I understood every word of your post, even though I was brought up a JW.
I don't want to tell somebody I'm depressed and feel like jumping off a bridge at the meetings,
Yep, I've been there. I always had the urge to tie myself to the back of a car and be dragged down the road.
I was a complete outcast at the meetings. Nobody seemed to give a shit about me. Whenever I had a conversation with someone else, it was always the same:
Bro: Hi Nos.
Me: Hello
Bro: How's school going?
Me: Good
Bro: That's good. <walks away>
I'd have this conversation a few times during the meeting. Completely unloving and uncaring. All they were doing is faking concern for all the flock. I never got a phone call from anyone. I always seemed to do the phone calling. It was me who was always trying to initiate a friendship there. It got tiring. Why wasn't anyone ever calling me?
Worldly friends are much better. I had them because I couldn't feel a connection with anyone at the meetings. I felt completely different from the others. I felt I had nothing in common with them. Then I'd occasionally get one brother who would "encourage" me to be more active. The worst was when he would try and get me to answer a specific question at the Watchtower study, and would tell the WT conductor to look for my hand on that particular question. I hated it. It made me feel completely singled out when the WT conductor would stare at me from the podium.
I feel like a caged animal i do nothing but sit in my room waiting for the next day.
Yup, I know that feeling. It's the feeling that you aren't allowed to let your own desires and thoughts flow freely. You always have to watch what you do, and watch what you say because there's that guy outside of the cage with the whip.
The WTS prevents us from discovering who we are. They're telling us who we are. Our choice in our daily activities is limited. You're told what you can and can't participate in, what entertainment you can have, and even what food you can eat. You're not able to become part of a worldly group of people, you can't listen to music that has to do with love, sex, partying, drugs, or even just a few swear words, and you can't eat meat product if there's any trace of blood in them.
I'll tell you something, ever since I left, I've gone out to Karaoke bars, I listen to heavy metal music, and I love medium rare steak! I now have complete control over my choices. I have the freedom to choose. Gaining the ability to choose makes you feel more powerful, more confident, more independant, and even more intelligent.
My advice to you is to ditch the JWs, and get involved in a sport of your choice. You should have no problem making some very good friends by doing this.
You also have an added bonus: you're not baptized. That means you can still talk to people from your KH if you leave. You're not totally sucked in yet, and I advise you not to. I was never baptized, and I'm glad I made the choice to never be baptized. It's saved me a lot of problems. Good luck on whatever you CHOOSE. That's right, you have a lot of choices. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do, because it's your choices that will determine what you do with yourself.