My JW niece is getting married ... typical JW drama

by wannabefree 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • wannabefree

    We received an invitation in the mail yesterday for my JW niece's wedding.

    I am posting this just to add for any lurkers to see typical JW practices.

    1st - and perfectly understandable for anybody who is or was a JW. I'm not invited. :) Hey, I'm really not complaining about that. Our families were close when I was in, but I understand ... after all, I was an elder at one time, I know how these things work. Still, it's pretty bad manners. My wife is fully in and of course is invited (it's her brother's daughter that is getting married - - after the typical very short dating period of a young couple). Attending the wedding will require a modest bit of travel and expense. I'm not disfellowshipped. These family members have no problem visiting with me when we do cross paths ... Just another one of many invites that I, the uninvited inactive JW, will be expected to fund but not attend. ;)

    2nd - and this is really the one that gets me - how my daughter is treated - this daughter of mine is no longer a believer but was never baptized. Fortunately I woke up during the period that I was encouraging her to get baptized and changed from coaxing her towards baptism to encouraging her to make sure of things. Do her own research. After all, JW's are to "make the truth their own" ... right?

    My daughter and her bride to be cousin grew up very close, best friends.

    A couple of months ago my daughter was invited to spend a day out of town with the cousin and her mother to shop for a wedding dress and bride's maid dresses. I was surprised by this when she told me and we both thought it was odd, but she was very happy to have been included because they had been so close and during their younger years they often talked about their wedding plans.

    My daughter returns from the two day shopping trip and tells me what a good time she had with her cousin and aunt and that she was going to be the maid of honor and ordered her dress.

    Again, I was surprised by this, knowing the family and knowing how weddings are micromanaged by the elders. (I had already gone through a Kingdom Hall wedding with another of my daughters ... another story.) My dear daughter told me that the wedding was not going to be held at a Kingdom Hall but would be on a beach on an island and her cousin wanted her to be her maid of honor ... it's what they had always planned. Well, this eliminated the Kingdom Hall problem and JW's can have some latitude if they aren't asking to get married there. However, she told me that an elder would be performing the wedding. I asked if this was already approved because I can't see an elder performing a wedding where non-JW's are part of the wedding party. She said that her aunt and cousin spoke as though all was well.

    A month later she gets the phone call. Her cousin notifies her that she can't be in the wedding. Apparently they hadn't gotten the approval to include my daughter in the wedding party and the elder said no. Also, the groom's family refuses to be a part of the wedding if my daughter is included. Breaks my heart, but I wasn't surprised. My daughter, while hurt, wasn't completely surprised. BUT, they still want her to be at the wedding and offered to reimburse her for the maid of honor dress (which she declined) ... and, she can't bring her boyfriend to the wedding. The cousin wants my daughter to still be there at her side throughout the day, getting their hair done together ... although I cautioned my daughter to not be surprised if this changes too.

    She loves her cousin and still plans to attend the wedding and wear the dress.

    Yeah, it's a cult.

  • Vanderhoven7

    Surprised that she would wear the dress if others in the wedding party have identical attire. It would speak boldly of her rejection not being up there with the other maids. So I hope her dress is unique.

  • pale.emperor

    F**k me, you and your daughter must really love them. I would be livid. What a horrible, micro-managing cult. It's not even at a KH and the elders still have to take full control. Where's the love of neighbor here?

  • wannabefree

    Vanderhoven ... I was surprised but admire her courage to stand out. The dress is slightly different than the other bride's maid dresses.

    Pale.Emperor .. I'm livid about it. My daughter hates what the religion does to control people, but loves her cousin. My first thought, if it were me, I told my daughter ... would be to explain how controlling and unreasonable this was for the organization to come between them and decline the invitation ... but she still wants to be there for her cousin.

  • jp1692

    That is just so messed up on so many levels.

    Your daughter is a very forgiving person. Her JW family should be ashamed of how they are mistreating her.

  • ToesUp

    Wow...the JW love! Gotta love it.

    Your daughter is a better person than I could be.

  • Diogenesister
    Vandy Surprised that she would wear the dress if others in the wedding party have identical attire. It would speak boldly of her rejection not being up there with the other maids. So I hope her dress is unique.
    Wannabefree I was surprised but admire her courage to stand out. The dress is slightly different than the other bride's maid dresses.

    Bridesmaid dresses are often of a similar or the same colour and material but slightly different design - commonly around the neckline. For example there may be some halter neck, some round neck, some strap-less etc This has the benefit of looking elegantly co-ordinated yet individual and unique - especially as people are different shapes and surprises so each style is chosen to flatter the particular wearer.

    I think your daughter sounds both very loving and brave as non-JW guests may pick up on the similarity and, if they know the girls are close, will guess the religion is at the bottom of the unpleasant situation.

    It will remind everyone how petty and micro-managing Watchtower is. And why your daughter sensibly didn't get baptised.

  • sparrowdown

    Ugh! God, the politics of weddings. I hate weddings. I hate JW weddings more.

  • slimboyfat

    Sometimes I get the idea that JWs don't view this kind of behaviour as problematic. They think you are the problem because you are not a good JW as if it's you creating the difficulty for everyone else. And if you point out their behaviour is unkind they just feel righteous/persecuted/superior with no sense of shame.

  • zeb

    wedding. A public statement of most private intentions of two people who are in love.

    But sadly where too many others believe they have the right to walk all over the occasion and stuff the happy couple.

    If any elder was to start his little Hitler rant for me and mine I would tell him he cant attend! and go for a civil celebrant in a park!

    I wish the happy couple every happiness and I hope they spoil each other rotten.!!!

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