Dreading the memorial

by Isambard Crater 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    I think my family pretty much know I'm not going to go back, even though I'm still officially baptized on paper.

    The reason it has this mental, emotional and physical effect on me is because, looking back, being raised a JW messed me up big style and being back at a Kingdom Hall is a big trigger.

    But I guess I do it because I can't live with the feelings my elderly parents' health has slid downhill because of me exiting the JWs.

  • Biahi

    My mom tells me to go each year, but when I tell her that I will partake of the emblems, she drops it.

  • Foolednomore

    Why go to a dinner party where you have to watch others eat and drink or food is just passed around but not eaten?

  • LongHairGal


    I always felt this way too at the memorial. I deliberately do not capitalize the word.

    I can’t tell you how many times I felt it was a total waste to be sitting there and I’m Glad I don’t anymore! To me it was just an occasion to get dressed up and see Witnesses’ ‘worldly’ relatives who were dragged or bribed to be there and certain other people that came only once a year. 🤣

  • careful

    Of course it's been years since I was active, but I always enjoyed the Mem. because all kinds of interesting people came: non-believing family members, old-timers, various often quite fascinating inactive ones, visiting/non-local single sisters who were husband hunting (often getting desperate), newbies who were in that dizzy state they were frequently in. It was a sort of circus if one could step out of the prescribed "serious" nature of the occasion.

    I thought it was great fun to watch newbies react to the bread and the wine being passed and nobody partaking. It was really funny when someone would munch and take a belt, especially a good one, of the wine, and then watch the elders' reactions! I would often seek out the newbies and non-believing family members afterward and ask for their impressions. Sometimes it was quite telling. Then you could go out to a restaurant afterward and let them see the local Witness community with their hair down, the opposite of the Mem. itself.

    Gabbing with the old-timers was fun too. Some knew the Judge or went back to the old days. They were often gruff. I remember one old sister who was unhealthy but made it to the Mem. each year. Since she was hard of hearing, she would speak real loudly. After the meeting was over, she was speaking of her active son's bad marriage and said, "Yeah I told him, so you wanted to screw around and now you're paying the price!" This was almost a shout, so the whole congregation heard it, even over all the small talk. A KH-wide hush followed. The sister was so old and respected that no elder would dare counsel her. I just laughed inside and thought, "Only at the Memorial!"

    To me the Memorial was great fun—if you didn't take the org's perspective of it too seriously.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    I always felt too that memorial was a big 'people pleasing event'.

  • HiddlesWife

    Meetings (especially IN PERSON) for most can be a LARGE SOURCE OF ANXIETY. It's not so much due to DOCTRINES believed by the followers of this cultporation; it's more than likely in most cases the ARROGANT/ SMUG/CONCEITED/NARCISSISTIC ATTITUDES displayed/shown by the STEPFORDIZED followers in this organization. THIS, in addition to and for many other viable reasons, I woke up, discovered TTATT, and left this cultporation---FOR GOOD! 👏🏽

  • LongHairGal


    You are certainly right about the meetings being a source of anxiety - because of the attitudes of the people there. You were being sized up for whatever reason: how you looked, how you dressed, etc.

    I didn’t realize how true this was until I stopped going. When I began my ‘Fade’ and stayed home on meeting nights, I soon rediscovered the peace I had many years before I came into the JW religion. What a wonderful feeling it was. I realize what happened was a gradual process that people got used to without realizing what was happening!.. But, this is all in the past and I am wiser to this and I’m sure other people feel similarly!

    Never again!

  • enoughisenough

    I had a friend and we played what we dubbed WSA ( wicked scenario alert ) game. In this game we just talked about let's say a revenge we would take if we didn't know it to be a bad idea. So here is a WSA for you all: we all go to the local memorial and partake. They would have a record high attendance and there would be plenty for the R and F to talk about: all of those anointed partakers ( of course they would say we were mentally ill, or on drugs, but it would give them something to talk about!) Can't you picture it! What a hoot!...but a WSA!

  • BoogerMan

    Hi Isambard Crater, if/when you decide to fade, consider these options for dealing with 'inquisitive' elders and other JW's :

    "Thank you for your concerns, but I have private & personal issues which I can't discuss with anyone at the moment - except in prayer to JEHOVAH - but I certainly appreciate your motives and concern. If things change, I will call you."

    Elders' Conversation Stoppers:

    "We only want to come and give you encouragement."

    Simply repeat the response above - especially the phrase, "private & personal"!

    "But how can we help you if you won't talk to us?"

    "Everyone has private & personal situations which they can't discuss with others, and I'm sure that includes the elders - I'm no different!"

    "Are you refusing to talk with us?"

    "No, I just don't want to discuss things right now. I'll call you if things change."

    The elders can't punish someone who chooses not to discuss personal issues, so never prolong an interrogation - just say 'thanks' and walk away.

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