A boiling pot of emotions

by JV 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JV

    I'm not baptized, but i do go out in service, not much now that i'm getting a post secondary education. I wasn't raised a JW and this is where i run into a lot of problems, the things i like to do don't really jive with the wts. I played comptive sports in high school and college. I have a competitve streak in me i need that competition but i can't play, bad association. So i decided to play golf, sound's ok playing by myself nobody else, but it takes up too much time. I feel like a caged animal i do nothing but sit in my room waiting for the next day. I don't do anything bad but why do i feel like crap? nobody in my cong can relate to me. I'm on my own it's tough. I get the feeling that nobody cares. That's not totally true the awesomest person in the world is in my cong and i would say that if i was a jw or a non jw. What i mean to say is that i feel like the elders don't care. I 've been struggling with depression for the longest time but not a phone call to check up say hi. Oh wait that's not true i got one the other day cause i didn't turn in my service report. I'm miserable. I've got nobody to turn too. I feel like crap for wanting to do things that make me good like playing sports etc.... I'm just frustrated, I think that sums it up best. I feel like im slowly going insane. I've been reading some other posts, the ones that i feel a connection to are the ones saying that the got singled out on the platform, that's bs. We had a local needs the other day about talking to people before and after the meetings, saying hi and telling people how you're doing. I know it was directed at me because i come in sit down and go home, don't really talk to anybody, it's all small talk anyways. The jist of the talk was that we should tell people how we're doing good bad etc... We'll i'm sorry if i don't want to tell strangers ( that's what they are because even though i've been going there for two years i'm still a stranger to them) how i feel. I don't want to tell somebody I'm depressed and feel like jumping off a bridge at the meetings, that talk was total bs. I'm just frustrated sorry if i go off on a tangent. Just a few side bars, do active and ex jw's post? or is it mostly all ex's? Cause i have a feeling that if the elders found out i'd be in trouble. See that's the problem always having to look over my back. I have alot of non jw friends from high school, but all of a sudden they're bad association. I hung out with a girl from high school the other day and i saw one elders wife in the food court at the mall, i know she saw me and me being a single guy i'm surprised i haven't heard anything about it. Anyways i just wanted to post, get some things off of my chest, see the replies.

  • SM62


    Your story is very puzzling. You weren't bought up as a JW, so I take it none of your parents or family are JWs. You are not baptised but have been going to meetings for 2 years and now go on service - but you are thoroughly miserable with the whole thing. Why are you staying? If you leave, what have you to miss? You say nobody talks to you at the KH, so why go? You think the talks are bs (which most of them are) so why go and listen to such bilge? Stay at home and play your sports. Go out with your non-JW friends - it's rubbish to think they are bad association. Bad association is association that makes you feel bad!

    My advice to you is get out now while you are still sane - before they have any more opportunity to screw with your brain. Don't linger any longer.

    Hope it goes well with you.


  • darkuncle29

    My short and possibly calloused reply would be: Dude! Drop the JWs and go back to your HS and colledge friends.

    I'm curious how you even got involved with the JWs.

    Do you think, in the grander scheme, that god really cares one way or another if you play Rugby with the guys? Are they truly "Bad" people?

    If you were to go see old friends and their families, do you think that the creator of Billions of Galaxies each with Billions of stars is going to stop for a moment and hold his breath over possible conversational matters?

    I can relate to your being depressed. Who is more Christ like? People that go out door to door for hours yet do not have the personal inclination to call one of their own and see how they are doing. Or. People who have known you your whole life, or parts of your life, who genuinely care for you, and may be curious why you have distanced yourself from them.

    I think that you are experiencing lack of love. Or even cognitive dissonance. I am sorry that you feel frustrated and alone.

    I hope that I have not offended, as I truly mean well, I just talk funny.

    There are many here who are better at talking with new posters. It is kinda a slow night, as it is late (or early a.m.) in the US, and I think it is Sunday in the rest of the world.

    I don't know what else to say.


