My DA letter (page 5)

Mysterious

Thanks very much for your letter. I am using some of your points to try and help a friend teetering on the edge of getting out.

willyloman

Now that all the back-slappin' is over, and the praise is well deserved, my brother... let's get real.

This wonderfully written essay will be completely wasted on the elders. The first person who gets it will skim to the last paragraph, call a meeting, and tell everybody else that it's a DA letter and some action needs to be taken. This letter will NOT be read by the body, nor will it be discussed in any meaningful way. It will be viewed as poison and no one will want to get any of it on them.

In the meantime, you are playing by their rules, giving them a free pass to act despicably, and at the same time affirming that you recognize their power over you.

While this is going on, your wife is going to be in an emotional whirl. She will soon be subjected to intense pressure to restrain both her feelings for and her relationship with... YOU.

And you're making all this happen because...? Well, only you can answer that. I don't know your circumstances nor what you are going through at home. I dod know that if you love your wife like I do mine, you will be patient until she is firmly on your side. Then, it won't matter what action you take. I'm concerned that this could hurt you more than help you.

If I'm wrong and you've got nothing to lose, go for it. It's a damn good letter. But I can't help thinking you score way more points in the cosmic game of life... when you deem them to be IRRELEVANT. Think about it.

Poztate

Hi Winston Smith,

That was a great DA letter.Any person with an open mind could see the logic behind your reasoning.Unfortunately the elders you send it too will not have open minds.Maybe some on your E-mail list might look at it and start to reason for themselves.We all know that once a person starts to think for himself that he will soon be out of the BORG.

I saved your letter in my computer in case I ever run across any questioning dub.Thank You.

Poz

Euphemism

Loman... if you've been following Winston's story, you should be aware that this has not been a precipitate decision on his part. Even in this thread, he mentioned that he'd done all he could to save his friends and family. If at this point, he decides that a DA letter is what serves his interests best, I don't think it's fair to criticize that.

willyloman

Euph: I wasn't criticizing. This is a forum, isn't it? I put my opinion in the mix. I included a proper 'I don't know your situation" caveat. Who's got time to read every one of someone's posts? Not me, and not the other people who come to this post with no prior knowledge and decide that a DA letter must be the way to go since NOBODY spoke against it. My advice might not work for winnie, but it will work for others.

little witch

Willy,

I understand your point, but...

Most of us realize the personal aspects of DA letters. What is right for some, is not right for all.

As Euph said, Winston has turned this over and over, and needs to do it his way. I cannot help but notice that you compare Winstons situation to your own. There lies the problem.

We all have different situations, and want to deal with it in the way that is best for ourselves.

I do understand your point though. It isn't something I would do, because I would feel like you do, that I would be giving them power over me.

But look at it from another view. By laying it out in words, Winston will tell them to kiss his butt. He is only adding his reasoning for doing so. That would be leaving just the same, only after all these years, leaving on HIS terms. When is the last time he was able to disagree with the society do you think? I would find that very liberating.

I soppose that for us who have followed Winston's story for the past few months just want to support him in a difficult situation, and so in light of that find your post to him unsupportive.

Euphemism

Little witch... pardon me for ruining your very tactful reply. But I have to say, Willy. your post was beyond unsupportive, and beyond critical. You stated:

I dod [sic] know that if you love your wife like I do mine, you will be patient until she is firmly on your side.

You didn't merely suggest that Winston was making a mistake... you suggested that his course of action shoed that he didn't love his wife. This was beyond merely being critical... this was nearly Witness-caliber judgmentalism.

Maybe you didn't realize how your words came across. If so, I would sincerely recommend that you go back and reread them.

willyloman

and so in light of that find your post to him unsupportive

That was the least of my intentions. I thought his letter was excellent, the best such letter I've seen, and I do support him. I just don't think it's the best course for everyone else to take. But that's me. Now. Later, I may change my mind. Who knows, I may send in a copy of his letter someday.

maybe you didn't realize how your words came across

You're right about that. I have no idea what his relationship is with his wife, other than what I read in his own words -- and I'm not sure it's appropriate to discuss that here anyway. Winnie's a big boy and can do it his way. He certainly doesn't need my permission. I didn't say he shouldn't have WRITTEN it. SENDiNG it is a waste of time, from my experience. But it's HIS time.

Finally: I'm laboring under the impression this a forum for the exchange of ideas. Guy writes in and says, Whaddya think of this letter? People answer. My answer was my own. You do NOT have to agree with it, and clearly you don't. I respect you anyway.

Winston Smith :>D

Hi,

I just wanted to say that i wasn't in least bit taken aback by the opposing viewpoint by willy. I understand that perspective also. By doing this, it put heat on my loved ones and particualrly my wife, poainting her in a corner so to speak. I appreciated that perspective.

I also appreciate others who have mentioned tidbits of my background and wanted to ensure that any opposing view was being being sensitive to my situation as well.

I do come here for all perspectives to make sure that I am not missing something before I take action. And as long as views are given in a manner that is intended to assist and not be a personal attack I welcome. I did not occur to me that willy's post was unsensiitive, and I could see his viewpoint.

all that being said, i handed the letter in last night. I waited about 10 minutes into the meeting, and then when they started to hit my with the prying Q's, I just whippped out the letter and said, "This should answer your Q's" Yes, they probably won't read it with an open mind and will rush to the last paragraph for the bottom line. Such is life. People like that are never pleased IMHO.

AS far as playing by their rules, I actually felt like I was a cat playing with my little mouse these last few months. I used their own rules against them. As I was walking the 20 feet to the back door to the KH last night, I had to stop myself twice to control my laughter so I could walk in with a straight face. The whole thing idisaccociation s laughable, especially since they had no idea it was coming. When of their first Q's was, "We heard some serious accusations against you and want to clear it up before we take action. For instance, we have heard that you have tried praying to Jesus."

Wow, praying to Jesus! What a terrible accusation . I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from busting out in uncontrollable laughter. If they could hear how they sound when they say dumb things like that.

Anyways, my wife is happy. With this behind me, i can spend more time with her and stop playing cat & mouse with the elders. I took her on a lunch date yesterday. We had a great time. We'll be doing more of that in the future. And we are going to both go to marraige counseling next week to make sure that we are now heading down the right track. We realy want this to work out.

Thanks for everyone's support and opinions.

Sincerely,

Paul Griger, Mukwonago, WI

[Winston.]

willyloman

Paul: That's great news, especially encouraging to hear about your wife's reaction to all this. It sounds like she values your relationship and that's critical. My own journey out has been made as pleasant as possible by my wife's open attitude, which has in just the past few months moved forward so fast I have trouble keeping up. For a long time I was reluctant to discuss my serious doubts with her, and now she's way ahead of me (). It's wonderful. Good luck.

My DA letter

Share this