I was born-in, was taught to "reach out". Appointed MS at 20, elder at 29. I burned out like a flaming meteor crashing to earth, in front of everyone. I had no time to do anything I wanted. Alcohol was how I dealt with my anxiety and pressure from the WT.
My drinking put me in the hospital for pancreatitis. Just before my hospital stay I had received a speaking assignment for the circuit assembly. From my hospital bed I passed on a message to the CO that I received the assignment and accepted it. How screwed up is that?
For me, stress only came from the WT Corporation. I could handle stress from any other aspect of my life.
At the beginning of my "career" as an "appointed man", I was excited to serve. Later as an elder I realized that the assignments just kept piling up on me with no relief. Soon I cynically felt that to do all that was asked meant quitting a paying job just to have the time. That was not an option, so something else had to give. My sanity is what gave way.
I would scream at my wife and kids to get ready for the meeting and get out the door. Once, I grabbed my then 6 year old by the upper arms and pushed him down onto his bed, shook him while screaming at him to quit screwing around and get dressed.
While I was on stage as TMS overseer, my little boy was sitting in the audience bleeding from where my thumb nails had scratched him on each side of his chest. After the TMS I realized what I had done, took him to the bathroom to help him. I started to shake and sob. That was the beginning of my awakening. I could no longer ignore my doubts or my mental condition.
That was 6 years ago. I am sober, love my wife and kids, and have found a measure of peace. I still have anxiety problems, especially when thinking of the pressure I was under, and still occasionally experience suicidal ideation.
i can never go back.