My Best Friends Still Love Me

by Piph 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Piph

  Wow, thanks so much, Alias. That was kind of exactly what I needed to hear.

  To answer your questions, we were outed two days before our wedding in October, had to relocate it at the last minute, and tell our parents why we had to relocate. x-( And ask his dad to give our wedding talk last minute. The person who told the elders on us is the other 'friend' of mine I had talked about in the first post of this thread...not my best friend. My best friend was much more supporting and was still my maid of honor, while the other one wouldn't even come to our wedding, even though she was supposed to be the other bridesmaid. She's also the one who told on Dan to the admins at JWZone while we were on our honeymoon, and that's why it closed down.

  We tried to lay really low after we got back from our honeymoon. I talked to my best friend on the phone once...tried to explain to her what was going on with me and my beliefs. I'd already talked to her about it before we were outed, and tried to explain more in depth after we were outed before the wedding. She was really understanding and accepting, and said she believed in me and that I should do what I needed to do to heal. When we got back from our honeymoon a week later, a note left from her said that she could not support my decision and she didn't agree with what I was doing...a totally different tone than before. She called me and we talked on the phone...I explained to her that I didn't hate JW's, and I didn't want to try to get her to change her religion if she didn't want to. I told her that if she was sincerely happy being a JW, I totally supported that and respected her for that...as long as she's truly happy. I believe that everyone should do what they feel is best for themselves, and that's a belief I've always shared with her, so I reminded her of that. She seemed really suprised at everything I said. I'm sure people had been telling her all sorts of "horrible" things while we were away about what "evil apostates" that we must have turned into do. So that, plus the time I ran into her while playing pool, are the last I've seen or heard from her. And she still has my favorite sweater. :(

  Anyway, we tried to lay low, and only associated with my parents. We never tried to contact anyone else. But the elders kept calling and calling us...Dan kept meeting with them and talking to them...he's brave...and they decided he was apostate, but insisted on seeing me. I just couldn't do it. I was really terrified. The elder in charge was one that had really hurt me emotionally a few times a couple of years ago, and I was downright traumatized already. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone, nothing. So they were going to disfellowship us, so Dan gave them a letter requesting a baptism nullification instead. That was the beginning of November I think.

  So we didn't hear anything from anyone for two months. Nothing. We went out to dinner a couple of times with my parents, I emailed jokes back and forth with my mom...it's all cool.

  So we get a phone call this afternoon...apparently they had been waiting for the CO visit, which was last week, and they decided they were going to announce this week that we're disassociating ourselves. Which we specifically said in the letter we did NOT want to do. We were pretty pissed. Today Dan sent a letter out to NY and to the local body stating to DA us would be slander, because we had said in writing we do not want to be DA'd. So what it comes to is that after some time we'll be DF'd instead of DA'd. Blah. Which at least sounds better (from a Witness standpoint...we really do care what our friends and family think of us).

  So we went over to some ex-witness' house this evening and got drunk with them. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

  Thanks for listening you guys. It's been one helluva ride. :(

  ...and with this post, I am now a senior member. :D Yay!
• 

  Azalo

  I haven't posted or kept up on this board regularly in a while but I saw this thread and a few of the other ones about you and your husbands story and it is pretty amazing. I dont really have any advice but it seems like your parents are cool so things will become less and less awkward, they will still try to preach to you from time to time but as long as there is mutual respect it wont be a big deal. That is how it is with my parents. It feels pretty weird the first few months but eventually as you start to have a "regular" life, your JW life will become like a distant memory that you look back and laugh about it. My favorite threads on this board are like JW urban legends, Assembly stories, JW sayings, etc. because when you remove yourself enough from that life and disinstitutionalize yourself you see things completely differently. I would definetely reccommend going to college, I learned more at the U of Oregon than I ever learned in a JW meeting. Anyways I'm rambling but I wanted to post because your story just struck a chord with me. BTW I've lost touch with pretty much all my friends whom I grew up with mostly because I moved around so much since I left home, one didnt really want to talk with me (I could just tell) but the two that meant the most to me, although we dont talk every week by any means, if I ever feel the need to talk to them or need anything from there I know that they are there for me so it will probably be like that with your friend.
• 

