Why do so many that leave wind up coming back?!

by nowwhat? 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • nowwhat?

    I have seen so many that have left. And their life turned into a dumpster fire. Most do not live the average life of living in suburbs, raising a family. And such. And then the organization uses such ones as examples of what happens when you leave Jehovah. Thoughts?

  • dubstepped

    Many buy into the notion implanted by the cult that people in the world are wild and crazy constantly. When they leave they think they have to go wild and do anything and everything thinking it will make them fit in. It is a way that the cult gets you coming and going. Even when you leave you have a false impression of what and who you have to be to fit in on the outside. Many ex-JWs go far wilder than those they meet and out "worldly" the "worldly" people. So you leave, you go wild because you think you have to in order to fit in, you burn your life to the ground, and you go back seeking stability and family and are then the poster child for why people shouldn't leave.

  • ttdtt

    They mostly leave because of getting DFed. Most then dont look into the religion and just work their way back because of the pains of shunning. They still think its the truth.

  • scratchme1010
    I have seen so many that have left. And their life turned into a dumpster fire. Most do not live the average life of living in suburbs, raising a family. And such. And then the organization uses such ones as examples of what happens when you leave Jehovah. Thoughts?

    What some people don't seem to realize is that not only the WT brainwashes people to control their lives as JWs, but also convince them of what they claim awaits them if they leave. Some JWs, especially those who get disfellowshipped or leave abruptly for any other reasons, don't prepare themselves for their lives outside.

    They don't limit their indoctrination to how their lives as JWs should be, they also teach that if you leave, you are supposed to be this, become that, or this will happen to you.

    Furthermore, some people end up joining religious organizations and/or cults precisely because they lack the life skills to negotiate with their own lives, hence, expect their god to make things right for them and take care of them. When they find themselves without the cushion of religion, they don't know what to do with their own selves or their lives.

    Not everybody can face the ugly things in life and have the skills to properly cope and have a sense of making it on their own.

  • ToesUp

    I have seen this as well. Some of people leave and make some really bad choices. I have seen a lot leave who have massive depression and have a drinking problem. We have witnessed several who are on prescription meds and they are NOT getting these meds the typical route. Purchasing them on the black market and in foreign countries. We actually know several that are doing this and they are NOT the average publisher. If you get my drift.

    Once some leave, not only do these ones loose all of their social network, they also loose all of their family. Loosing your family is one of the worst forms of abuse. Holding people hostage and ruining families should be a crime.

    My spouse and I have realized that we could possibly loose all of our family. We are fine with that. We don't agree with it but could handle it if faced with it. We are strong people with realistic attitudes. I don't believe that the majority are that strong. Some are DF'd and want their family back. They get reinstated and then fade once that has happened. Some who are DF'd still believe that they deserved what was done to them and need to "set it right with Jah."

    WT uses these people as examples to control the rank and file. They use fear to keep the sheeples in line. So many JW's are disconnected from the "real world." They have pioneered, been need greaters and have been Bethelites. There are so many who rely on family to support them and just don't have the realistic everyday examples of the good and bad of people (all people).

    The movie The Truman show is a fantastic movie for any JW to watch. Trumans life was a TV show and not real. Once he realized his whole life was scripted and fake, he wanted more. A real life. The "protected JW" is the most vulnerable JW. WT tells them how to think, feel and act and they put full confidence in these men.

  • dubstepped

    I think ToesUp makes a great point too about the resultant depression. It's not natural to basically put all of your friends and family on one bus and watch it go over a cliff, to feel that level of loss and loneliness in one fell swoop. People were given one tool to cope their whole life, the false hope of a panda paradise, and now they have no healthy tools at their disposal so they may escape in unhealthy ways.

    Oh, and then there's the shame. You've done something "wrong" and been told that you're a horrible person and since you internalize it this may lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Bad people do bad things.

    So you build a model of a person (often a young person) with little education and poor job prospects, no family or friends, no hope, battling depression, often having to make tough decisions quickly and under pressure to survive, who feel like they're inherently bad and that they have to act out to fit into the new world they've been thrust into. The fact that many of us survive and thrive is a minor miracle.

  • _Morpheus

    Your premise is flawed. By what measure do you say “so many go back”? Meaning, how many exactly do you know who have left and then had disasters and then went back?

    Its a perception thing. You see one or two and assume its “a lot” or feel, because its the total of you observation, that it must apply across the board.

    its easy to understand that some who leave were df’d and they may have emotional problems to start with, hell id be willing to say a lot of those problems were brought on by life in the cult anyway.

    That portion of “those who leave” may well have their lives fall apart, the cult was their support system in an already troubled life.

    How many leave due to principled stand and do great? I know more than a few, myself included. Ive made new friends apart from the cult and expanded my life immensely.

    I think your looking a specific subset, those who are forced out and may have emotional problems anyway, and applying that result to all. Your data is incomplete.

  • TD

    Because some people, for whatever reason are unable to function as adults.

    They need someone to tell them that everything is going to be okay and without that security blanket, they suffer mentally.

    Most religions are capable of filling this niche, but a lot of xJW's never really discard the notion of "false religion."

  • flipper

    As some of you mentioned here - JW's are taught and indoctrinated to be totally afraid of the real world. Due to WT indoctrination they are totally alienated from the real world and fearful of becoming too involved in it. They're told lies about how " evil " or " bad " non-JW's are ; when in reality there are MANY great people on this planet , many of them make much better friends than we had inside the JW cult.

    Some exiting JW people become the WT Society's own self fulfilling prophecy. What I mean is if you are told enough times that " bad, terrible things " are going to happen to you once you leave the cult - then you are already leaning that way, or conditioned to think that only bad will happen if you leave the JW cult. Just like a teenager who gets told by abusive parents that " you're no good '' or " you never do anything right " , the teenager goes out and becomes as bad as the parents say because his failure is their prediction. So he lives up to the low expectations set by abusive parents. I think it's like that in the JW cult. It's like the book The Peter Principle where everybody rises to their own level of incompetence . It's predicted to happen from people's superiors, then they help it happen.

    Doesn't have to be that way though. So many exiting JW's go back to the cult because they do not educate themselves about cult mind control. Even being disfellowshipped they are not aware that they were " mind controlled " and so never lose their belief system of the WT Society indoctrination as their brain neurotransmitters are only trained to think in " JW speak " . So then, they return back to the cult rinsing and repeating the cult abuse that happens to them. Kind of the way I see this. Unless a person totally loses the JW cult thinking- they are in danger of returning to familiar religious abuse

  • truthlover123

    In thinking about leaving, I regurgitate the old thought - Where do I go?... I will lose my friends. but now I am thinking, what friends? I thought that over and determined that I don't really have that many, it's a clickish congregation, age plays a factor in being asked out, as does being single, So really, all the nice smiles and how are you's in passing just don't make for good friends. I have been out of the hall for a month at a time with illnesses, but never received a call.- maybe 2 now that I think of it. Storms -- clean it myself or hire someone... so what am I doing there??

    I have started to reconnect with my family and am having a ball.. they don't smoke, don't drink to excess and have great family get-togethers.....

    Call me slow fade

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