Opinions Please....Engagement Timing

by Stacy Smith 58 Replies latest social relationships

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  William Penwell

  Yes there will be huge pressure when he asks. But in all honesty I'm going to decide one way or the other before we take that trip to Maui. If I decide no I'll give him plenty of signs that he shouldn't even ask. If he asks after I've decided no I'll still say no.

  Sorry to be critical but if you are not interested just tell him straight out so you both will know where the relationship is going. Personally I hate people that play emotional mind games. I have lived long enough and learned if its not to be move on, life is too short.

  Will
• 

  tink

  i don't think she's stringing him along. just because she may not be ready for a proposal yet doesn't mean she's not genuinely interested in building a future with him.
• 

  simplesally

  You're not a dubby anymore. If you want to get engaged, you won't be disciplined if you break the engagement. Just don't buy a wedding dress or put a deposit down on a reception place.
• 

  William Penwell

  tink,

  I am not suggesting that Stacy is stringing him along. I can't speak for all guys but I know myself I like to know where a relationship is going. If there is a future eventually that's great, if not say it like it is and move on. I am just tired of all the childish mind games out there that's all.

  Will
• 

  Stacy Smith

  Will I totally understand what you are saying. It isn't just guys who get played.

  I'm honestly mulling it over. I favor marrying this man, in due time. We've discussed all the what if's. We are on the same page. But there have been those signs about an engagment and I have a feeling it's coming.

  I have known Michael for awhile. He dated one of my friends last year. When he asked me out I told him I only wanted a college boyfriend and that was it. He felt the same way. He fell in love with me and I with him. That stuff happens. So that just a college boyfriend deal has changed.

  I'm just thinking right now, thinking too much with finals coming next week.
• 

  Red Witch

  He fell in love with me and I with him. That stuff happens.

  Yes it does, but that does not mean you need to get married. You have no idea now (and no, I do not know you, but I do know the female/bi nature) you will and I repeat will, go through personal value changes in your late 20's and again in your late 30's, although not as drastic in the late 30's. How can I be so sure? I have experienced it myself and have observed it many times over.

  Stacy, if you are asking...that should be your first hint. Getting married in our late teens, early 20's is a very JW "thing to do".

  A little personal experience: I met my current husband when he (a very fortunate person with no religeous upbringing) was 19, and I was ahem... he very obviously and clearly fell in love, and I recognized him to be a "worthy" mate. But I had other places to be, people to see, responsibilites to take care of (2 children from a jw marriage), and experiences to have. Well once these things were all done (8 yrs later), if you will, I decided it was time to have a significant other. Within a 6month period, I realized he was sitting right in front of me all 'growed up' and quietly waiting for me to wake up)! It has now been 8+yrs and going frightenly strong.

  I raised my children to not consider getting married until their late 20's and to not do it till then or their early 30's. It has proven to be wise advice.

  Listen to your heart at the gut level,

  Many bright blessings, RedWitch
• 

  ESTEE

  Stacy Smith, I'm glad you found yourself a sweety!

  My opinion is what's the rush...who's pressuring you now? After two months you are still in the "Romance" phase of the relationship where you only see each other's good points and possibly glaze right by some glaring red flags. You don't have to wait till you get married to have sex, you don't have a status or image to preserve in the congregation. Take your time. IMHO...give yourself a couple of years to really know each other and figure out if you are compatible and still want to be together.

  btw...John & I recently celebrated our three month anniversary!

  ESTEE
• 

  William Penwell

  Stacy,

  Will I totally understand what you are saying. It isn't just guys who get played.

  You are so right the games are played on both sides. I have personally never been one to play them myself as I always try to put myself in the other persons shoes. I just like a little honesty in a any relationships. The advise about going with your gut feeling is good. If it doesn't feel quit right then it probably isn't. Take your time, you are still young and if its meant to be it will be. I know with myself I was still trying to find out who I was, what I wanted well into my 30's.

  All the best,

  Will
• 

  DanTheMan

  Stacy, first of all congratulations, I am very happy for you and your man.

  I'm not experienced in relationships, dating me would probably be like dating a 21 year old, so I don't really know what advice to give.

  There was a JW girl in a congo I attended who married when she was about your age, I think that relatively few people are ready to make that sort of decision at that age but she was, though the marriage has had difficulties because of an age difference and money troubles, and of course the wacky religion. Some females are fully women by age 20, they are rare, but you strike me as possibly being that type. So I trust your judgement.
• 

  Panda

  OK everyone will hate me Stacy BUT Mr.Panda and I were engaged w/in 2 months. We got married about 8 months later. We've been married for 30 years. We do spend time on the phone everyday... yeah amazing isn't it? We've always been interested in similar ideas and hobbies. However, while he loves football and basketball, I'm a baseball fan. I think that we have really grown together over the years. There have been tough times, well ,still are every now and then. After I got baptized in1978 Mr.Panda started to study and got baptized a few months later. We did the usual borg stuff EXCEPT for having kids. Now I'm super glad we didn't because they would've been raised dubs and god I'd feel forever guilty.

  Back to the point. If you want to get married, get engaged first.

  See how your honey treats his mother (this is of paramount importance).

  Does he ever (and I mean EVER) ask you for money or to use your credit card? That is so totally not good, no excuses, no way.

  Does he wear socks? Honest this is something psychologists look for...really. Apparently the wandering male doesn't wear socks.

  Are his shoes slip on or tie. It takes more of a commitment to wear socks and tie your non-shiny shoes. Oh and no nylon socks for the faithful man.

  Do you actually have fun in bed, not the usual rabid rabbit thing but really enjoy being together. This is such a personal and important place for you to get along well in, I cannot stress this too much. Your entire mental health depends on this close relationship between you two.

  I have noticed that couples who stay together are the ones who hold hands. Kiss each other hello. Generally extend common curtesy to each other, NOT just in public but private too.

  Disagreements (which some of us call fights) --- they happen. If they don't there's something wrong. Lacy and Scott Petrerson NEVER fought.