I registered in the board and I wanted to present myself.
I used to visit this forum some time ago and even register an account but then I tried to convince myself all was ok in the congregation. Now, I'm coming back :).
I live in a Southern European nation, I'm a young JW, a good example in the congregation serving as a regular pioneer and MS. For all in the congregation I'm the good guy, one of the best examples in the area I live. Additionally I'm in a foreign language congregation, so for many I would be the "perfect Witness".
But I also studied at University and I just graduated in a STEM degree. I started college after watching how the real job market is without a profession or some kind of qualification in these days (especially in a country like mine with one of the highest unemployment rate in the West and hit hard in the financial crisis). Studyng at University disappointed many in the congregation and in my family but looking at brothers in their 30s and 40s and how they are suffering and living thanks to their families, I just thought I had to take this decisition.
From some time ago, I'm having doubts about the Org and about some doctrines. After studying my degree I have a more open mind and I just can't accept some ideas from the Org. And now I have to take the decision between accepting a full-time job or serving as a pioneer. I have now a job allowing me work and pioneering at the same time but this new job would require longer hours (making pioneering impossible) and I feel exhausted and even discouraged in the field service.
As I am serving in a foreign language congregation and having so many responsibilities, I need to stop. I need time to think. I feel there's a lot of work to do but I feel it's a kind of work and effort that leads you nowhere. A lot of bureaucracy, speeches, RVs and studies with people with no real interest.
The two things keeping me from stepping down are:
1. Uncertainty and fear. I'm a born in, I've never lived in the world and even during University, I went to classes and had the least possible relationship with "wordly people".
2. Pressure from family, friends, brothers... They all expect me to continue doing things the same way I've been doing all these years.
I would like to stop altogether because I now feel like a hyprocrite. But I know it would do more harm than good so my plan is to take decisitions step by step. I'm planning to quit pioneering in 4-5 months and then move to another congregation as the one I'm attending now is very small and I have a lot of pressure on me to do a lot of things and it's hard even to miss one meeting!
I hope if you read until the end, it was not so boring! And of course, I hope I didn't make a lot of mistakes as I'm not a native English speaker.
Thanks for reading!