Do Ex-JW men really understand women?

by Mindchild 59 Replies latest jw friends

GentlyFeral

gadget,
But what if they are really cute when they're mad?

Tell us later, after you've made us laugh about something else. Honesty is essential, but don't be foolhardy, ok?
GentlyFeral
female too
GentlyFeral

OK, I answered these questions in a way that reflected the kind of woman I am or the way I'd like to be treated.
1. You met Wendy at a bar, at a bar mitzvah, in baggage claim, whatever, we don't care. The point is that the extremely hot Wendy is perhaps slightly out of your league, but not so far that you lack hope. Besides, in your best moments, you recall that Wendy seemed interested. Right now, Wendy is probably thinking . .
Oops, You answered: D About something other than you.

The women I'm attracted to have their own lives, goddammit, and would notice me in passing - the way I notice women who glitter on the street. "All right, how can I reorganize my workplace for maximum efficiency....WHOA! who was that?"
2. It's Saturday night, and you find yourself--gee, who'da thunk it?--in a loud, crowded bar. You spot a female you think might make a wonder- ful companion--for an evening, for a lifetime . . . who can say? The line most likely to get you in there is . . .
Oops, You answered: D No line, because lines aren't cool. ... If you answered D, you are definitely cool. You are also definitely taking off your own pants tonight. It's all about C: direct, sexy, confident. A girl who's in a bar on a Saturday night doesn't want to hear anything else.

I suppose this is why I do so badly in bars, especially dyke bars. It's just as much about looks there as in str8 bars. I do much better at pagan festivals, where a philosophical discussion sometimes ends in bed.
3. In your first extended private conversation, the best way to distinguish yourself as the man she wants is to...
Oops, You answered: Search for things you have in common that you can discuss. ... the search for common ground can be exhausting and repetitive. (Yep, empanadas. Yep, I like 'em, too. Chicken ones. Yep. Tennis. Love it. Great. Yep.)

But that's not what happens!!!! No!
She: "So what did you think of the Harry Potter movie?"
He: "I was disappointed. Reduced a complex character to a cardboard action hero."
She: "Oh, me too! All of a sudden, anything Harry wants is right. Completely tore the ethical heart out of the book..." et cetera.
This question was formulated by someone who has no idea of conversation!
4. The correct number of flowers to bring to a woman the first time you bring flowers is . . .
Correct! 5
The answer is C. One flower suggests you haven't had sex since your prom.

Oh, ick. But it does remind me of Dorothy Parker's immortal poem .
Five flowers advertises you as a man of restraint and taste -- polite, generous, but not overeager.

Exactly. Five or six.
6. It's time for the First Significant Gift for a Significant Woman. The most appropriate gift is...
Oops, You answered: New stereo speakers ($200 or so), because she really needs them... thoughtful but not sexy.

But, damn, if this is the stereotypical meat-market relationship, you've already done "sexy." "Thoughtful" is reassuring. But then, I thought a Cuisinart was the perfect anniversary gift. A really "significant gift" should show that CARE enough about her interests to find out what the best gift is, and find it for her. If she's into music, buy her the damn speakers.
7. You like to have sex doggy-style. She likes it, too, but nowhere near as much as you do. How many non- doggy-style encounters should occur before you request doggy-style again?
Oops, You answered: 2 The correct answer is 0
The answer is A [0], and yes, this is a trick question. What, pray tell, would you be doing requesting things in bed?

Oh, I dunno...treating her like an equal?
8. It's very obvious to you, not being blind or deaf, that your long-term (1 year plus) girlfriend has a crush on a male friend. You like this woman and don't feel like losing her to this bozo, who just happens to have a six-pack, a lot of money, and a great personality. Assuming you and your girlfriend have a good relationship, the strategy most likely to keep you in and Bozo out involves . . .
Oops, You answered: Letting your girlfriend know that you've noticed her little case of wandering eye and you'd prefer that she and Bozo weren't friends. The correct answer is Doing nothing.

"Doing nothing" actually has some points - especially if either of you is at all thin-skinned. There's a good chance that the crush may burn itself out. Or that you may discover that she's too superficial to be worth keeping.
Once again, honesty is best, because IT SHOWS RESPECT.
The impulse to make yourself over (B) is misguided--she's not dreaming of a new you; she's dreaming, as you sometimes do, of novelty.

Spot on, and...
Demanding fidelity, especially when the demand stems from insecurity, is the best way not to get it.

So don't demand fidelity. Request reassurance.
9. If x equals the number of men she told you she's slept with and y equals the actual number, then x/y is...
Oops, You answered: 1 (she told you the truth)

Look, if I'm willing to sleep with you outside of marriage, I'm certainly willing to tell you the truth about my other sex partners...
If the subject even comes up.
10. During a fight, your girlfriend launches an assault on your personality in a way that is both meticulously detailed and very loud. When it's your turn to speak, the absolute worst response you can give is . . .
Oops, You answered: "I'd be willing to accept the fact that I am the world's biggest jerk, but I really think that award might go to you. Let me tell you why. . . ." The correct answer is "I don't know what to say."

