Angry and scared
Hugs Blackwolf....did you ever seek advice from a counselor at the high school nearest you or at your town's local public health center as was recommended in your earlier post? If not I hope you do.
Perhaps by saying "I don't know", you're being too vague with your Mom . Maybe the next time your Mom brings up the subject of your baptism, you could respectfully remind her that getting baptized it a personal decision and you understand why she keeps asking you about it, but you'd like the decision to be made in your own time rather than because you are being pressured into it. Tell her you'll let her know when you've made a decision and until then you'd appreciate it if she'd stop asking you about it.
Mom: The end is so close...when are you getting baptized Blackwolf??
You: Mom...I get why you keep bringing this up but I really need to do this in my own time. Every time you ask me that question it makes me feel that I'd only be doing it because you are forcing me to rather than because I'm ready. I promise I'll let you know when I've reached a decision, until then it would really help if you didn't ask me about it anymore?
If she disagrees or argues, just look her in the eye and respectfully listen and no matter how hard it may be not to comment on what she says, just listen. You've given her an answer, stick to it and make no further comment. Gently change the subject each time she brings it up.
Mom: Have you given baptism any more thought?
You: We talked about this before Mom....so anyway, do you need any help making dinner? I was thinking I'd make a salad.
Mom: I asked you a question.
You: Do we have any fresh lettuce?
What kind of jobs have you looked for? You might want to try bagging groceries. Can you drive and if so do you have a car? It would help to set up goals for yourself.
Ah, to be 17 and think that my current situation is desperate and urgent.
No, I don't mean to minimize. Of course you have huge obstacles in front of you. But take them slow and calmly and do your best. You will make real friends when you get some distance from the cult, perhaps not until you live on your own.
If college is absolutely out with your parents, look for a way to focus on that on your own later. You will want to improve your financial outcome and it will take years, but you have years.
Just start talking about Jesus all the time and how he taught that we shouldn't judge shouldn't exalt ourselves, and we should have love and compassion for everyone love everyone even our enemies. Make sure you use the name Jesus a lot . This will shut her up most jws have an aversion to Jesus without even knowing it.
I second what Pete Zahut said above.
Do not and I repeat DO NOT get baptized. If you get baptized AND THEN come out your butt will be thrown out immediately. Play it safe and you'll be fine. I was in a similar situation pretty much and I am 22 now, still not baptized.
Stall as long as you possibly can.Remind your mum that getting baptized is a life long committment and that its a personal decision between you and jehovah.
I wasn't raised in, but what I can say is that I really wish I didn't get baptized. Not particularly because of any spiritual reason, but because of the social aspects of shunning. It's horrible for me to have to say "I wish I didn't get baptized because if I decide to research and talk openly about questions, I will get shunned". Just saying that out loud is mind blowing, when you consider how much love you're supposed to feel regarding a decision of dedication.
Stay strong, don't be pressured into it. Read and research as much as possible. I find strength in that.
Pete zahut: I appreciate your advice a lot but the thing is that i have done exactly those things and it only seems to anger my parents even more. Every time they ask I just say that it's my own decision to make when I'm ready, and then my dad just says "well, when will you be ready?". It's really frustrating because if I try to actually talk to them about my doubts things will end badly like they did last time. They of course won't accept any reasoning unless it is from the watchtower. I fear that once they realize the full extent of my doubts they will kick me out. My parents shun several of our family members who were never baptized because "they turned their back on Jehovah". I know they will do the same to me.
Thanks everybody for your advice, it's nice to not have to feel like I am all alone.
BlackWolf: Every time they ask I just say that it's my own decision to make when I'm ready, and then my dad just says "well, when will you be ready?". It's really frustrating because if I try to actually talk to them about my doubts things will end badly like they did last time.
Then don't talk to them about your doubts.
Your parents want reassurances from you. I think they are fearful. Of what...who knows? It could be varied - fear that their baby won't make it to paradise...fear that they won't make it there if they aren't seen as good parents...
Regardless, what you are doing/saying now isn't working. Maybe tell them, next time they ask about you getting baptized, that you are praying about it. And tell them not to worry about you so much because you know that Jehovah loves you anyways even if you haven't been dunked. Tell them that in your heart, and in your prayers, you know that Jehovah will tell you when the time is right. They won't be able to argue with Jehovah.