I need to know more on why its a problem for me dating a JW girl.

by seekinghelpp 30 Replies latest social relationships

  • joe134cd

    I was in the religion for just under 40 years and my advise to you would be run to the hills and don't look back. That been said one way to find out how strong the relationship is,based on open and honest communication, would be to sit down with her and discuss an article from jw facts. If you get the mentally diseased apostate response then there isn't much hope. Sorry it's just how it is

  • seekinghelpp

    Incognito - I see what you say. And I don't know if I put it the topic. I did talk to her about it, when things between me and her spice up, we had times her mom would find out and always bring up religion and she told me it's hard and all. We've talked much about it and I was interested in her religion. but every time I want to talk about her religion and outcomes that can happen, she will stop me and tell me not to talk. Part of her really wants to be with me with every intention the other part that's holding her back in my opinion is her mom but the most concern is the religion. It truly does suck.

  • wallsofjericho

    jws are good ppl and its not a "filfthy cult" like the kingston order or hale bop but having said that, it is a cult mindset with plenty of double think and cult speak

    her beliefs will ALWAYS trump yours. you WILL sacrifice your wants for hers

    kids will be taught at the kingdom hall that tou will due at armageddon along with your family for not being JWs

    jws will be SUPER nice to you, and some will genuinely like you, but it will be limited to "encouraging" you to become a JW

    one thing that is rarely discussed here is the intimacey between husband and wife that comes from sharing goals, talking openly about where we are and where we are going, being philisophical with each other, learning to be happy together as a team. this is virtually if not completely impossible when one mate is a jw. the answer to every question or inquiry will always be a prepared paraphrase of watchtower rhetoric. she wont go "deep" with you or share innermost thoughts because she will suppress those thoughts or not have them at all because jws allow the watchtower/GB to do the thinking for them.

    jw "happiness" comes solely from dutifully completing their GB sanctioned routine each week, a routine you wont share or want.

    it will be very difficult to be deeply happy in your relationship unless you become a jw with her. but then you get all the baggage that comes with that and cutting out your own familiy

    good luck my friend,

  • whathehadas

    No Bueno man. The love you have for her is NOT strong enough to separate her from her religion and family. What makes it worse, is that she is part of a cult, and you will be fighting with her conscious and subconscious mind in the beliefs. Unless you want to give up your freedom and join.....better run for the hills like the one post said. There are plenty of women that are not in cults. Look for them and stay away from women in cults, unless they willfully leave.

  • dubstepped

    Dude, even if she picks you the cult has influenced everything about her. The way she sees life, other people, opportunities, sex, love, everything has a cult influence. Run. Many have been out for years of their own volition and still struggle with remnants of cult brainwashing. Sorry man, but if you keep trying here I predict lots of confusion and heartache. If nothing else, so long as she has family in the cult, there will be drama.

  • Incognito

    Cult members are in a constant state of conflict as the beliefs taught mess with their heads. Most on this board are ex-JWs and have first hand experience which is why it would be smart for you to pay attention to the advice provided even as it is not what you want to hear.

    This girl maybe able to give in to her desire to have you as a boyfriend now, but the religion's teachings will at some point overwhelm her and will create much confusion, family conflict and guilt and so will create drama in your relationship. Major life events (marriage, birth of a child, loss of a loved one) and world disasters will often be a trigger to more closely follow the teachings, often in an obsessive manner. She will push for you to become a JW in an attempt to make things right with Jehovah.

    While you may think you can eventually get her to leave the religion, unless leaving is fully her idea, there is high likelihood that the teachings will always remain with her and she will return to it, with or without you.

  • OnTheWayOut
    I'm here to find a real reason why i can't be with my girl without a problem, without her mom not wanting me to be with her cause of me religion or her being scared to be kicked out her religion.

    Her mom won't want you to drag her out of the religion and subject her to being destroyed at Armageddon any day now.

    She will not necessarily be kicked out of the religion, but she will be made to feel bad about going against "Jehovah's" doctrine of marrying "only in the lord." If she confesses to premarital sex, she is subject to discipline up to being kicked out. If she celebrates a birthday or holiday, the same. If she manages to not tell them about these things, she will feel guilty. Basically, she will feel bad unless she comes to terms on her own with the thought that Jehovah's Witnesses are a dangerous mind control cult.

    Even after all that, you might have kids. She won't want them being anything but JW's. She won't want them celebrating anyone's birthday or any holidays. She will want them to actually fear sharing birthday cupcakes at school when someone's mom brings them in. She will want them at all the meetings, not to have life-saving blood in a medical emergency, not to participate in school sports, not to go to college.

  • seekinghelpp

    Again thank you for the replies and yes I do understand most are ex JW and I will be taking advice. I just wanted more depth into it because again it's just so weird to me. I also didn't add that she is young. 17/18 to be exact. yes I know it's young and it's crazy talk but still ? I will be having another talk with her about religion and what outcomes could accur. I will use many of these as examples and just would love for her to read about how people that were in her religion turned away cause of many reasons. I hope for her to understand but that will be a struggle and yes I would have to accost the fact that if it turns out bad, it would be better to leave instead of causing problems in her life because in mine there's no problem but being with her rn. But thank you very much. Also how would you guys say I should approach her about it ? Or let it be as it is and not mention ?

  • Giordano
    Also how would you guys say I should approach her about it ? Or let it be as it is and not mention ?

    I would suggest that your relationship should be about you and her. Your conversation the same thing. If she has to defend her beliefs it will destroy any confidence and affection she has for you. The same if you press her for sex.

    You could say that you looked into her religion and have decided that you couldn't in good conscience become a JW. You understand that she was born into it as were you as a Catholic. Most believers accept the religion they were born into.

    Ask her if she would consider marrying a non believer....keeping ones religious beliefs separate? If she says absolutely not.....you have your answer.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    The problem is, you'll be dating 7 old men in New York, by proxy. Faithful JW women are too busy with "theocratic activities" and too concerned about the bad association that will come from their non-JW husbands, to have a truly meaningful and truly intimate relationship with their non-JW husbands.

    JWs is not a religion. JWs is a state of mind. JWs is a culture. JWs is a cult. Want to know the difference between a religion and a cult? A religion is something that you have. A cult is something that has you! Watchtower has the JWs - like puppets on a string. If you want to marry a puppet, go right ahead. Don't say we didn't warn you.

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