Can’t cope with being disfellowshipped…..Need some advice

by xxBettyBoopxx 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • xxBettyBoopxx

    This site is great, I have been lurking for a while now. But I can’t get reinstated and have used some of the advice already given.

    I was df’d many months ago and go to all the meetings and do all the preparation for the meetings, but the JC committee keep refusing me. Tomorrow at the CLAM meeting I am puting yet another letter in and will be called for another dreadful JC meeting.

    1. What can I say to the elders to show that I am truly repentant?

    2. How is holy spirit guiding them so they know if I am repentant or not?

    3. Is there a set time they make you wait for certain sins?

  • cofty

    Welcome to the forum Betty.

    I have to ask why on earth you would want to go back to a controlling organisation or allow those men to have any power over you?

    There is no holy spirit - otherwise why have elders repeatedly appointed men who turned out to be pedophiles and adulterers as fellow elders? It is just a bunch of mostly uneducated men on an ego-fuelled power trip.

  • nugget

    I can understand the pressure to return especially if you have family who are believers. The recent assembly has reinforced the message that if you are df'd family members must shun you. What the family rarely appreciates is how hard some people work to get reinstated but forgiveness is withheld. If you have challenged the authority of the elders in some way it will take a lot longer to get reinstated than if you have committed a sin. Holy spirit is not involved in their decision.They are men and will be influenced by many things and are not exempt from petty vindictiveness or loyalty to friends.

    I would recommend that you step off the treadmill and take some time out and examine the religion to see if this effort is worthwhile and whether they are worthy of the effort you are making. JWfacts and JWsurvey are good places to start.

    We are so conditioned into thinking that they are the route to salvation sometimes we do not question whether this is the case. Be a Borean and check out beliefs and doctrines before putting yourself through contnued mental abuse.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Welcome Betty. Sorry to hear of your distress.

    As Cofty asked, why do you want to be reinstated? Is it for family reasons, or do you really believe J.W.'s have "the truth?"

    If it's only for the latter, then please review some of my recent posts which compare the org's teachings with what the Bible really teaches.

    I hope you do some research while you're here, and gain a lot of help with your situation.

  • alanv

    Thanks nugget for advice about looking on jwfacts and jwsurvey. They seem like really good sites so far. But I just want to talk to family and friends again. I feel so depressed, confused and alone

    Certainly there is no need to feel alone Betty. There are over a million ex JWs out there, many who can help you through your current confusion. And yes those sites are great. They have helped so many.
  • fukitol

    You should walk in, tell the elders to go fuck themselves, and walk straight out.

    Then get a boyfriend, get laid, and get a life and live happily ever after.


  • gonzobear

    All of the above advice is very good. If you can try and sit tight for a while.

    Ask yourself what love is. This is what the disfellowshipping arrangement claims to hang on. Ask, is it loving to cause you as much mental distress as you're currently undergoing? Is it loving to shun people at the drop of a hat, and to only show them conditional love. These are hard questions, and leaving IS hard, but you've done the hardest part already.

    If you're experiencing really bad depression please go to your doctor, or call a helpline, leaving can cripple people, and the sooner you're able to talk to someone and to build new relationships with people who accept you for who you are the better. Opening up can be terrifying, but people tend to be sympathetic, and empathetic and surprised too at the way you're being treated. Talk, think and rest, and try to imagine a life away from the organisation. How do you want your life to look, what does a good life mean to you, what's your purpose? Ask these things, seek help from others outside, and slowly you can build a life for yourself outside of the witnesses. It's not easy, doesn't happen over night, but believe me, in years to come you'll look back and see how brave you are, and how strong you've been. So many people here have been through the same things.

  • berrygerry
  • fokyc
    How is holy spirit guiding them so they know if I am repentant or not?

    The Elders are certainly NOT being guided by any holy spirit.

  • slimboyfat

    You are supposed to wait six months before asking to get back. If you ask sooner or too frequently this may be interpreted as a bad attitude. Probably best to wait a few months between letters, and always be very differential, never express impatience, and always a knowledge you were in the wrong.

    Then when you're reinstated, don't get caught again!

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