Miniimizing 'Punishment' - marrying a non-JW (page 4)

MeanMrMustard

Holy forking red flags, Batman!

I should add ...

Yeah, you think?

...that she had been disfellowshipped* once many years ago, for reasons unrelated to being unequally yoked, sex or the like. She moved in with her BF of the time shortly thereafter and went on to marry him - they had a child and were together for many years.

Odd. Sure sounds like the same thing...

Sometime between the marriage and subsequent divorce...

Just imagine the probability that some other guy, four years from now, wanders onto this site wondering how to marry this great JW girl - except this time you are the ex. Imagine that probability being north of 60% at this point ...

... she decided she was repentant and was refellowshipped (?). I believe she was scared back into it due to 9/11, or so a mutual friend told me.

Orrrrrr, she had used all her previous human capital and wandered back for fellowship and socialization. Now she's got you, so she's ready to give it all another shot.

Simon is right - she needs to make a choice, and stop the bull shit. She also shouldn't be using you for that. It is a simple choice - it really is. And she should level with you. I know she hasn't because you are here posting what you are posting... or you are a troll.

road to nowhere

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Get married and let things fall as they may. And they will fall.

doasthouwilt

MeanMrMustard,

Yes, I did think I should add that, to paint a better picture.

You misunderstood what I meant by 'for reasons unrelated'. The reason she was DF'd was in no way related to the moving in with her BF - that move-in happened afterward, she was DF'd for a vice.

Her last marriage lasted just shy of 30 years (far more than 4) and she's been interested in no one else since, which has been nearly a decade, until I came along and decided it was high-time that I did get together with one of the dearest and closest people to me - that's a reality we share and very much agree on. This ONE difference (being discussed here) is the only one we have that keeps this from being entirely excellent, you couldn't know the dynamic unless you were either myself or her, but trust that neither of us are unwise, though I do appreciate the concern and hasty conclusion that may often be the case - not so here.

No, she was specifically scared back into it. I have, through the years, talked to her about it, about why she persists in it. Fear is a giant factor. "Human Capital" (which by I guess you mean friends / acquaintances?) has nothing to do with it as she's not been without those 'assets' from all fronts (JW's or otherwise) in all the years I've known her - not in the least, she is incredibly social and surrounded.

I would like if she would be more true to her inherent personality which is so unlike the JW teachings - she truly IS a 'naughty', worldly girl, and excels at it but, she's backed into a corner, has been since birth - she does, I'm sure, like Diogenesister said, compartmentalize to try to maintain both her true character and her imposed 'beliefs'. I would like more than anything if she would leave the damaging situation she was born into, but so long as that's not the case, I don't mind seeing what else can be done and I'm a tough person, not the sort that can't deal with this sort of thing, not at all.

This is why my original post had the disclaimer, " I’m not looking so much for advice on if I should do this or not or the situation in general – I have those aspects already sorted."

MeanMrMustard

Yes, I did think I should add that, to paint a better picture.

Ok.

You misunderstood what I meant by 'for reasons unrelated'. The reason she was DF'd was in no way related to the moving in with her BF - that move-in happened afterward, she was DF'd for a vice.

Oh ok. So she's a smoker... or liked a little pot here and there?

Her last marriage lasted just shy of 30 years (far more than 4) and she's been interested in no one else since, which has been nearly a decade, until I came along and decided it was high-time that I did get together with one of the dearest and closest people to me - that's a reality we share and very much agree on.

Ohhhhkkkk. So that changes the dynamic quite a bit. So she's been married (basically) 30 years. You said in your very first sentence she is your close friend for over 30 years ("30+"), but your girlfriend for about 1.5 years, and she has not been interested in anyone for about a decade after her previous marriage (last paragraph). Assuming she got married young, that puts her about 60 years old, and you've been her close friend from about age 30 (around 10 years into her previous marriage) when she wasn't a JW because she was DFed for "a vice". We're you also a close and dear friend with her previous husband?

But just to be clear, we're dealing with a 60+ year old woman, and I assume you are around the same age, a full time pioneer, living with a worldly man, having great sex. In fact you go on to say that "she truly IS a 'naughty', worldly girl, and excels at it".

This doesnt make sense - you keep talking about imposed beliefs. Either she believes it HERSELF or not. There nobody pointing a gun at her head. She could leave tomorrow, a simple choice. And yet if she really believes the JW ideology, her concern would not be to figure out a way to dodge consequences. She would run to the elders and away from you.

So what gives?

No, she was specifically scared back into it. I have, through the years, talked to her about it, about why she persists in it. Fear is a giant factor.

Fear of what? It doesn't seem to be anything the religion is teaching... and you say: "...in all the years I've known her - not in the least, she is incredibly social and surrounded." So it not social fear.

In short: She's going to be DFed. No way to avoid it, except to live a lie and hide for rest of her life. But she shouldn't care, based on what you've said. She should just throw up her hands and leave.

But she does care. So she's living a lie anyway, except with you. Either you are trolling us, or she is trolling you.

stan livedeath

Either you are trolling us,

exactly my thoughts yesterday.

doasthouwilt

I don't see how trolling has anything to do with my posting or anything to do with her being torn, at least by the standard definition. I'm not here to rile people up, I'm here because I have a genuine question that I had yet to put to any JWs or ex-JWs and wanted that input. I didn't ask because I had any specific answer I wanted to hear, I asked to hear anything and everything people may say about it so I could take that to mind and carry on in whatever way I decide. I'm glad I did, I've had largely useful input! Thanks to all who have done so.

MeanMrMustard

I don't see how trolling has anything to do with my posting...

Ok, fair enough. Let me just say this- it wouldn't be the first time someone came here with wild stories just get a rise out of people. So, at least for me, I'm going to be skeptical.

doasthouwilt

MeanMrMustard + anyone else who may have felt even slightly trolled . . .

That honestly isn't what I came here for or at all intend(ed) to do. I think some of my disposition about this and the honest facts of the story may seem ourageous and even be upsetting to some, especially anyone truly practicing as a JW, but that's not intentional, just the truth of the matter. It's part of why I didn't want to get into too many details about it - I know some discussion about it couldn't be avoided, but I was after answers to my question, solely. Sorry if anyone felt trolled!

doasthouwilt

DesirousOfChange - can you tell me which chapter and verse in Psalms says to confess your sins to Jehovah alone?

MeanMrMustard

@doasthouwilt - It still doesn't make sense. The fact pattern implies she is not being honest with you and not being honest with herself.

Also, any attempt to find a way around this is futile. There is absolutely no possible way, none, zero, zip, goose-egg, nada, that you will quote a scripture, a policy, whatever - to prevent a judicial committee from being formed and DFing your significant other. You will never - NEVER - out-legal the WTB&TS, EVER! Given the fact pattern, it's done.

But also, given the fact pattern, she shouldn't even be trying to stay. Before you spoke of wisdom. I assumed she was an impulsive 20 year old, manipulating her way into your resources, going back to the WT when it made social or financial sense for her (no principles) because the current fact pattern is something you would expect a 20 year old to be exhibiting. That's why people think you are trolling. Not because it's "outrageous" or "upsetting". Rather, it's a tad unbelievable.

My only conclusion, if we grant you are 100% truthful, is that she is not being honest with you and not being honest with herself. And it may be the case that she intends to be honest with you, but she can't because she can't quite stop deceiving herself.

Miniimizing 'Punishment' - marrying a non-JW

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