums up JW's existence of misery pretty well, if you ask me?
  
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  DJS

  Ok lazy brained, the empirical data:

  The numbers of 25 - 34 year olds living with their parents is at a record high in the US. See the chart below for historical data. It's not just the dubs, and yes it is a generational shift.

  From 2016: Pew researchers noted that a challenging job market, particularly for young men, is a major factor driving the trend. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 5.7 percent of men ages 25 to 34 are unemployed, a full percentage point lower than older men. Analysis of census data shows that 36 percent of older millennials without jobs live with their parents, compared with 18 percent of employed men. is also a big part of the story. Analysis shows that just 15 percent of older millennial men with a college degree live with their parents, compared to 26 percent with only a high school degree.

  Poor job prospects may be making young men less desirable for marriage, since most women look for men with a steady job. But older millennial women are also living at home in bigger numbers. Overall, a $17,000 earnings gap between college educated and high school educated adults age 25 to 32.

  This also explains why the under-educated males like Trump so much. He appeals to their failures; it's not their fault. It's the Chinese and Mexican trade policies. It's the immigrants. When the real reason they are being left behind is because the economy has changed to the point of rewarding ambition, education and entrepreneurial aptitudes and not rewarding those lacking ambition and education. Trump promising to bring back blue collar jobs is in direct response to those who feel entitled and are too lazy to do anything but whine about it.

  This also ties in directly with the recent OP regarding where our collective DNA will be in a few thousand years. What humans view as the 'fittest' DNA is changing, and those who do not meet the new normal will be left behind and will be less likely to pass along their DNA.

  That will be $1000. I don't work cheap. And you are welcome.

  
  
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  Simon

  Yeah, it's changing demographics and economic factors as much as anything. The JWs probably have an extra incentive for dependency but it's not unique to them.

  The baby-boomers effectively stole the wealth from future generations by creating a property boom. Now few can afford to buy a home unless they have two people earning. What else do people do but live at home?

  Also to factor in is the attitude to risk which affects independence - the last generations have been protected like never before, many not allowed to roam and explore like I remember doing.