JW Parents and kicking out their children
@Freddo, I was just coming up to eighteen so able to look after myself. After some very kind JWs put me up for a short while, I slept on a friends living room floor for many months and scraped by with a part time job and pioneered--fool that I was.
Lot's be honest, folks.
The loyalists who give their XJW kids the boot don't do it out of "tough love", or to (somehow) convince them to "come back to Jehovah".
They do it because they're embarrassed.
I know of 2 different Elders in 2 completely different areas, who's son's wanted to do their own thing. Both boys had been baptized early but due to their parents choice, they lived a very secluded and controlled JW life.
The Dad's were both so kind and humble, really good guy Elders but were embarrassed at the choices their sons made. The different CO they each had told them they had the "respect" of their congo's so they need not step down. The boys lived at home for a while until they decided what to do.
One son went away to University and never came back. The other drove a days distance from his parents, in time, bought into a successful business, and he never came back home again either.
Neither wanted to have anything to do with the religion they were brought up in and that their parents hung onto so tightly.
As a member of " Christendom " l can say that l have never heard of a child /young adult being thrown out . Also despite what JWs say about us most of the people l know live moral lives .
The number of JW kids homeless, living with other families or partners in their teens is ridiculous. When growing up,I thought nothing of it. Now I am ashamed!
Teenagers get married, have kids, take on church roles in the JW's and these are humans still 'being baked', still incomplete with the frontal cortex still in development, vital to decision making, reasoning and consequence consideration.
I'm 36 and only now settling down to a serious life and future, to think my friends getting married at 18 or 19 even at 21.... Looking back I'm so shocked and saddened.
For some reason, JW families love doubling down with the threat of ousting a child from the family home. Myself and my brother were booted out and homeless many times for pathetic reasons. For the husband/father it is a pathetic act of machismo and badge of loyalty to the org .... a desperate cry of "make me an elder look what I'm willing to do" and for the crying mother it's a test in how brainwashed she is to deny every ounce of nature in her body so as to reject her offspring and kick it out the house,
Raise a generation of people on the belief that Armageddon is coming and rightly so, that all adults and children 'of age' will die and rightly so... if they don't obey! You end up with people who will coldly, without hesitation, see their child homeless and independent if they don't follow the JW world perspective,
I think of all the teens and people I knew who left or got kicked out back when I was a JW and now I have only the deepest admiration and sympathy, what brave, strong, free thinking individuals.
I heard of a young woman in her mid teens being kicked out the family home for being unruly. A relative of mine saw her sleeping in a bus shelter. There had been a big argument, she had claimed there was abuse in the family. The father had proudly told people how he had used her like a mop, dragging her across the floor to boot her out,. The JW opinion of her was awful, they didn't see a child in need, they saw a trouble maker. I lost my shit when I heard about this girl (I don't know her &I have never met her) and some of my family (who were in but now out and feel differently) were defending the parents decision. The brain washing in my sibling had never been so dark than when she tried to,compute how a child in need was at fault. A cult can really dehumanise all involved, the victim, the parents and the onlookers.
It's a dangerous and toxic place..... get out and get your kids out.
I recall an Awake! magazine that advocated this practice. anyone able to id the actual magazine please.?
Your post is perfect.
I was never a JW but worked with a youth group funny how we called them "kids" never abandoned them no matter what they did, gave them all kinds of support AND then called them an adult on their get this 20th birthday. Yeah you read that right no one is an adult in our book until they turn the ripe old age of 20. We hold hold their hands, get them help if necessary or just listen whatever it takes. Not one of our parents that I know of has kicked their kids out of the home.
As I have said in the past that sign should read:
Men's Only Club - No Children or Women
The love from a JW parent is definitely conditional, with the exception of some parents and their personalities. I have known of parents that refuse to cut off contact with their DF or inactive children. Then, of course there are the parents who will shun their kids in a second if they need to. I think it depends on their personality and how brainwashed they are,
Zeb, I think JW facts has it on his site.
Kicking out a child for repeated and uncontrollable unacceptable behavior - drugs for example, is not the same as shunning them.( When other children are in the home sometimes this is the only safe option, but the parents need to help find a place for them to go, treatment etc.)
Refusing to support the bad behavior does not mean there can't be a weekly dinner out, etc., emotionally checking up on them, reassuring them of love without handing over money to support the bad behavior. Offering help when they are ready to accept it. Help them find a job, help them with acceptable behaviors. The shunning only makes a truly bad behavior worse. This is their most vulnerable time when they need the most emotional support. Then, when proved by actions they are turning a true lazy or dangerous life around, short term physical and financial support can be helpful to give them a boost up into their own self sufficiency.
Emotional support should never be withheld. It can be limited if the other person is emotionally "guilting" you to get money to support their lazy or dangerous habits,etc, but never cut off. IMHO