Fornication......*blushing*

by d0rkyd00d 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kent
    Kent

    Hi There!
    Well, what should I say. Sex before marriage is OK - provided you agree to have sex because you want to have sex - not because your partner wants to.

    As long as you feel like it, and both of you wants to, it's OK. As a matter of fact, the Bible don't even say you can't. Sex before marriage is mentioned 3 times in the Bible, and the "punishment" was that the guy had to marry the girl if caught.

    But remember to protect yourself! One thing is getting pregnant. You won't die (probably) of that. But getting HIV might kill you.

    Kent

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Dood,
    I think it great that you are even thinking in these terms. It shows me that you have a sense of responsibility.
    IMO, most of what was stated here already is very true. And I totally agree with Comf, if your little voice is saying don't then don't.
    I have found that sex is only great in a caring comitted relationship. The tricky thing is finding two people who feel the same way about each other. That takes a certain amount of maturity. You will find that your needs and wants now, are totally different down the road. Someone said

    Just beacuse the WT is full of crap,doesn`t mean that
    all there teaching is absolutely wrong

    That would be true in this area. Someone also said,

    it doesn't hurt to wait. go dance, kiss hold hands and date. be a kid and enjoy it!!! just don't try to grow up to soon

    Good advice. Don't let the pressure of other kid's attitudes make you do something you will regret. It is O.K. to just have fun and enjoy getting to know a variety of other's without feeling like you must have sex, because everyone else is.
    Be patient my friend. When you are truly ready you will know it. Don't settle for less. Along your journey, really figure out what it is that you want out of life and search for someone who fits in with those wants and needs. It sounds complicated but as you mature it really isn't.
    If at some point you feel you have found someone that fits all your criteria and they feel you fit their's then, I see nothing wrong with experimentation. Just make sure it isn't just a physical attraction. You need to love their soul and they need to love yours before the sex is absolutely dynamite.
    And if and when you do decide to go ahead, whatever the circumstances, be responsible. Use protection. Try not to fall into a heat of the moment thing just for the sake of passion!!!
    Good luck, and thanks for asking. I for one am proud of you!
    TW

  • d0rkyd00d
    d0rkyd00d

    Thank you for all of your replies. I really appreciate the opinions and your viewpoints on the matter. Let me clarify some things, though. First of all, when i tell myself it would be bad to have sex before marriage, it is because i think Jehovah will destroy me at Armageddon, which i know ain't gonna happen. I definitely agree with all of you about only having it with somebody i truly care about and have a long term relationship with. I'm not gonna be like some guys that go looking for one-night stands every night. However; many people do not realize times are changing.

    As the watchtower (bleh!) points out, many young people feel severe "guilt" after having sex before marriage. Let me pose a question: Could this be due in part to the fact that for so long it has been looked down upon by society in general? Times are changing. People know it's going on, and the age it's going on at is getting earlier and earlier. Unfortunate? Yes, some think this is so. But as people become more open to the fact it's happening, i think people will feel less guilty about it if they feel they are ready to do it. Just some more stuff to keep this post alive. :)

    "No cool quote yet. But i'll think of one soon."

  • sf
    sf

    I say dream of caliFORNICATION!

    sKally (southern cal klass )

  • randawg
    randawg

    hey dork sex can be great,one sided,roll of the dice(healthwise),adventurous,funny,risky,the appetite alone can cunsume you, at your age sometimes your judgement is out the window in the heat of the moment.more than likley you will have a couple of partners along they way before you marry, sex effects everyone diffently because when were not in a serious relationship with that partner at the time it becomes that roll of the dice. Deep emotions are touched forever her first your first ect... the way the world portrays it other peers saying they've done "IT". and seeing mtv genxers this has all desensitized it, the one thing you should be aware of is sex always comes with luggage. You are responsible for your OWN actions, I give you credit for talking about this. Try talking with a parent you might be surprised. Or if you think your parents are out of touch try a teacher/mentor. Self gratification isnt a damning act and God won't punish you. Not that i'm promoting this LOL Seriosly you sound like your heads on straight you'll be fine

  • Francois
    Francois

    There is a very large danger in making what you feel is a hard and fast decision about not having sex, and thus taking adequate and wise precautions. I know because I was there. And even though I'll be telling on myself, I'm going to since real life experiences can't be denied and I feel you will benefit from your honest question.

    I was a JW when the hormones hit and started racing around my bloodstream at very nearly the speed of light.

    My girlfriend was experiencing the same phenomena.

    However, as a sincere JW, I was determined not to, um, grouse in the goody until I was married. Since that was my full intention, there was no need to make any sort of preparations for our dates. We weren't going to need any condoms because we weren't going to have sex before marriage. End of discussion.

