Invited to a talk: What to do?

Fred Franztone

My sister texted me last night with an invitation to watch our dad give his first ever public talk. I don't live particularly near to my family, but I'm not too far from them to make the journey, and I am on good terms with them, having never been baptised and so not disfellowshipped; they don't shun me and likely wouldn't even if I were disfellowshipped, it's not in their character.

I haven't been inside a kingdom hall since 2006, and I would like to keep it that way; I only intend to step inside one again in the event of a family wedding or funeral service. I don't want to be rude to my sister, ignoring the text isn't an option, so I need a diplomatic way of declining her invitation.

I've considered saying that I'm busy, but this leaves things open for her to ask again in the future, and I'd rather she got the message that I'm not interested, without me having to say so in an explicit way.

Any suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation?

sir82

"Thank you for the invitation. My conscience will not allow me to set foot in a Kingdom Hall. I am willing to discuss the reasons with you if you like, but be aware that such a discussion may be damaging to your faith. I will leave it up to you to initiate the conversation if you wish."

ToesUp

We have also had invitations. If you do not explain to them why you won't attend, they will just continue to invite you. If you feel comfortable, speak from your heart. Be honest.

We have had to do this with our family. We told them we love them and nothing will change that. We will be there for them BUT if you don't believe in the doctrines, tell them.

You have one advantage, you are not baptized.

If you dodge them, they will just come back to you with more invites.

If people WANT to be in your life, they will, If not, at least you were honest with them. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Fred Franztone

"Thank you for the invitation. My conscience will not allow me to set foot in a Kingdom Hall. I am willing to discuss the reasons with you if you like, but be aware that such a discussion may be damaging to your faith. I will leave it up to you to initiate the conversation if you wish."

I think that's a little formal and apostate-sounding; I've no intention of de-converting her, I'm happy for her to live her life if she'll let me live mine. I don't want to come across as haughty or superior. I may just have to say that I'm busy on this occasion, as anything else will likely sound too stand-offish and could be damaging to familial relations. This is the first time she's asked since I left so I doubt it'll be happening too often.

We have also had invitations. If you do not explain to them why you won't attend, they will just continue to invite you. If you feel comfortable, speak from your heart. Be honest.
We have had to do this with our family. We told them we love them and nothing will change that. We will be there for them BUT if you don't believe in the doctrines, tell them.
You have one advantage, you are not baptized.
If you dodge them, they will just come back to you with more invites.
If people WANT to be in your life, they will, If not, at least you were honest with them. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

It's frustrating because I have had these conversations with my family, albeit not for many years now. It just doesn't seem to go in, they always believe it's possible that I may come back. It makes everything smoother if the topic just never comes up. It's difficult to know how to approach this; I may use the busy card this time and see how long it is till I receive another invitation.

Wild_Thing

Keep it friendly and non-confrontational. You can decline and still them well.

"Thanks for the invite. I wish I could! Give dad my best!"

Short, sweet, nice.

Fred Franztone

Keep it friendly and non-confrontational. You can decline and still them well.
"Thanks for the invite. I wish I could! Give dad my best!"
Short, sweet, nice.

I think I will be going with something like that on this occasion. Thank you all for your suggestions, it's interesting to see how a variety of people approach this kind of situation.

ToesUp

I think , if you don't want to make waves, that is probably the best way.

scotsman

I agree with Wild Thing’s suggestion. It’s spot on.

Diogenesister

I've considered saying that I'm busy, but this leaves things open for her to ask again in the future, and I'd rather she got the message that I'm not interested, without me having to say so in an explicit way.

Isn't it crazy that we now have to say we're not interested in the religion without actually saying we're not interested in the religion.

They've intimated at the last convention that you should SHUN faders and unbaptised family. Like many Watchtower rules it's a rule that's not a rule. Like saying something without actually saying something. So tread carefully....I think the busy option sounds best, especially if they've only given you a couple of weeks notice....perhaps if u don't work weekends you could say you've given your word you'd help out a friend who does??

OneEyedJoe

As others have mentioned, I think it's probably best simply to politely decline, especially if this is the first invite in a while. If they keep inviting you, it might become appropriate to be more forceful and indicate that their invitations to JW things are not welcome.

One thing that I have found, though, is that being honest is really doing yourself a favor. I'm not saying you have to divulge every bit of information about yourself and your feelings, etc, but just not lying even in minor things can be freeing. In this case, saying "I wish I could make it." I suspect is a lie. In similar circumstances I've resolved not to tell such lies, and as a result I always feel much better about the interactions. I don't come away feeling like I might've supported their worldview by taking the easy (lying) way out. In the end you don't really gain anything with false niceties like that anyway, but they always make me feel sorta dirty afterwards.

Anyway, good luck, whatever you decide!

Invited to a talk: What to do?

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