Crap. Limpness of spirit is irritating, but cruelty is unforgivable.
11. You've been dating a woman for 2 months. Assume that there is no one else and you want out because you're not into her anymore. The best reason you can give is...
Oops, You answered: "I don't think I'm capable of offering the kind of intimacy you deserve." The correct answer is "There's someone else."
Anyone who is dumped knows deep down that the reason why is always some simple variation on [I'm not as sexually attracted to you as I thought], which, unfortunately, is too cruel a thing to say.

Yes, it is cruel, but this isn't even true. I had a love affair die of intellectual boredom - but I still think she's hot. We're not together any more.
However, C and D are even crueler, because women, nursed on soap operas and The Quiet Storm, hear them as rays of poignant romantic hope.

Well, "not capable of the intimacy you deserve" covers more ground than "not sexually attracted." The way I put it to my ex-girlfriend was "I don't think we're a very good match after all, and I'm sorry."
Soap operas. Feh. I've always hated them!
"There's someone else" might be a lie, but it's also the only breakup language women seem to understand. Please learn to speak it.

More crap. All she wanted to know was, "Can I still think of you naked?"
12. You live in New York City and met Denise, who lives in St. Louis, at a wedding in Miami. You got drunk, went back to her hotel room, and took things from there. A month later, Denise is in New York and you have sex once more, but the thrill is gone. You tell her you think you'd be better as friends. Next thing you know, Denise is in New York for 3 months on business and sees you as her personal tour guide. You have an obligation to...
Oops, You answered: Sit Denise down and explain to her that you had a really great time at the wedding and you're sorry things didn't work out. You have your life and she has hers, and you wish her the best but don't have time to invest in her.

This is the most ethical answer, and I chose it because the question describe it as an obligation. But what I actually did was the one recommended -
The correct answer is Screen Denise's calls repeatedly until she gets the message.

So I have my chickenshit moments. Nobody's perfect.
GentlyFeral
Vivamus

Okay.....
You got 2 out of 12 correct!
Less than 4: We suspect that you enrolled in women's studies but were too enraptured with the eye candy to take notes. The bad news is that the moti-vations and machinations of half of the world's population make absolutely no sense to you. The good news is that free, private tutoring is available.
LOL, this is hilarious.....
-
Blue Bubblegum Girl
teejay

>>>> Any man that claims to understand women is a liar

And I submit that a man who doesn't understand women either hasn't been around many of them, are insecure little twits, or hasn't developed beyond the mental, emotional, or psychological age of the average 14 year old.

I'll never say that I understand ALL women, but I understand the vast majority of them ... uh ... most of the time. Now, mind you... some women (like some men) are psychos and aren't meant to be understood this side of heaven.

But the average red-blooded female? Yeah, I understand 'em, and I know for a fact that I'm not the only man who does.

p.s. Tests like the ones Mindchild linked to give women a bad name, IMO. Or they give the opinions of the variety of female that is the bottom-feeder. If I was female, I'd get in contact with my Congressperson and see what could be done about it. :D
sf

Look at the damage that what one day they uttered in the name of their religion has and is still causing. How can you consciously overlook this monumental dynamic? I can't!!
I'll never get over what was uttered to me ThatDay, 26 years ago. I can only imagine what was said all those days later in the congregation. What is still told to my mother about me and my actions today? Now, as an ex elder, how can you ever really get past the damage you had a gainful hand in??

I expressed this in another thread and thought to put it here as well.
There really is no way possible for any exjw man to comprehend fully his previous damages as an active rank and file member to the fe-male jw. Especially a fe-male child. It carries on into the rest of her life with the rest of her relationships and those to come down her path.
There are so many dynamics to this topic.
sKally
sKally
pettygrudger

Any man that claims to understand women is a liar

And to add to that, and at no disrespect to my breathren! I have to say that most women who claim to understand women (or men for that matter) are liars (not all).
Don't get me wrong, my hubby calls me a nazi-feminist at times. But it seems that our society is sending alot of mixed & wrong signals to our girls and young women, and perhaps this is a good thing - time will tell.
iiz2cool

I don't understand everything about women - and I like it that way! Half the fun is learning about them!
Walter
tinkerbell82

You got 5 out of 12 correct!
4-7: You, unlike the guys with the 9-12 scores, are looking at safety schools. Think about where you got most of your wrong answers. Maybe lots of women are interested in you, but you have trouble taking things to the next level. Or maybe you're great once conversations start, but not so great at making opportunities to talk one-on-one. Either way, you've got enough strength to build on once you identify your weaknesses.
that was silly!
Xena

oops
tyydyy

Any man that claims to understand women is a liar

You can say that again. But then every man who can speak is a liar. Women have trained us to lie to them. How often do they ask how they look? Do they want the truth? I don't think so.
That much I do understand about women. Besides I must be doing something right. Everytime I start dating a women she falls in love with me. I heard that on the second date. Of course, it could be that I've been dating desperate women. :)
Oh! And that test sucks. I only got 3 "correct". Yeah right. I have to agree with Aztec on her answers even if I did guess a couple of them differently. Thanks for the real perspective.
TimB

Do Ex-JW men really understand women?

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