    It's amazing how different things look based on where you are. In the Kingdom Hall it's easy to be determined not to have sex until you're married. It's an entirely different matter when you find yourself alone with your main squeeze.

    And that's what happened to us. We found ourselves alone quite a bit. Since her father was one of those fire-breathing, inflexible, evil-eyed types who would have had a stroke if he'd caught us having a little innocent kiss in the living room, we made it our business to be alone so as to just do what was normal. And a little kissing is OK.

    So there we found ourselves alone, no protection, and hotter than the proverbial firecracker - one thing having led inexorably to another. And we didn't have any protection because we believed in our cool determination to reject sexuality until we were married. Good intentions don't hold a candle to doing what comes naturally. And I'm sure you're aware that the urge to procreate is second only to the urge for self-preservation. So we did what comes naturally. And it blew up in our faces. And it still hurts these forty years later.

    If I could go back and live that part of my life again, I would have purchased a package of a half-dozen condoms and would have taken them with us every time we went on a date, or expected to be alone. We had too much faith in our ability to live up to our ideals. Ideals are a great thing, but they don't hold a candle to answering the call of nature.

    Be smart. Have your condoms with you always. If you can live up to your ideals you won't need them anyway. If you can't live up to your ideals, you will have shown wisdom and forethought and may avoid a world of hurt and pain that could last for years - maybe for the rest of your life.

    Best of Luck to You
    Francois

  • waiting
    waiting

    hey dood,

    First of all, when i tell myself it would be bad to have sex before marriage, it is because i think Jehovah will destroy me at Armageddon,

    That's the "bible trained conscience" which has also been trained by the WTBTS. We all had one, then when we left, we had to remake our own consciences based on what we wanted, or wanted to believe.

    I had one therapist who saw many children in her practice. She was a firm believer in sex before marriage, even living together. Her reason was that then young persons could make up their minds before marriage/divorce.

    My virgin daughter married at 19, divorced at 21. My middle son went to college, and was quite *active*. My younger virgin son married at 18, divorced at 20. All three now live with persons they care for, with various plans for the future which may/may not address marriage.

    Is sex before marriage wrong? I don't know. But feelings should be involved, imo. And those same feelings need to be cared for - along with safety measures. Take care.

    waiting

  • jurs
    jurs

    hi dork,
    its too bad that the watchtower drills so much fear of being destoyed into our heads. i believe that Jehovah is a God of love. just a suggestion, perhaps you should quit worring about all the rules the society dishes out and use some of your own common sense. the bible does make it clear that fornication is wrong. you also know the dangers of unprotected sex and possible unexpected responsibilities. it seems to me like you know you should wait . perhaps the bible makes it clear that fornication is wrong is because Jehovah also has common sense. i don't believe Jehovah hovers over people waiting for them to screw up so he can destroy them....jurs

  • hybridous
    hybridous

    Hey, d00d. I'm not too much older than you, so let me tell you about my scare. I had been seeing (exclusively) this certain girl for a few years. We had been thinking (and still do think) that we have a possible future together = marriage.

    Well, it seems that her cycle was a bit late one month. Nothing to worry about, right? We'll wait it out. Day after day...nothing...Nothing...NOTHING. After two weeks we were pretty much convinced that she was pregnant. We cried together in her room. My whole life flashed before my eyes. We weren't ready to be parents, and an abortion was out of the question. She was in college...I was in college...what am I going to tell my parents...how will I face HER parents...they like me so much...there's so much I wanted to do with my life before kids...and so on...

    I tell you...I was absolutely SICK. You, my friend, do not EVER want to feel like I did those few days. When your woman announces that she's pregnant, it should be a happy occasion for all involved. It shouldn't be a cross to bear as you sorrily inform your/her parents of your misdeed. I was almost ready to bite the bullet and take her to the doctor for confirmation...when her 'visitor' FINALLY showed up. OVER TWO WEEKS LATE!! My life was handed back to me - and I vowed to never again put us in that position.

    Since that scare, we've decided to avoid sex until marriage (aw, hell...maybe engagement...how much can a guy take?!), and we've kept our promise intact. Two years later and we're still going strong!! It's not a hard promise to keep because I remind myself of our situation...we're broke and can't afford kids.

    My advice is to wait to do the deed. Get your life in order first, and have fun while you finish growing up. Don't rush things - they won't turn out right.

  • slipnslidemaster
    slipnslidemaster

    hybridous, what a well written and lucent comment.

    I have been in that situation, counting the days until the vistor comes and then breathing a HUGH sigh of relief too many times. It's not something that I really want to do again and that is why I'm considering getting fixed.

    Dorky, trust me you don't want to have THAT conversation. I think that hybridous got lucky with his woman, but in some of my cases, it changes the relationship for the worse.

    Slipnslidemaster: Doin' the humpty hump...just doin' the humpty hump...

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