Wow, six, even though she was not your "favorite person at the time", it sounds to me as though you really cared for her, and that the elders hurting her really hurt you too. I'm sorry to pry, but the statement "The elders won't be hurting her anymore" really worries me, did something happen to her? "She also wanted them to try and stop her, she wanted them to understand how she got to that point, she wanted them to try and understand, she wanted them to care." I've seen this many times, and it always seems that the elders do not abide by the saying "to sin is human, to forgive is divine" (or something like that, my memory is not what it used to be)
To those who were DFd
by stillajwexelder 53 Replies latest jw friends
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Lady Lee
shocked Totally shocked I almost passed out from the shock
Naively I thought they would see a victim who was in desperate need of help.
Instead I got a cover-up and the boot.
So I took my suicidal thoughs and left really believing that I was a terrible sinner - too terrible for God to love
DFing and the shunning that goes with it has to be the worst betrayal imaginable.
Personally I thought it was worse that being raped. The rape was easy in comparison
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simplesally
I was embarassed, ashamed and shocked. I could not believe that it had happened, I had explained the "whys" and "whats" .... I had said I was sorry to Jehovah, to them, to the congregation. But there were some very hard hearts listening and shaming me with their eyes. Even one who said that looking at the elders was the same as looking at the face of Jehovah. Even though that one presumptuous comment made me look askance at the elder, I was still so sad. I remember falling on my knees on the front lawn sobbing.
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Xandria
Sis,
I remember the reaction you had w/ mom's d/f announcement. The shock and horror you discussed with us hurt me too. Then I got to see it in action ~ the whole shunning issue. Remember Autumn ?
The whole "tainted" because you have a d/f person in your house hold issue came up too. Mom was shackled into this belief system~ it was a viscious cycle. Even though it was not us D/f it still affected us as if we were. I was angry, hurt, and relieved all at once.
X.
Six~ I would love to hear the punchline... I am glad she heard it~ at least she is living her life regardless. Where as I think my mom got the "light" on ..but it was too late to look around the vibrant museum of life.
X.
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maybesbabies
Yes, Xan, I remember the feeling that we were somehow "less than" everyone else, because our mother was df'd. the congregation felt that we were somehow "tainted" because our mother had been df'd. To be honest, I didn't give a sh*t what the congregation thought, it just irked me that my mother had been df'd without anyone even trying to help her. She died thinking that Jehovah didn't love her because of this stupid organization!!!! Yes, I was shocked and stunned, because I thought that the organization had more Christian love than that, and at that time truly thought that they would be forgiving and kind. Little did I know!!!!!
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noidea
I received a call from the PO of the last cong. that I went to and they wanted to meet with me. I told him that I had no need to meet with them. He then put me on speaker phone where the committee meeting was now in session. (yep they will do it over the phone) They asked if it was true my then soon to be x-husband would have a scriptural divorce. I said yes. Then they asked if I was still engaging in wrongdoing. I said it wasn't any of their business what I was doing. They wanted some details. Again, I said it was none of their business. I told them I knew how the game was played and to do what they needed to do. They said I was defiling the cong. I said funny how I could do the since I hadn't even been there in 2 years. Anyway, they said they would call back with their decision. I said don't bother..15 minutes later they called back and said I would be DF'ed the following week unless I wanted to write a letter to appeal it. I told them not to bother checking the mail and hung up. When I put the phone down I realized I never felt so relieved that all the pressure of it was over. There is family that I lost over it but it boils down to it being their choice. No more looking over my shoulder. No more feeling that I was still tied to something I no longer wanted to be tied to. Free to be me. I guess I was ready for it to be over and it was done on my terms. I know that many don't have that choice ((((to all that have and will be hurt)))) Only thing I have to say is ..if you know it's going to happen..DO IT ON YOUR OWN TERMS!!!
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Xandria
Yes, Xan, I remember the feeling that we were somehow "less than" everyone else, because our mother was df'd. the congregation felt that we were somehow "tainted" because our mother had been df'd. To be honest, I didn't give a sh*t what the congregation thought, it just irked me that my mother had been df'd without anyone even trying to help her. She died thinking that Jehovah didn't love her because of this stupid organization!!!! Yes, I was shocked and stunned, because I thought that the organization had more Christian love than that, and at that time truly thought that they would be forgiving and kind. Little did I know!!!!!
Little did we all knew. An yes, she was shackled in the belief ran by men who could at a drop of a hat decide and interpret for GOD. Maybe's they came down and "counseled" with her with Dad sitting as a "Headship" in the session. I remember ~ because this was after the time mom had attempted to get counseling ( which was sabatoged) and she was trying to get help because she was tired of living as she was~ this was at the house on Gilbert St. Dad changed the focus from him and the problems they were having to her smoking. This is how it began...
You have a PM. my dear.
Love,
X.
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Gadget
There are plenty here who were shocked/upset about being df'd, the same as I was. The hardest bit for me was telling my family and nest friend that I was going to be df'd. They hadn't even known I was in any trouble with the elders. How did you do this?
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Cygnus
I was DF'd for associating with a DF'd person so I brought my DF'd friend with me to the judicial hearing at the Kingdom Hall as witness to testify that under no circumstances has he ever associated with me.
The elders didn't think it was funny,
I left by reading a Proverb that said something to the effect of "a friend standing with you is better than brothers."
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arancia
I was not df`s but one member of my family was.She was df innocentely,how you may ask,can be?the story is long and painfull. How can symple man,without experinces,ignorant as far as not knowing what they were doing to a human been,with a unhuman attitude ,arrogant,be in a position to judge?I ASK.She was reinstate,but I can immagine ,that sort of humiliation she went through,will never live her. My husband and I were very close to be dfs,but we di not gave them the time to act,we sack them,we walked out of that crazi situation with only few words.They knew the reason,but they asked for the confrontetion that they never have had.We new too much and they keep it quite. We freely got in and freely in time came out.