Our fade-gossip-elders calling

by All for show 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • stuckinarut2

    And I echo others comments above.

    You owe no explanation to any elder. Don't play games or be drawn into discussions that you dont want.

    Remind them politely of appropriate boundaries, while maintaining your dignity and calmness.

    Do not give them any power over you. The only power they have is that which you allow them.

  • James Jack
    James Jack
    Tell the Elders to have that Sister call your husband. Then he can tell the truth, and counsel her for not talking to him 1st. (Matt 18:15)
  • pbrow

    Turn in your letter, renounce your membership and be done with it. Do you really want to be an official member of an org that acts this way?

    Dont kid yourself... until you write a letter and gtfo, you are still a member, still have to tippy toe, still have to fade. Your conscience will thank you for it.


  • All for show
    All for show


    If it were only that easy. We would all go by our picture and real names on this website. Nor would most of us be as frustrated, sad, and annoyed as we are.

  • leaving_quietly

    I'm sorry you're going through this @All for show.

    My issue is just the opposite. I kind of have a different perspective now. I used to think that it would be awful if the elders came calling. Well, I guess I still do. But I've had such a weird experience with my fade that having them at least CALL would be something. I haven't been in service since March. I've skipped mid-week meetings since July, and now I'm starting to back off of Sunday meetings, too. No calls.

    When I was taken off the sound department list, the elder in charge asked me if the brothers had spoken with me. I told him, "no." He said, "Well, I have to make up a new list and maybe you can be on it in the future." That was it.

    In early September, an elder in passing told me that the group overseer and he would like to make a call on me and when was a good time? (I say "in passing" because we were in the restroom and he was using the facilities when he said this... tacky.) I told him to schedule it whenever and let me know. That was September. No calls. And I've talked to them at the KH many times since then. They've had EVERY opportunity to make an appointment.

    Last month was CO visit. Typically, during CO visit, the inactive are called on. I am now inactive. Any call? Nope. And our congregation has very few inactive ones.

    During my fade, for six or seven months I turned in my FS report with 0 hours. Each month. This month, I didn't turn in a report at all. I just noticed my name is no longer on the Field Service Groups list posted on the information board. It's protocol now that inactive ones are not included. Did the secretary call me? Nope. Text? Nope. Email? Nope. Does he talk to me at the meeting. Sure. No problem. How about the group overseer? Calls? Texts? Email? Nope. Nothing. Any asking of why I haven't been going in service or meetings slacking off? Nope.

    My point is: while I would dread an actual visit, I'm kinda disturbed that there has been NO attempt whatsoever. It's not like they're blind to it. And I have a good rapport with all of them. So, what gives? I have no idea. At this point, my opinion is, if they want to talk to me now, that ship has sailed. They had ample opportunities over the past year, and they decided not to do any shepherding.

    I've heard no gossip (not that I care,) thankfully.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Last night my husband got an email from the elder who was his friend. They want to meet up because sisters, in another congregation saw him out to lunch with a women.... My husband, who isn't a born in, thinks its just ridiculous and with his career has no time to deal with it. Of course I am pissed!

    Lovely, the JW gossip mill is running full steam. When I was removed as an elder, I used that mill to expedite my fade and the elders have left me in peace since then. While the accusation against me was little, the fury of the gossip mill against the elders turned on with a passion after I spread my side. Here's a link to that thread:

    Who were these sisters and why didn't they follow the "Scriptural instruction" to clarify these matters with the supposed offender before spreading the story? If they saw him, they could have easily gone up and said hello and the matter could have been cleared up in a minute. Instead, they ran off to start feeding the slander machine that is designed to condemn him as an adulterer. Paul had plenty to say about such busy-body women in the congregation.

    Now you have the opportunity to go to everyone in the congregation and ask them if they started or spread this gossip/slander. And you can let them know that you're just not comfortable with the lack of love and scriptural obedience in these local congregations.

  • ttdtt
    I think it would be interesting if you sent an email to your husbands elder friend explaining the lunch in 1 sentence as you just did. Then say why didn't the "JW" just come up and talk to him instead of going to you "the elder" - was she afraid?
  • All for show
    All for show

    Unbeknownst to me, my hubby emailed the brother back. This is what he said-

    It is unfortunate the sisters had such a willing spirit to suspect the worst and spread gossip. As followers of Christ we should be doing exactly that, following him-not gossipers. I will not entertain this subject as it is unloving, unkind, and inappropriate. Not only to myself and colleagues, but to my wife and children.

    In the loving manner of a Shepherd and follower of Christ, I would assume you will be correcting the matter with the sisters and applying the appropriate scriptural counsel. This matter is closed and will not be discussed any further.

  • OneEyedJoe
    That's a pretty good response. Something tells me the elders won't love being schooled on how to follow the example of christ by a spiritually weak, inactive "brother" though.
  • Alive!
    Excellent response!

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