Humourous reasons to go back

by usualusername1 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • usualusername1

    In my stand up comedy routine tonight I want to list humourous reasons why I shd go back to JWs.

    How about nobody throws parties like JWs.

    How about JWs being at the cutting edge of fashion.

    How about it being easier for men to get a date.

    Any ideas?


  • sir82

    20 years ago you could say something like "an insatiable hunger for muff-n-eggs and frozen orange juice" but even that has been taken away.

    How about "you're never sure of what other people think of you, and if you return to the JWs, there will be no shortage of people telling you how unworthy you are."

    May need a little polishing.

  • just fine
    just fine

    My husband was joking with me one day and he said something like

    Eat birthday cake? God will kill you

    Give Christmas presents? God will kill you

    buy a two door car? God will kill you

    fornicate? God will kill you

    smoking? God will kill you

    the whole religion can be summed up with god will kill you 😀

    Compelling reasons to join or go back or God will kill you.

    another one: my husband is Catholic. He said you can't scare me with that stuff. Catholics go to hell for all eternity - all you got is god kills you? That doesn't sound so bad. 😀

  • nancy drew
    nancy drew

    When we were witnesses each book study was assigned to feed the speaker after the Sunday meeting. Sometimes when we're on our way to a restaurant my husband will say out of the blue "we gotta feed the speaker" and we'll laugh like going to the zoo and feeding the animals. Sometimes there were people who always had a return visit across town and we would drive there and alot of cars would be in the driveway and they'd say looks like they have company it's not a good time. We would drive around all day counting our time and Joe would always have to stop for chicken at 3:00. Thinking back on all the crazy car groups and strange ways makes me laugh anyway.

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Great religious excuses for cheap people not to spend $$$ anymore on birthdays & holidays.


  • EverApostate

    If I want to stop thinking on my own, I can return to the truth and let my brain snooze off.

  • Ruby456

    get togethers are the best - foods from all over the world - noodles salads chicken - the only things that are on the small side are the bendy paper plates and the forks that break with the first forkful!!!!

    edit: nowadays it is funerals and the get togethers afterwards that are great. A couple of months back a sis sneaked in a dozen evian bottles filled with quite strong rum punch!!! it was great. she may have been a fader, the person who died may have been a fader - who knows - no questions asked.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    If you take up psychology and wish to see psychological phenomena like cognitive dissonance, doubling down, rationalizing wrongs, group-think, etc then JWs are a gold mine of case studies for psychology majors.

    Maybe you can say something like: "Anyone here studying psychology? Show by raise of hand. Go to the nearest kingdom hall! Your psychology professor will love you!"

    "Anybody here studying literature and having trouble understanding George Orwell's 1984? Go to the nearest kingdom hall! Your literature professor will start asking you for answers!"

    Peter Boghossian once said at one of his talks words to the effect that he found Jehovah's Witnesses to a particularly hard nut to crack VIA the street epistemology method. You can find the clip on youtube then you can work it into your routine like this:

    "Peter Boghossian once said that Jehovah's Witnesses are particularly invulnerable to being reached with the socratic method of street epistemology. Folks, these are special people! What makes them so special? How is that they everyone else can be reached but they can't? What powerful methods of indoctrination are they being subjected to? [Then you play a short video clip of Steven Lett saying something ridiculous with his face contorting all over the place]"

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    I have a large number of non- JW family members and the holidays (Xmas, birthdays and etc) and very expensive buying gifts for all. So the money I save if I went back, the list of gifts for family members, girlfriends,co-workers,homeless and orphans something Jehovah detest. Yes I can save that money and purchase JW publications and give this as the greatest gifts of all so my non- JW family members, girlfriends(ex-girlfriends)co-workers,homeless and orphans can learn the meaning of LOVE.......

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Reasons to go back:

    • To get a refresher course on being judgmental toward others.
    • To take a break from thinking on my own
    • For the low brow and low cost reading material they provide
    • To get my moneys worth of wear out of all the suits and ties I bought
    • To have an excuse for not getting involved in my community or giving to charity
    • To be reminded to ratchet my self esteem back a few notches from healthy, to lowly of mind.
    • To be like my old friends and family who like to think of themselves as "faithful" when the reality is, they can't be bothered anymore and have given up searching.

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