Brother Hitting on Df'd Brothers Wife at KH
In the name of holy association, a sexually frustrated male will try to establish a relationship with isolated sisters. sharing lotion has the connotation of setting up house, sharing the close touch, while the hapless husband is out of bounds.
A married woman might forgive her husband a dalliance (HRC) but not a deep relationship, the kind the amorous "brother" is trying to develop. Men differ.
An interesting ploy of these eager adonises is to to get a place that gives them 2 hrs of unrestricted view of the sister of their choosing, , married or not, prompting the discerning family to make the needed moves during song / prayer.
It's a power play.
Waton- why does anyone have to look after her- why can't she tell the guy get lost. If he asks for lotion say no I don't have any.
It's not the lotion, I have a bottle I leave out on my desk, the men I work with use it too. But if I were at the Christmas Party sitting with my husband, whom they refused to acknowledge, it would be in appropriate to come ask me for anything.
edited to add: I would never put my husband in a spot to be treated that way. I wouldn't allow it or be complicit in others doing it. So glad I don't have to deal with it.
To resolve this unwanted attention for good she should ask the next time ......
" Why do you need lotion, were you planing to go to the bathroom and masturbate ? "
He will never bother her again !
Can't we just put some crushed up poison ivy in the lotion especially for the dweeb and end this debate for once and all?
Exactly what I was thinking not just yet.
Good points raised. It is tempting to portray your friend's wife as unable to assert herself when this man approaches her. He may interpret any hesitancy or diffidence on her part to her being in "two minds" about his overtures. At some level this misguided male needs to hear directly from her; she doesn't have to be rude but she does need to be firm and unapologetic: He needs to stop what he is doing or there will be consequences (e.g., elders advised, her husband will confront him whether he acknowledges the husband or not).
because her husband is df he could do and say whatever he wanted because the df Guy is not allowed to speak to anyone at kh
That is 100% true It is also true that if one is DF'd others who are still in can do and say anything in front of the DF'd person and get away with it The eldumms will NEVER listen to anything a DF'd person says, even if they had photo proof of the drunkenness, illegal drug use, or fornicating.
Remember? In Dubland a DF'd person is "dead".
There must be at least a dozen other people Br. Awkward could ask for lotion.
A simple "I'm flattered by your kindness, but I *am* married, and my husband would not appreciate all this attention from you" should suffice. If he tries further she could say "I am praying that my husband will be moved to be Reinstated™ some day, and I wouldn't want him to have a misunderstanding of your friendship that would Stumble™ him and keep him from returning."
When I was starting to fade from meetings, my beautiful wife "J " still attended, even if I missed. She even attended the District Assembly alone and came home on the lunch break of the first day because she couldn't stand hearing them once again denigrating "higher education". She left that assembly and has never gone to another JW event. (yeah!!)
Early in my fade, the elders came over and said " Pete...you wouldn't want to miss out on everlasting life and have"J" marry some other man and raise your boys would you? I wanted to punch his lights out but I just said.... "Not really too worried about it to tell you the truth but thanks for that little day brightener though".
Anyway, there was this middle aged twice divorced single guy from the other congregation that met at our Hall, that started showing up our meetings and apparetnly kept trying to chat up my wife and wasn't too subtle about it. He'd sit near her and she could tell he was watching her and it creeped her out enough that she thought she should mention it to me. I attended the next Sunday meeting and as we usually do, we held hands as we walked into the Hall and as we talked to people and eventually made our way down the aisle past him and found our seats. As usual she sat turned toward me leaning in a little and/or I with my arm draped over her shoulder.
Apparently that was enough for him to snap him back to the reality that this was a happily married woman who despite whatever fantasy he conjured up in his mind, had a husband who was very much in the picture. He mysteriously stopped coming to our meetings and we heard that he was being a pest to a young sister in another Hall who had no interest in the guy. (I suppose you have to cut the guy a little slack...who knows what one might do if they got lonely enough?)
In every group there will always be some clod who doesn't have a clue how to behave but it seems to me that in JW land, there is, on some subconscious level, an added element of disregard for anyone whom they deem as spiritually weak. There is also to be found an extra ability to thoroughly convince oneself of imagined realities.
Not in every culture are ladies able or primed to give the proverbial kick to the groin to inappropriate advances (to a married woman) for example. Even the inherent friendliness warmth of the orientals can be seen as a mis-cue for love - starved males.
Wt with it's invasive rules, leaves no outlet for the hormones' action, which was good when population size mattered. So:
what should be the overseer's role in this, are the husbands, absent, disfellowshipped, old, --left to their own devices to head off amorous advances, attacks on their families ? overt or subtle?