Angry and scared

by BlackWolf 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Pete zahut: I appreciate your advice a lot but the thing is that i have done exactly those things and it only seems to anger my parents even more. Every time they ask I just say that it's my own decision to make when I'm ready, and then my dad just says "well, when will you be ready?".

    It's not the end of the world if your parents get angry...people get angry, they disagree about things, its a fact of life. They'll just have to get over it won't they? All parents have to come to terms with the fact that their kids are growing up and it's perfectly normal for them to want to keep their thoughts to themselves once in awhile.

    Get comfortable with not feeling as if you have to please everyone all of the time. They are choosing to make a big deal over this. It's not up to you to deal with their feelings if they choose not to accept your answer. You're the kid, your parents well being isn't your responsibility.

    As I said before, if you've given your parents a solid answer such as " It's my decision and I'll let you know what my plans are when the time comes" and yet they keep asking or want further information, you should remain respectful and calm but tell them in a lighthearted way with a smile on your face "Oh must have forgotten that we've already talked this over. Ok..once again, I need you to respect the fact that dedicating my life to someone or something is a personal decision and it is between me and Jehovah only. "

    Then say no more....just smile and change the subject or go on about your business. If they pursue the subject you could laugh and say in a joking sing song way " I can't hearrrr youuuu....I'm not listeninggg " Don't be to serious and grim with your parents when anything JW related comes up.

    Part of the problem here is that as a young person and (somewhat because you are female), you probably don't like the discomfort that comes along with standing up for yourself when you need to, and in order to avoid the discomfort you become overly serious and responsible and revert to being a little girl and give in to their unreasonableness . People (even parents) can become quite pushy when dealing with others who are too willing to please everyone all the time. We sometimes need to let them know where their boundaries are and the better we are at doing this in a light hearted yet firm way, the less conflict we'll have.

    Your parents deserve your respect but they are going beyond their "bible based" authority by trying to force you into doing something you don't want to do or aren't ready for. It's perfectly OK to set boundaries on this topic and respectfully remind them that you're not going to budge until you're ready.

    This is why you need to talk to someone (a professional) who can advise you on how to deal with this situation and help you figure out what your options are. You'll have the courage of your convictions once you have a plan and have facts to base them on.

  • Dreamerdude

    Black Wolf, maybe you can use this month's JWTV to build common ground with your parents. You can explain how you were impressed by the faith building example of Thelma, the 107 old lady who is keeping up with present truth. Although she was raised in the truth from the age of 10 she took the time to make the truth her own and got baptized at the age of 30, in imitation of Jesus. This was after she had been married for 8 years. You can explain that you also want to serve Jehovah for the long term, maybe 100 years or so. This seems so much better than the tragedies that happened to your relatives who got baptized before they were ready and left the truth.

  • Giordano

    If I remember correctly your parents have isolated you. Apparently they consider your refusal to accept all things JW as a mental issue.

    This pressure by your Mom may be because your Dad is an Elder and a new one at that. I am not sure but it may be that his position could be in question if your 18, live at home and you are still not baptized. It also may be an issue with having a younger sister and your mom being concerned that she will follow in your steps.

    By all means........ do not get Baptized unless you personally believe in this religion. As hard as it is and has been for you growing up............being baptized and making a mistake (so easy to do) is the road towards being shunned by your family for like forever.

    Right now you need to make sure you acquire a valid High School degree (I remember you were home schooled). You may need to follow up with a couple of classes at your local HS. A good way to seek some counseling and even meet a few people.

    You will also need to do one of two things........become an apprentice where you can learn a trade on the job and or make sure you get into an AA program at a local Community College. Try to develop real job skills as soon as you can as it doesn't look like you will be able to count on your parents.

    Would your non believing relatives take you in and provide some housing etc. when you turn 18? It sounds to me that you will need a fall back position by then.

    Best to start thinking about that now.

    If your done with your home schooling try to get a full or part time job.........ASAP.

    Tell someone in a business your interested in or one that you can adjust to that you will work a few days for free if they can show you the ropes......that opens the door and give's you a chance to learn. At the very least you should get leads to other firms or business's that are looking for help or at least a letter of recommendation.

    Also reach out to select people that are on this forum through the private/personal mail that this site provides. Especially people who have followed your story and offered you good advice. Just reread your posts and try a few hello's to those that took an interest in what you had to say. While this is an international site there are also great EX JW's that probably live in Florida. Keep your name, address and phone number private while you develop a few safe relationships.

    Above all stay in contact with us and don't hesitate to vent, moan or groan. You have earned your place on this forum and all the good will and knowledge that is available to you.

  • RichardHaley
    "well, when will you be ready?".
    When I am on my own under my own roof and the descision is 100% mine.
  • Vidiot
    OrphanCrow - "...fear that their baby won't make it to paradise...fear that they won't make it there if they aren't seen as good parents..."

    ...Fear that they'll look "bad" to the rest of the congregation...

  • Vidiot
    BlackWolf - "My parents shun several of our family members who were never baptized because 'they turned their back on Jehovah'."

    I would strongly suggest discreetly getting in touch with some of these relatives.

    You will never get your loyalist parents to accept your non-baptism/exit, but you might be surprised at how sympathetic and helpful your "worldy" family might be.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Black wolf,

    Seems that your parents are the intransigent, zealot type. Is there an elder or ministerial servant that is well respected and reasonable regarding your problem. Some JW's understand and are more patient. Sounds crazy, but you may get an ally in the congregation that may be able to placate your parents.

    "I am not ready" is a good answer and a reasonable JW could help you keep your parents off your case for a while. I have known some JW's who understand quite well the statement "I am not ready"

  • Finkelstein

    Accept the fact BlackWolf that your relatives are brainwashed by the WTS. and therefore they think the way they do.

    Yes its wrought with ignorance and corruption instigated by the WTS in its fear mongering publishing empire but that's the reality of it .

    I have relatives that are mentally controlled by this cult as well unfortunately.

    Your not alone , take care

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