Humourous reasons to go back

by usualusername1 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • Confusedalot
    • I would go back, and every now and then during the assembly yell "hallelujah" out loud just to see the response.
    • Or start speaking in tongues that resemble lord of the rings elfish, and see if any elders or ministerial servants will be able to remove me.
    • What about using a rap skit to place magazines while doing field service with the brothers and sisters. e.g "Watch you back....watchtowers back, boom boom pfff (some beatbox), these mags are going faster than crack....boom boom pff (more beatbox), you think were mad.....boom boom pfff, but its because your bad...pff pff pfff, read this will you...boom boom...or God'l kill you....pfff......I'm Out!

    I apologize for that, not sure what came over me lol

  • polish clarinet
    polish clarinet

    I will go back next month because I have to much time for my family, for playing the clarinet, for reading...

    Days are sooo long without theocratic activities...

  • punkofnice

    Because although it's not the 'truth', it's fairly close.

    Because I get to hang around near the gents lavatories at a$$eb£ies.

    Anthony Morris the 3rd gives me the horn.

    I want to try the unleavened bread with Dorito dip in sauce.

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    @Confusedalot You just made me week, omg.

  • Giordano

    You might be a JW if....

    You tell your wife " I love you like my field service bag."

    If "Memorial Day" isn't in May.

    If you spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball,

    and didn't even have a beer.

    If you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.

    If you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as "a study".

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    You like Zombie movies and it's free!

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Haha, these are great!

    Other possible "professional" career-oriented reasons to go back:

    - need to get some practice on cold-calling people

    - wouldn't hurt to get in some chair-stacking practice

    - public speaking and hand-shaking practice

    - learning (or re-learning) how to tie various ties and knots, or scarves for women

    - learning how to sit attentively and even take effective notes while bored out of your mind

    ... It is actually really difficult to think any reason(s) to return to such an insulated, hateful, narcissisticly-controlled and subjugated environment....!!

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Ok.. Trying to to think of humorous reasons to go back to meetings...

    - because you're a Scrooge who doesn't wish to celebrate Christmas any longer

    - because you really like hanging out with constipated, judgemental, pious, self-righteous, condescending, schmucks and trying to emulate them

    - because you like holding a bible in your hand and feeling like (or "knowing!" 👀 that --) you have been granted special, secret, privileged, knowledge & wisdom from the Creator of the Universe himself!! - the Almighty, Holy, and Grand Jay-poo-bah...!!

    - because somehow - it makes sense/ is reassuring? - to know that there are millions of invisible evil spirit beings watching your every move and who want to hurt you and kill you or tempt you and also want to do these same evil things to your family and loved ones... and that there are also millions of "good" spirit beings who do nothing really except stand around and watch you while they wring their hands and hope that you do the right thing, while apparently the only thing they "can" do is to maneuver you somehow into standing at someone's door to offer a tract or brochure.

    - because gosh darn it, you really like the 1950's and all the values from that era and the 1920's and the 1880's too.... that whole vibe of masculine control combined with religious fervour (fever).....

    And wearing important-looking special suits and ties and maybe hats and topcoats and debonair canes... And fancy box hats and gloves and pretty umbrellas (parasols?) for the ladies too...

    Yes, a whole era of something appearing classy and worthy and having cookie-cutter perfection...

    ... An idea of utopia with values and ethics and morality gone horribly wrong....


    That you are now an ISIS supporter and want to park your rented truck in the congregation meeting and witness to them about allah.


    Sorry, I shouldn't joke about ISIS. Its just as sick as child molestation.

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