  alias

  Wow, piph. Thanks for taking the time to type all of that out. You and Euph have really been through a lot over the last few months. Too bad things didn't stay smooth until after your honeymoon. I'm glad yours and his parents came through like they did to have the wedding. And I'm glad yours seem cool about it. My heart aches everytime I see long-time relationships affected and severed over JWism. Especially with those we never would imagined doing without. Yes, I agree, you have to do what you have to do. Right now is such a raw time. Congrats on your Senior member status. I still have yet to reach Junior. It's taken a good long time. :) alias
• 

  Piph

  Thank you both so much. :-)

  I think I'll be walking on eggshells until it happens...but I'm in a better place emotionally than I ever have been before. I feel better equipped to handle it; I've been working on my own brand of spirituality and it seems to really be working for me so far. It's tending to give me the peace of mind to stay present in my own mind instead of being blown here and about by other people's emotions. That's definitely a plus!! ;-)

  Thanks again, for listening, and for your support. It really meant a lot. :-)
• 

  Sassy

  ahhh Piph.. I didn't know about the latest knews for you and Euph. I kind of wondered what they would do. I think they don't want to let anyone find a loophole.. they can't just let us leave quietly you know.. there must be discipline of some sort..

  sad.. I really don't know if I have to pick with I prefer DF or DA? Either is an action THEY create by their belief system and I do not feel we should have to 'fit' into one of their 'square pegs'.

  I'm sorry you are going through this..

  Don't forget.. when you come through this way we are sharing some good times.. and good beverages (and food too).. you have friends here!
• 

  Jesika

  ((((((((((((((((Piph))))))))))))))))))

  I just wanted to tell you that you are a strong person and you and your hubby handled this situation very well. It is not easy to have to let go of those who mean so much to us due to this cult.

  Just as it took us a "certain something" to want "out", maybe in time.......those that we care about will maybe find their own "certain something" someday that would lead them "out" as well.

  Although it is a possiblity, we shouldn't spend alot or all of our time consumed with the dream or possible reality of it happening.

  I wrote a letter to my best friend a while back........we were close as sisters too and I hadn't spoken to her in 12+ yrs. I wrote the letter to let her know I still love her and think about her, and no matter what if she ever needed me I am still here for her.

  I wrote the letter to her........but I did it for myself too. I did it to let her know I am still thinking of her, and that I still love her.

  I didn't think she would call me up with open arms, or even write back, but I did write it and it made me feel better..........cause I did all I could do to reach out to her.

  Sometimes that is all we can do..........let them know we still care and we are here if they need us...........with the exception of course being that they are not simply using us.....that is not healthy.

  I wish you and yours well,

  Love,

  Jes
• 

  Piph

  (((((Sassy))))) ((((((Jesika))))))

  Thanks so much to both of you! :-) Sassy, we're definitely finding a lot of comfort in our ex-JW friends...even the ones in town have been wonderful and very loving and supportive. I can't wait til we can share that with you IRL. :-)

  Jesika, that meant so much to me, that you shared your experiences with me. Thanks so much...I feel a lot less alone now. It gives me a sense of peace knowing that you've gone through something so similar and to see where you are now. I know it will get easier in time.

  Thanks again, to both of you. <3 <3 <3
• 

  xenawarrior

  ((((((((((((Piph)))))))))) & (((((((((((Sassy))))))))))))
• 

  doodle-v

  (((((Piph)))))

  I just wanted to say congratulations on your newfound freedom. I know its tough as many of us are going through similar situations. We are here to offer our support. I think its wonderful that you have such a wonderful husband like dan and you two can support each other and be true to yourselves and each other. Savage and I hope we can see you two in March.

  Hang in there, girl

  Love Doodle-V
• 

  Piph

  Thanks for the hugs, Xena and Doodle! :D (((((hugs)))))

  I am SO hoping we can make it! :-) Thank you so much for your words of support.

  BTW, We haven't heard anything from anyone yet. Still holding my breath...