by Fred Franztone 27 Replies latest jw friends
sparrowdown: Is it a thing now to ask inactive people to someone's first talk because that's about the third time in as many months I've heard reports of it.
Your right, I haven't heard this type of question before and my dad put me in the same situation this month! On my end though, I decided to go. I know this is a life accomplishment for my dad and I don't want to miss it.
My vote is with those that say to attend it for your Dad.
We had "worldly" family attend my first talk and our kids first talk. They didn't convert. They just wanted to acknowledge that this was an important step for us. I gather than you do not want to convey the idea that you are ANTI-JW. You sound like you'll go to Dad's memorial service in the KHall. So, go to his first talk. No big deal.
A lot of inference going on here. Just to reiterate, my dad hasn't mentioned his talk to me; the invite came from my sister and I don't believe she's asking on behalf of my dad, they don't live together. If my dad wanted me there he would ask me himself. It may be my dad's first public talk at a kingdom hall but it isn't his first public speaking gig, he used to work in sales.
If my dad were to invite me personally then it would be different, although I still don't think I would go, for the reasons I've already stated. I detest the Watchtower and everything it stands for; I'm an apostate, an atheist, and by Watchtower standards an immense sinner. If I were to invite my dad to watch me give a talk on evolution, he would not come, and I would not expect him to. Likewise, I'm not setting foot in a kingdom hall if I don't have to, they make my skin crawl.
Going to a wedding or funeral at a kingdom hall isn't going to give anyone false hope as these occasions are not about the organisation. Public talks however are about the organisation. Those who are telling me I should go are making a lot of assumptions about the situation based on limited knowledge of it. I never for a minute implied that I was considering going or wanted convincing; all I asked for was advice on how to diplomatically decline the invitation. It should have been evident that I have many reasons for not wanting to go, some of which I think it's pretty clear are too personal for me to share. No big deal indeed...
Sounds like you have it under control and are not going. I think it a wise choice as you don't want to give false hope of returning and it would make it difficult to decline more invites. You went to one why not more?
jw's always ask what they are not willing to do themselves. Let's say you belonged to a church and were in the choir, on Easter you have a big solo, would your family come to support you? not likely.
"they don't shun me and likely wouldn't even if I were disfellowshipped, it's not in their character."- I hope that is true but I can't say I haven't heard that before only to have that dashed later and the person becomes one of the shunned.
Fred Franzton: If my dad wanted me there he would ask me himself.
You`re right. Its not complicated. He`d have to ask himself.
Fred Franzton: If I were to invite my dad to watch me give a talk on evolution, he would not come, and I would not expect him to.
Carla: jw's always ask what they are not willing to do themselves.
Though both of these statements are true, I personally do not lower my standards based on those of others. In my case, my dad invited me and i know it is a huge deal for him. You're right, my dad would not attend me giving an atheist talk, but that doesn't mean I need to lower myself to his warped standards of reality.
As for others having false hope, etc. That is their problem. Not mine. Religion often stops people from doing the right thing pressing onto them responsibilities that are not theirs to take in the first place. I want to be there for my dad. What people make of this is their responsibility. If they decide to try to harm my dad by talking bad about me, it is on them. If my Dad decides to be influenced by them and even take their side, it is his decision. In the end, I will still be the son that went to see his dad out of solidarity. My actions define me. Their actions define them. Each is responsible for his own path.
Then again, this is a case by case thing. I know it is very important to my dad and you know how your own dad feels about this. So in your case, the response proposed before sounds awesome:
Wild_thing: Thanks for the invite. I wish I could! Give dad my best!"
"they don't shun me and likely wouldn't even if I were disfellowshipped, it's not in their character."- I hope that is true but I can't say I haven't heard that before only to have that dashed later and the person becomes one of the shunned.
It is always possible and I would never rule it out from happening, but they've had 12 years to shun me and are yet to do so. And they know me, they know how important impressions are to me; if they were to shun me they would lose me forever, it would be a 'bad witness' on their part, they wouldn't risk that.
They'll keep talking to me because that's the only way they'll ever get me to return. It won't work, but for me it doesn't matter, they think my eternal life hinges on me returning, and I know that we are all headed for the grave in the end, regardless of where we throw our spiritual hats.
If my conscience allows then perhaps when my parents are on their deathbeds, I may feign a re-conversion, just so they can pass away happy; a little white lie so that they can bow it out with some inner peace. I know this is of questionable ethicality, and if it feels wrong at the time then I won't do it. I could always just pull out the 'Jehovah can read hearts' line.
Each is responsible for his own path.
That's the crux of it. Each family is different, and for some families it may make more sense to go, although there is always the risk of raised expectations and further invitations. For my family it doesn't seem to be so important, if it were important to my dad that I attend, then he would have asked by now.
I replied to the text, and this was the pertinent part, I think this was the best way to do it. I hope it was.
Thanks for the offer but I don't think I'll be able to get down there next Sunday. I appreciate the invitation though. I hope the talk goes well for dad.
but the thought of being in a kingdom hall and listening to (even a mere 30 minutes of) the watchtower's propaganda makes me feel quite unwell,
thats exactly how i would reply. emphasise how in the last 12 years youve had a great life..well away from the wt--and never felt better.
but the thought of being in a kingdom hall and listening to (even a mere 30 minutes of) the watchtower's propaganda makes me feel quite unwell,
Oh believe me, I know it will be torture for me to go. I am not eager to go there at all. But, hey, I`ve been through worst.
