Am I selfish?

by Jules Saturn 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    The WT uses fear, obligation, and guilt -- F.O.G. -- which keeps their members controlled. There is no climate for doubt, for questions, for open discussion. There is no transparency or accounting, no apologies for "unclarified light". They take and they take and they take without ever giving anything back in terms of practical help or assistance.

    We can be the change we want to see... We can be the ones who show love and tolerance... We can be off the man-inspired and directed WT treadmill which goes nowhere.

    Your indoctrination, and their reactions (very JW-typical) makes you feel "selfish" but hopefully you can question & rationalize those feelings. All the best.

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn

    @Muddy Waters

    Thank you very much for those kind words

  • LisaRose

    I don't always agree with the choices my adult children make, but I love and respect them anyway and I wouldn't want them to live their lives in a way they found unacceptable simply to please me. It's sad that your parents can't love and appreciate you for who you are and respect your choices in life, but their mind has been warped by being in a cult, so it is what it is.

    Live your life, you are not being selfish.

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn


    Thank you for those words of encouragement, I envy those with accepting and understanding parents that want nothing more than their children's happiness.

  • Saethydd

    I greatly sympathize with your situation. Before I moved out, I also felt guilty, like I was being selfish for being true to myself and honest with my parents. But, I know that I simply couldn't handle the charade any longer, and I told both of my parents and my sister that the door of communication was always open on my end. They all told me that they loved me but they wouldn't be taking me up on that offer because they "love Jehovah more."

    I'm not sure any of us are necessarily being selfish, we are simply doing what we believe to be the right thing and they are doing the same. The difference is that I base that decision off of logic and secular humanism, whereas they rely on the Watchtower to decide for them what is the right thing.

    Also, neither side is willing to compromise because they believe the other side is being misled. However, unlike them, you and I have actually listened to both sides of the story and weighed the evidence before we made our decisions.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Parent's naturally have their own ideas about how things will be when their children are grown but if their happiness and their relationship with their child hinges on having the child do as THEY want him or her to do, the parent is being selfish. They are thinking of how the child's actions or decisions make THEM feel and what reward THEY are getting out of it.

    A father who want's his Son to be the star athlete on the school team for example, often thinks he is thinking of his son and the fun he will have or the skills he will acquire etc. More often than not, he is trying to relive his own life through the son or perhaps trying to make up for something lacking in himself or using the child's success to bolster his own ego. Having you become an Elder was your fathers dream. He may have had your best interest at heart but you can be sure there's a lot of his own ego involved as well. On some level he's likely thinking of how HE will be viewed, because of your becoming an Elder.

  • NJ501

    Sorry to hear your situation Jules,
    But your not the only one who is going through the same thing...I've been called selfish recently by my parents.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings, Jules, and welcome to the forum:

    We are enjoying your story and, of course, sympathize with you. As I parent who saw my first child "leave" the Truth several decades ago, I understand your parent's pain. However, I am on the other side now and my adult child and I get on fine. Sadly, I feel guilt because the other child wanted my spiritual help and guidance from early on and I failed to give it.

    We are estranged and it kills me. Yes, on either side of the fence there is pain and sorrow. I hope you will be encouraged to soldier on by what you read here; you have gotten a lot of fine counsel.

    Blessings and peace,


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