Your opinion of...

by MrMoe 71 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  MrMoe

  Men or women who cheat on thier spouses, not just once, but repeatedly, with various people.

  Also, do you find those actions mature, or... immature?

  Curious. Personally, I loathe cheating, I find thier actions selfish and EXTREMELY immature. IMO they are more disgusting than a liar. I also loathe people who know a person is married and have sex with them, anyhow.

  So, what is your 2 cents?

  Also, if you knew somebody was cheating, would you tell? I wouldn't only because I know how deeply that would hurt somebody. But I would sure make it clear to the cheater what a sleaze bag they are.

  FYI, I am not talking about falling in love with a single person while stuck in a dead end marriage. That strangely can be different, esp when that person is being denied sex, and staying together for the kids. I know, double standard, but ah well. What I am addressing is not falling in love, but rather, having random sex with multiple people, placing your marriage partner at high risk for disease.
• 

  SanFranciscoJim

  Faithful monogamy is a western (Christian) ethic. Other cultures and other religions are more tolerant of multiple partners and/or spouses. Personally, I believe the ethic of monogamy saves a lot of emotional turmoil. But then, I wasn't raised in a culture where my father had a harem, so I don't know what my feelings would be on the subject had I come from such a society.

  I lived in the West Indies for 13 years. During that time, I found that a great many West Indian men (at least on some islands) traditionally have both a wife and a mistress. Often, the two women not only know about the other -- they are friends. The only West Indian men who did not adhere to this custom were JWs, and I often wondered if they kept someone on the side but just didn't talk about it.

  Would I "report" someone if I knew they were being unfaithful? Only if I knew for a fact that they were acting sexually irresponsibly, possibly endangering their mate with HIV or other sexually transmitted disease. Otherwise, it is not my place to interfere.
• 

  iiz2cool

  Moe, I'm glad you qualified what you said at the bottom of your post. Some of us are in such situations, and have been so for an extended period of time, and are seeking to end the marriage. I certainly would never consider cheating if I were in a mutually satisfying relationship.

  Walter
• 

  MrMoe

  I do think they are almost always exceptions. Sometimes, a marriage is no longer a marriage, and each situation is different. But having sex just for the thrill of having sex and then going back home to your spouse and having sex with them, ewwwww
• 

  shamus

  I find people who cheat disgusing, too.

  They obviously do not take marriage vows very seriously, and certainly do not take persons feelings into consideration. I think it's sick, really.

  Would I tell? Of course. I think it would be considered inconsiderate rather than immature.
• 

  iiz2cool

  Having sex just for the thrill of having sex? I was like that in my pre-jw days; alot of recreational sex. It didn't take long for that to grow very stale. Now, I couldn't even kiss someone I didn't care for, let alone have sex with them just for a thrill.

  Walter
• 

  Sassy

  Just because I am no longer acting as a JW, does not mean I now consider 'anything goes' ok. I think if one is in a relationship with someone, they should be loyal to their spouse, not just for their spouses benefit but for their own self respect as well.
• 

  nilfun

  Could another possibility be sex addiction?

  About 3% to 5% of U.S. adults have the disorder, studies suggest. They're not pedophiles or otherwise deviant in their sexual practices, Coleman says. They're straight or gay people with intense, recurrent sexual fantasies who are uncontrollably driven to compulsive sexual acts that cause them trouble. Also, true sex addiction can't be chalked up to drug or alcohol abuse or any medical condition, he says.

  ...

  Adds study co-author Jon Morgenstern of Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York: "They're really suffering. Their lives are being destroyed."

  Therapy is virtually always needed, even if a patient takes medication, says Philadelphia psychologist Steve Eichel, who treats many sex addicts. "A lot of them are very successful professionally, but they're in trouble ? in trouble with their wives, in legal trouble around prostitutes."

  Group therapy with other addicts works well, as does cognitive behavior therapy that teaches patients how to avoid and deal with situations that are likely to cause trouble, Eichel says.

  Of course, this may not always be the case, (psychologist Eli Coleman calls "sexual addiction" "a trendy overused term"), but who am I to judge?

  Only if I knew for a fact that they were acting sexually irresponsibly, possibly endangering their mate with HIV or other sexually transmitted disease. Otherwise, it is not my place to interfere.

  That sounds pretty reasonable.
• 

  simplesally

  I would not think you are cheating if you are not in a sexual relationship with your SO or spouse. Some people live together for different reasons. I live with my ex because we have a daughter who is so little and because he loses his job so often. (which is one of the reasons we are divorced) If I didn't let him live in my house, he'd be in another state and unable to see our daughter and not pay the little child support that he does pay.
• 

  sens

  Just because I am no longer acting as a JW, does not mean I now consider 'anything goes' ok

  Yer ...Im still like this after leaving the org