Angry and scared

by BlackWolf 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • BlackWolf

    I feel like everything that comes out of my mothers mouth is something negative and cringe worthy. All she seems to talk about with me is how terrible and demonic our disfellowshipped relatives are, how horrible the world and holidays are, or how she is so much better and "holier than thou". It really makes me sick sometimes. I Know she is just trying to scare me into wanting to get baptized. She's been doing it all the time lately, she asks me almost everyday if I want to get baptized and my answer is always that I don't know. I wish I had more courage to speak up and tell her how I really feel, but I'm terrified. I don't want my parents to treat me like I'm a bad person. The last times I've tried to talk about my doubts didn't end well. But at the same time the thought of having to stay in this religion for the rest of my life makes me feel like taking a knife to my throat. My mom always says that life is only worse out in the "world", but I know that can't be true. I will be 18 next year and I'm so scared about the decision I'm going to have to make. I have no friends or family that I'm close to, I have nobody. I can't seem to find a job to save up money either, so I don't really know what to do. Thanks for reading this, sometimes I just need to get things out of my system. Any advice would be appreciated.


    Stay positive and don't let your mom or anyone else get into your head. Love yourself first and foremost and don't let them put their fears into your heart and mind, as you can see what it has done to them. You will be fine, get a skill/education/degree/or a dream etc. to support yourself, do what makes you happy and stay positive. Real friends and family will come. I have been in your predicament and I made it out fine, and so can you. Enjoy your life, and never stop learning, do onto others as you would want done onto you and stay away from negative, hateful, fearful people JW or not. Your brave and you can do it so stay confident and courageous.

  • Zoos

    I don't know what your belief system is, but try this:

    "I would like to get baptized but I only want to dedicate my life to God, not an organization. As long as the Watchtower perverts baptism into a contract with a religious corporation, I'll have to hold off."

    .... and then quote the second question asked of baptismal candidates.

  • zeb

    Unconditional you said it for me as well.

  • iwasblind

    Blackwolf, you are 18 and have so much life ahead of you. Take the opportunity of youth and set yourself up. There are so many great things to experience out in the "bad" ole world. They want to make you feel like you have no options but believe me you being awake at this age is wonderful. You are very fortunate not to lose your early years to this thing. Even if you don't want to get a degree - educate yourself in ways of money and investing, learn to work hard and learn. Please don't get baptized, live your life and become the best person you can be. PM me anytime you want to chat.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Time flies. Just hang on a little longer. You will be fine as long as you don't get baptized.

    You said you have no friends outside. Time to start, little by little, one conversation at a time.

  • millie210

    Hugs to you Blackwolf. Life is scary when your 18 (or almost) even when everything with your parents is great. Its a lot to think about being on the threshold of an adult life.

    I dont usually give advice but I would say get all the education you can.

    That seems to be the thing people regret most if they dont.

    Hopefully your parents will help you with that.

  • zeb

    Black she heading your way.

  • scratchme1010

    So sorry you're going through that. You don't deserve to be scared in the home that is supposed to be your nurturing refuge, leave alone by your own mother.

    My mother was always raging and looking for something bad to say about everything and everyone. It's no fun to have a person like that as your mom, trust me, I know.

    Just know that you're not alone, and that you have your life ahead of you. The right time to face life as an adult will come, and also the opportunities to start forging the life that you want for yourself. Hopefully you may not have to choose between her and your life.

    I don't know the particulars of your story, but with my mom I had no choice but to learn to set boundaries with her. She wouldn't just quit. So little by little I started pointing to her how angry, bitter and argumentative she was all the time, and that "paradise" isn't exactly the word that came to mind when I saw her or hear her talking so badly about others. Notice that I didn't have to defend any of the shunned ones; I only pointed out her behavior, regardless of who she was ranting about.

    That helped me some times, but sometimes she would just explode in anger and would start throwing things.

    So yes, I wish I could say that things can get better, they never did with my mom, although later in her life she learned to behave better as she saw that as an adult I became quite happy and successful, while all she was still doing was ranting, arguing, yelling and preaching.

  • Introvert 2
    Introvert 2

    As mentioned above I've seen it countless times myself the kids that didn't get baptized still have their families, most of those that did are now out and shunned. One girl in my local ex-jw FB group hasn't spoken to her parents in 25 years ! She now has children of her own, sick ! Lots of good comments here keep reading and learning. I've noticed lots of the people working at the local coffee shops / McDonalds are students, they seem dynamic and are there to learn and gain real world experience. Looks good on any resumé give it a shot maybe when you don't have classes ?

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