  • houdini

    HI JV

    Like me you got it JW's from outside source. I too was not brought up JW but studied with and got into the whole field ministry routine and Ministry School thing. I spent 3 years with them and had quite a good time, especially the ministry school as it taught me quite a bit about public speaking and confidence.

    Then it came to me that in the main I was bored s**tless with the same repeative talks that said nothing to me and meant nothing to me anymore.

    I realised that I'd lost contact with a lot of friends on the outside because they were meant to be a bad influence on me and stopped me for developing relationships within the congregation, and that I when it came down to it, like you, I had no really freinds within the congregation, because I didn't really fit in with the majority of them, because we had very little in common to talk about before or after the meetings. It was the same boring stuff, about field ministry stuff like that, no real personal stuff.

    I mean I didn't go out drinking with them or to nightclubs dancing in the first place so that was no great loss, but there was that something missing from my life that I'd had before called FREEDOM to do and meet who I liked.

    JW's are too controlling, they want to take over your life, make you feel guilty all the time.

    My advice is get out now before they suck you further into their grasp and get you life back the way you want it to be and not the way they want you to live it.

    If it's a question of belief then IMHO, God will love you for who and what you are and doesn't care if your in some mind controlling corporation or not.


  • JamesThomas

    Welcome JV. Spend some time here and make friends. In time this all will be sorted out. j

  • Mulan

    We had a son just like you. He is now 37 and never was able to play sports because he was raised as a JW. I have so many regrets about him because he was a natural athlete and would have been great in school sports, but we will never know now.

    Join the teams and get your life back. If you are at the Kingdom Hall because of another person with an "awesome" personality, give it up. There are lots of fish in the sea, as they say.

    I hope you stick around here, and don't worry about the elders. They won't know you are on this board if you don't tell them.

    By the way, almost exclusively, we are all ex JW's. Some never were JW's but have family connections to it, and there are a few who still attend physically.

  • jgnat

    I have to figure, since you are a convert, that you go because somebody convinced you this is the "truth" and there is nothing out in the world for you. How is that jiving with the way your life is actually going? You seem to have a lot going for you; college, friendships. Funny how that doesn't add up to a hill of beans at the KH.

    Just a few side bars, do active and ex jw's post? or is it mostly all ex's? Cause i have a feeling that if the elders found out i'd be in trouble. See that's the problem always having to look over my back.

    I think you know the answer to that. Do you think the WTBTS would offer an open discussion board to it's members? How far have you gotten expressing your fears and concerns at the KH?

  • BluesBrother

    If you feel like [email protected] now, It is not going to get any better.

    Stop the pretence, to yourself and the others at the Hall. Say goodbye and get a life back

    Your post is puzzling though in many ways . You have no family connection, are not yet baptised but are evidently not receivinf a Bible Study? You talk of the congo but dont mention Jehovah or the beliefs, are they not important to you? After all, if it were true, despite its faults then we would be fools to leave it. If you do not believe it and have no ties, why stay?

    But welcome to the board . You will not find many apologists for the WTS here , but an awful lot of common sense.

  • talesin
    i do nothing but sit in my room waiting for the next day.

    Lots of people join JW when they are lonely and searching for meaning in life. If this is the case with you, could I suggest an alternative?

    Get involved in some of the sports you like, get a volunteer job.

    Do some reading on spirituality and religion - if that's what you're seeking. There are lots of people on this board who can suggest reading lists from all different perspectives.

    Stop going to KH and try the above - they will only bring you more hurt and pain. You can find your niche elsewhere, in a safer place.

    ... just a thought

    peace, love and happiness


  • garybuss

    There are a couple things for young people with Witness parents to remember,

    1. The Golden Rule, That is, he with the gold rules.

    2. Timing, That means there is a time to buy a house and there is a time to leave a High Control group.

    JV, Don't know of any of these apply to you. I didn't really understand your post. Sorry. It sounds like you are having a crisis of will. That usually happens when a person believes one way and behaves another.

    Hope you can sort it all out. Best wishes, GaryB

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