So getting disfellowshipped sounds kind of great.

by schnell 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • schnell

    @Pete Zahut, that's been my stance so far. I believe you're right. It gets annoying and even painful when people ask me, or ask my wife about me. It's the worst when a nice, wonderful brother who's dying, whose whole reason for waking up in the morning is because of his beliefs, wants to talk to me about them. I am not enough of an asshole to challenge that and take his faith away from him.

    All the other cultist dorks who should know better, the ones who rationalize all the faults and failures by looking forward to the new scrolls in the new system, I can sort of deal with and would rather shoo away. The old ladies who think Buddhists worship a god named Buddha... they can take an especially long hike.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Welcome, schnell! 30 years a Watchtower Slave was the first ex-witness book I read. Don't even bother to talk to them, just ignore them and they will not care after a while.

    What about your relationship with your wife? Would that be impacted?

  • schnell

    @Heaven, heh, Christmas. Never had any desire to celebrate it but I do love my Christmas Vacation and Krampus was freaking awesome!

    The whole holiday thing is just weird. I seriously saw a conversation on Facebook where a brother asked if Bosses Day has pagan origins......

  • dubstepped

    I've said it once and I'll say it again, who is "playing their game", the guy that stays in and has to lie and hide things or the guy that tells them to fuck off with a disassociation letter and therefore ends all contact? That whole "playing their" game bit has been played out over and over and as one that disassociated, I got to stop playing it. Game over. In the meantime I watch the majority of you that fade go through so much drama to keep your fade going.

    It's up to you schnell as to what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with disassociating if that's your choice. My wife and I did it and life has been so much better since leaving. It is all quiet on the toxic JW front, unlike many who fade and have to "play the game" for family and/or friends.

    You do you. Only you know what you want, and of course you need to work alongside your wife with this. If you want to fade, that's fine, but realize that you'll have to pretend not to be the real you when in among those people, thus playing their game. If you want to end the game, there's a tool for that too, but it is permanent and you can't un-ring that bell. We've not regretted it.

  • rebel8

    Congratulations on seeking and accepting the truth. That is a very difficult thing to do, as many of us know firsthand.

    You don't have to play by their rules anymore. DF and DA is their rule. If you need closure, there are plenty of ways to do that w/o reinforcing their authority over you.

    Your choice, of course. Good luck.

  • schnell

    @Village Idiot, it's a great book. Comparing that to the Faith in Action videos, you see how much of a jerk Rutherford was and how they still try to paint him in a positive light.

    @dubstepped, I hear you. I thought I could just try to ignore everything and be a JW anyway... Cognitive dissonance doesn't allow that for long. The first nice lady out in service who expressed how much she loved the Trinity had me thinking, "She seems happy with this. Why should I debate the details of something I personally find ridiculous?"

    @rebel8 (and others making this point) yeah, I agree. I stopped seeing elders as wise sages a long time ago. They're not. Many of them are delusional homophobes who watch Fox News but don't vote. Why would I want this person's opinion on my spirituality?

    I fought hard for my wife. I loved her before she was baptized, and the elders looked down on me for it. She has promised not to leave me, even through all this. If she does, then goddammit will I be heartbroken, but I'll let her go because it's her choice. Because I'm not the "head," I'm her partner. Thankfully, I see a lot of the same doubt in her eyes that I've had, and her reaction to stuff like the anti-gay Caleb and Sofia cartoon is priceless!

  • schnell

    I'll say this. If I do DA, I want to write a freaking dissertation on every single thing that's wrong with this. They aren't in for a letter. They'll wish they only got a letter.

  • dubstepped

    Just for transparency, it is unlikely that your letter will be read in it's entirety or that more than maybe one or two elders will look at it. But in my view, that letter isn't for them, it's for you. It was cathartic to sit and write some of those things out. I actually went for the kill them with kindness letter to freak them out and not be what they would think I would be, and I can say that it worked. I forgot to sign mine and they had to call me to verify that I wrote it, which makes sense, so I let them know and was so nice to them. I went out as the good and kind person that I wanted to be. I wanted to be better than them, not to play into their preconceived notions. That was my style, and they were blown away by my attitude when talking with them. Like I said though, that was me, and you've got to do you. If you write one at some point, on your own timeline, do it however you want, however you will look back later and feel good about it.

  • HereIgo

    I agree with Dub, they will likely not read the entire letter, they will probably just read it enough to understand what it is that you are trying to do and move on with it. No doubt though, that YOU will feel better after and that's all that matters.

    Good luck!

  • schnell

    Oh, I'm sure they won't read it, and I could summarize everything with a list of other books you could read to get the same thing....

    Like this:

    "30 Years a Watchtower Slave" by Schnell

    "The Hero With a Thousand Faces" by Joseph Campbell

    "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins (especially hilarious when he brings up "Life: How Did It Get Here?")

    "The Bible Unearthed" by Finkelstein and Silberman

    "Forged" by Bart D. Ehrman

    "Spooky Science: Debunking the Pseudoscience of the Afterlife" by John Grant

    The Ken Ham vs Bill Nye debate on Youtube and anything from Potholer54 or Matt Dillahunty.

    And pretty much anything by Alan Watts.

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