It's sunday morning, i'm not going to the meeting, i've got too much homework. I just want to clarify a few things, it was 230 in the morning when i first posted so please forgive me if my post wasn't clear. My mother is a witness in fact she just got baptized last weekend. She wasn't raised a jw but she started studying 5 years ago and by osmosis i sort of picked up on it. I'm not doing it for a girl, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and most witness girls i meet are very immature, i guess it's being sheltered all their lives. I've struggled with depression for a long time and i'm trying to pick my self back up by going back to school and i'm gonna try to make something of myself
A boiling pot of emotions
Thank you for your post. I understood every word - I've been there. (Evidently I have a bizarre mind! )
I experienced the same feelings for some 30 years - don't follow my example! Jehovah's Witnesses do NOT speak for God, and if you turn your back on their misleading, doctrine changing, judgemental organization you are NOT turning your back on God or Jesus or YOUR MOTHER. Her beliefs are hers only. Please don't let anyone use emotional blackmail or emotional extortion on you!
Be your own person. When you distance yourself from that controlling, uncaring, pretentious organization, you will be shocked at how much happier and more at peace you are.
Love and peace to you.
JV, you need to do what you need to do. Think about yourself. If you are unhappy, and if you are trying to live in the JW world, yet you need more, things you will be stressed about if someone sees you doing, or who you are with, that is going to be a strain on you. I know you said you got the religion osmosis. This religion requires that you live it, breathe it or you will never feel accepted. If you really believe in this religion with all your heart, I do not tell you to leave it.. If however you are doing it just because it happens to be the religion that your mother has just been baptised into (and studied for the past 5 yrs), then you are selling yourself short..
I say this as a person whose mom because a JW when she was 5 and was raised in it.. I just got out now and I missed out on a whole world of things. I would give anything to go back in time to your age (I'm 45) and have the chance to have my life back and be able to do things..
dont' hate it later when you are sorry you missed out on the things you really wanted to do in life.. like sports..
as soon as you are a JW, you turn your conscience over to them. they tell you that you are weak etc etc etc etc and pretty much control how you feel unless you break away....
JV Like you I never had anything to say to anyone at the meetings. It's a sign that you just don't belong with these people. I used to dread going to meetings. Used to arrive late and leave early. Finally I saw no point in "meeting" with people I only wanted to avoid. Good luck!
I feel for you. Don't stay where you're unhappy. You'll regret it someday. I used to run alot and they frowned on that. They didn't want me to join any of the fun runs in the area. I was supposed to be studying all the time and if I had time left on my hands, I should be going out in service. They control everything you do. I hated it. Running was the only thing to deal with all the unhappiness I felt at the hall. It helped to clear my head. Good luck to you and again, welcome!
I'm just doing some homework today, just trying to de stress, didn't go to the meeting, suprise suprise nobody called to see how i'm doing, cause i'm not born and raised so that means i'm not one of the gang so they don't care. thanks for all the replies, just reading all of them taking it all in
Your story is not an odd one. I was a witness for 10 years and always felt that way. The congregation is one large clique. You fit into or you are shunned. There is no real love in the congregation for those who are different. I think you are beginning to realise that and also that maybe you got involved becuase you thought you would find acceptance and love. The truth is there is no such thing for a person brought into the truth.
You will never feel a part of the cong but always apart fom it. You will never feel this so called love that is suppossed to exist. It only does for familys in the truth. Those who are single and dont have other family in the truth are never fully a part of things. No one will notice if you dont go to meetings or if you fade away.
You are experienceing what I put up with for 10 years. You have every right to question and protest but dont expect anyone in the congregation to listen or assist. It wont happen. You may get the odd one that will listen but they wont do anything. Its totally up to you what you do now. Not all of your emotions are from the depression. Depression is usually triggered by something and yep the truth (and a violent x husband) triggered it for me.
the truth wont fill up an unhappy, empty life. You have to do that for yourself and sitting around hoping others will do it for you wont bring about the changes that you obviously wnat. You have to make that happen. I ought to know I have done this my entire life, especially since I left my x april last year.
Nothing happens for those who sit back and wait for everything to come to them. Take the bull by the horns, change things or stop going to the meetings and fade away. Dont just get more depressed, get activley involved in your life and make things happen.
Wrong religion for you! Get out while you still have a bit of sanity left.