People Asking Me To Help Them Leave

by pale.emperor 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    I dont know if it's due to the last convention, the recent broadcasts, the internet or just plain fatigue - but since the convention i've had a few people contact me via Facebook messenger asking how i am then cutting to the chase asking me what it's like "on the outside" or "how did you adjust after leaving?" and asking me how they can leave the WT but keep their families.

    My reply is always the same, i show real genuine interest and concern and listen to their situation. Then i suggest a fade, how to fade, to ignore or reject elders visits, to not talk about their doubts to active JWs under any circumstances and finally point them to this site. I even have a folder on my laptop with Shepherd The Flock Of God and Crises Of Conscience in there, ready to email them a copy to read.

    Since 1st Nov i've had two more. One is an active member of my old congregation who is fully awake (PIMO). After talking to him for a good while on the phone he said:

    "But... if i leave, i lose everything." which is true. His wife is a full-time pioneer, his kids are best friends with elders kids, his family is in "the clique", he's being groomed to be an elder by his elder buddies, he's self employed and the majority of his customers are JW.

    How sad that simply leaving a group that he doesn't agree with means his life would be destroyed.

    Another person, a girl, even turned up at my door. Her dad in an elder and her problem is if she stops going to the meetings he'll know because they're in the same congregation. She's already secretly dating someone, the man she's dating is a Born Again Christian, so no worries about sex before marriage there. I'm not sure of the exact rule here, but i told her that she could argue that "marrying in the Lord" would apply here because he believes in Jesus wholeheartedly. Anyway, i told her if she does date him publicly she should expect elders visits, judgemental people and interference. She doesn't believe the religion but believes in God. My advice to her was to switch congregation then fade. But she reminded me that her dad is an elder and if she stops going he'll shun her. I know her dad, and she's right, he would.

    As she was leaving (by the back door which leads onto a quiet street) she joked that if JWs saw her leaving my house alone they'd assume we'd had sex. I laughed and reminded her that, yes, that's true. And yet in the real world we're perfectly capable of meeting people of the opposite sex without ripping our clothes off. It's the Watchtower Society that's obsessed with sex.

    What a sorry situation. The religion they were baptized into doesn't even exist. The "new light" has changed the contract as far as im concerned. Overlapping generation? I never signed up to that back in 2004 when i was dunked.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    P.E. I find it so interesting and sad on how trap your friends are. The mental anguish they are all going through just because they don't believe the W.T.. Your experience of your friends feels like a flash back to the pass. What a terrible religion we all came from that makes us paranoid to the point we have to sneak around so we can use our own free will to live our life's as we want.

    To me it looks like your friend's trust you enough to get the answers they need. I hope it turns out well for all of them. Like us they have a hard journey ahead of them. Keep up the good work you are doing. Take care. Still Totally ADD

  • scratchme1010
    How sad that simply leaving a group that he doesn't agree with means his life would be destroyed.

    That is some messed up organization! Thanks for sharing this. I think that there is a lot more awareness of people who have left, and those in doubt are seeing us as a resource.

    Thanks again.

  • pale.emperor

    Thanks Still Totally ADD.

    I think they open up to me because they know there's zero chance of my ratting them out. I'd rather shoot myself in the face than return to Watchtower, and i dont want anyone to be JWs so i have no hidden agenda. My goal is to help them leave and beat the Watchtower Society at their own game by playing the elders rulebook.

    What i do find is, all of them start explaining themselves to me. Like why they're doing this or that thing and "it was only 1 cigarette, honest" and im like "you dont answer to me. Stop explaining yourself"

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    @pale emperor---do you mention this site to them ? or do you think this place is a bit too scary for potential escapees ?

  • Vanderhoven7

    WT religion is an absolute snare.

  • flipper

    Hey Pale, you're a good man and good friend to be helping these folks see the way to freedom ! Keep up the great work ! These JW's who are exiting need a support system and genuine, real people to lean on and assist them to see how to move on in life post- WT life. Good for you, and good for them

  • OnTheWayOut

    All have to weigh their decisions. I think it's wonderful that so many want to find a way to leave, and I hope you find it a compliment that they come to you.

    My decision was that, no matter what, I hadda get outta there. If a fade didn't work, I was still going.

    Maybe some of the big questions need to be listed for people. Stuff like:

    Could you continue going to the KH for the rest of your life for the sake of others?

    Can you think of anyone inactive or barely active that your loved ones do not shun? Why?

    Are you suppressing a lifestyle and feel that you are betraying yourself if you don't say something, do something, leave the witnesses?

    Will it hurt your health/stability/emotional well being more to stay or to leave and lose all that?

  • deegee

    In JWland "marrying in the Lord" means marrying another JW - no other Christians qualify.

  • LV101

    pale -- so good they know you escaped and you're there to help them. There needs to be anonymous support groups.

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