Typical meeting programme:
Same old help us listen prayer
"Treasures from God's word" comprising:
10 minute talk about how Jehovah loves us but we will probably die if he has a hissy fit.
"Digging for Spiritual gems"
8 minute Q&A except the Questions and source material are printed so you can parrot the answers.
Bible Reading (4 mins)
Where some stuttering fool or ex-elder (also often a stuttering fool) with a penis reads from "God's Word".
"Apply Yourself to the Ministry" meeting
Initial call (2 mins) Hi buddy - do you think God cares about us - no.
Return Visit (4 mins) Hi buddy, I called yesterday afternoon and we discussed how God will wipe out wickedness. Did we? Oh right let me know more (eye roll).
Bible Study (6 mins) Here look at this stupefying skit on my tablet. Oh how wunnerful! Blah jwdotorg blah see you next week.
"Living as Christians Meeting"
Crappy dirge of a song
(15 minutes) crappy video trumpeting organisation and reminding of donation opportunity. If local needs then leave your willy alone and don't wank to porn like red faced brother we haven't named but who you all know who we're talking about because of the Public Reproof from last month or the elder that blabbed and now you all know anyway.
If upcoming Convention then reminders not to save seats, wear tight trousers, knock over granny on her zimmer (walker) frame and follow attendants instructions. Oh and use our hotels so we get free luxury en-suite rooms with 100 TV channels and drinks gratis.
Congregation "Bible" Study (30 mins)
Kingdom Rules Book "How we worship the Governing Body but don't really and how our prophecies weren't prophecies but always nearly came right despite millions now dead who thought they would be alive rubbish crap lies including new light."
Boring Review of crap just heard plus Preview of next week's crap (3 minutes)
Dirge to guilt trip us and remind us how wunnerful the GB are.
Closing prayer about how we serve shoulder to shoulder as we serve soooooooooo deeeeeeep in the time of the end awaiting your grand promises.
Run for door before keen Secretary asks about your blood card being signed.