Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer 60 Replies latest jw experiences

    PS: we suspect that after reading this letter you will be outraged and then text, or call on the phone, or drive down to express your negative thoughts and feelings towards us, the congregation and the organization. Please don't. Our hearts hurt enough already.

  • Moster

    Sorry this is happening. You have done your best to keep your life separate from them - for one reason and one reason ensure you are able to continue to have a relationship with them. Now they do this? It hurts, it hurts bad. What should you do about it? What can you do about it? The reality is there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

    Should you respond to them? To what end? Will it make you feel better? Most likely not. Make them tell you in person so you can both look into each other's eyes and see the hurt? Again to what end?

    They are not going to change their minds. The decision is rendered - you are shunned and that's final. Leave it as it is.

    Go about your life, and live it the way you want to.

    Forgive them - for they know not what they do.

  • dubstepped

    I would like to point out though that you don't have to agree to not respond. That's their rule, not yours, and basically condemning you and then asking you not to respond as if somehow they were the victim is cowardly. I would absolutely respond in any way I wanted. Knowing full well, of course, that they won't listen so I wouldn't try to save them, but I'd be kind while firmly showing them how cruel and messed up what they're doing is and how monstrous shunning is. I would put the blame firmly back on them.

    I don't think silence is good. That's exactly what they want. Jehovah's Witnesses want you to feel shame and slink away. Why? So they don't have to face reality. I'd make them see what they're doing. In fact, that's something that woke me up. And since I've been shunned I have walked right up to family I've seen while out and said hi. It makes them shun me to my face, something that is difficult for them, and I want them to feel that. Why should they be awful and have it easy? Easy is often synonymous with enabling and I won't give tacit approval to that behavior.

  • mrquik

    You will not win in this situation. Say nothing. Have no contact. I know it's hard. I disinherited my oldest after she felt the need to shun me. It's been 12 years & I have my own family to attend to. Blood only makes relatives; not families. Move on.

  • ToesUp

    My spouse and I have a agreement between us: "We only want people in our lives that genuinely WANT to be there."

    Loved this mrquik, "Blood only makes relatives; not families. Move on."

  • Finkelstein

    Its disturbing how people like devoted JWS obey these cult leaders word for word, even to the point of committing suicide by refusing a blood transfusion or destroying their families.

    From a theological perspective the leaders of the WTS (GB) are apostate sinners in their activity as publishing charlatans, yet people still make a solemn vow of dedication and devotion to these men.

    Its a stunning example of how mental indoctrination can have onto people's psychological state.

    8 million people on this earth are waiting and preparing for the ancient Hebrew god to destroy just about all of humanity and return the earth to a so called paradise state which actually never existed.

    Far fetched belief , you betcha and people are willing to die or break apart their own families to achieve being saved from being destroyed.

  • JoenB75

    If I received such a letter and wanted to give a constructive response, I would write back and ask them to justify their position from a biblical viewpoint. It probably accomplishes nothing but there is a fool's hope.

  • Fadeaway3pointer

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I am going to spend some time digesting this info. I do not have to resolve this immediately.

    I am not DA or DF - neither are my wife and children. We were able to move away and stop attending.

    Everyone knows us in our former city as my wife and I were pioneers and i was an Elder as well. It was a shock to our former conditional friends when we stopped - our family name was well known and aways the “model” (cough, cough) spiritual family. Little do they know we woke up!

    we have been shunned for years by everyone except our parents - we have worked very hard to maintain relationship with them Whats funny is that my wifes parents are still ok - Im heading to their house tomorrow to help with some maintenance on their property - unless my folks have gotten to them... i wonder if they will say anything? I will let you know...

  • just fine
    just fine

    When I was leaving I framed my interactions with my parents in the context that they are manipulators, and deal with them accordingly. It helped me to remove some of the emotion because I could see it for what it was - emotional blackmail. I wouldn’t accept it from anyone else in my life so why would I accept it from them.

    We didn’t speak for many years. I graduated college, got married, started a career all with no contact. After I had been married for nearly 15 years they decided to contact me. I laid down the ground rules -I wanted a relationship with them but I wouldn’t be manipulated or guilted. I didn’t want to hear anything about religion. And it’s been working, mostly for a number of years:

  •  The Bethelite
    The Bethelite

    Two options

    1. "the famous Indian Navajo trick" (must read my book New Boy to find out what it is)

    2. Reverse shunn. Ask them is there any reason the can't have a relationship with their grandchildren since the haven't got baptized yet. If they say "no reason" say well they believe just like me and my wife and other "worldly people" you know they associate with so whats the big deal!

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