Physically In, Mentally Out

by James Jack 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • James Jack
    James Jack

    7 years ago I was this "Ultra Spiritual Elder". You name it, I was visible all over the Region. I was the Coordinator, On the Convention Committee, RBC, had a Talk at every Convention and Assembly, Regular Pioneer, etc. Then my 19 year old decides to Fornicate in his apartment(It's joined to the House) while we were away on a RBC project. Then the Elder Body decided to delete me(although an Elder in a nearby congregation, his son living in his home, 25 years old did the same thing as my son, he gets to keep his position, double standard and I kick my boy out of house immediately, the other Elder let his son stay).

    Fast forward to today, 7 years later. I'm physically in a Congregation, mentally out. It's all crazy how I have evolved. When I was an Elder, I read every piece of JW literature, read my Bible every day, the whole JW routine. Now, basically nothing. The only time I read the Bible is at the Meetings. What's worse, Back when I was Serving, to me, Jehovah was my Best Friend, always there, I felt "empowered with Holy Spirit", now, I feel nothing!

    After reading the experience of the former DO(Joe) from Australia, he doesn't believe in the Bible, and how he is now an atheist, I am even more messed up! I can't get the Scripture out of my mind, Rev. 22: 12,20 "Look, I am coming quickly..." Those words were written some 2000 years ago! If I was alive back then, I would assume Jesus would come back in my lifetime. After all, Quickly means quickly!!!! Now, someone may reason, "It's according to Jehovah's view of time". My reply is: "Supposedly, the Bible was written for Men, not God", our timetable, not his. Even Jesus back in 33CE said :" this generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur", and it did 37 years later in 70CE ( there's another argument, the Generation teaching).

    The Watchtower Organization is making itself harder with each passing day, to buying into their doctrines... What's there to believe in anymore? I'm not feeling it!

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    Believe in yourself. Believe in your son. Believe in your life. Christian theology may claim to know what the meaning of life is, so when that house of cards comes tumbling down, it is easy to feel empty and completely void of any goodness. I suggest you start fanning those smoldering embers left in the ashes of your faith by asking yourself "what is the meaning of MY life?"

  • _Morpheus

    Been there done that. Had the same struggle. It just takes time. Few people can transistion from full on believer to not believing over night. I can tell you however, stopping meeting attendance was the single best thing i ever did. It made my life so much more enjoyable and full. All the best to you

  • DesirousOfChange

    WOW.............two great replies above.

    I've found it to be a very slow transition from that person you describe (that was me too) to becoming fully awakened and accepting to the fact that it was/is all delusion. I really, really wanted to believe it all. I really, really want there to be a Higher Power that, in the end, "makes all things right". I have now accepted that it just ain't so. It ain't gonna happen. Life is unfair. Life sucks (at least sometimes).

    I could no longer go to those meetings and listen to that delusional crap and watch all the JDub robots just smile and nod their heads without any rational thought or question. WTF! That was me too! I now realize that when I did question anything and "researched" it I always concluded it didn't matter or I'd "wait on Jehovah" or "they" must be smarter or know something more than I do. Now I realize "they" (GB, writing dept, whoever) are just as delusional and are just making it up new sh!t when the old doctrine has clearly failed, or their faking it while they are quietly hoping and praying that the BIG A does come and resolve all their problems and allow them to save face.

    As far as the future, I share the opinion of Mark Twain -- "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." Of course, I am trying to make the best of the "present time" that I still have remaining. That does not allow wasting any of it at the Kingdumb Hall or Field Circus.

  • James Jack
    James Jack

    Is this life all there is?

    The Watchtower has a publication named that!

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    If you teach someone that it is godliness never to eat again, that person may stay faithful to the doctrine but fail to realize that the hunger pangs are not simply a sign of religious fervor, they are signs of an impending death. The WT keeps men with responsibilities so busy that they don't realize they are destroying their life, killing them slowly with frustration and a sense of never doing enough despite sacrificing all they are on the altar of the GB. You will finally start to recover when you dump the influence of the oral poison of the meetings to achieve clarity of mind. Thank goodness your son had sex and exposed the double standards of the WT in your life. Only forward, ever forward. Go to the light grasshopper.

  • stuckinarut2

    Great reply "wake me up..."!

  • Crazyguy

    Unfortunately your on the path of real truth. That's is they found the god of the patriarchs in 1929 in the city of Ugarit. The Bible is just a collection of writtings from around the Levant. Example the 30 sayings of Amenope can be found pretty much word for word in the book of proverbs. The list of issues with the Bible goes on and on. Check out all the prophecies that didn't come true.

    Reality sucks especially when one has spent so much time in a delusion. All one can do now is try to live your life to the fullest while you can!

  • MissFit

    Welcome. Keep poking around here and start discovering things you never knew you didn't know. Go at your own pace and keep an open mind. You have plenty of time.

    By the way, what happened to your son?

    Are you shunning him? Do you still have a relationship with him?

  • jp1692

    Welcome James Jack.

    First thing you need to do is apologize to your son. Next, and this will be hard, accept the now obvious fact the Jehovah's Witnesses are not the "one true religion."

    There is in fact no such thing.

    Next, go read Wake Me Up's introduction thread:

    Read all of it!

Share this