"I'm Perfect, You're Doomed" . Tales from a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing
A must read.
schnell23 minutes ago
Smurf thing? What, that they're "DEMONIZED?!"
I haven't read the book, but I remember some crazy shit back in the day about the dumbest things. Smurfs, Mork and Mindy, the Legend of Zelda... Just ugh.
I don't remember anything about Mork & Mindy, but there were several smurf urban legends circulation among JW congregation in the mid nineties (and obviously before).
- In the first legend a little girl buys a smurf novelty necklace and places it around her neck before going to sleep. The next morning her parents find her dead. She had been strangled by the possessed necklace.
- In the second legend, a little boy brings a smurf plush doll to the Sunday meeting. In the middle of the talk the doll suddenly springs to life and yells "I can't listen to this shit anymore!" He then hops out of the boy's lap and walks out the exit (presumably one of the ushers opened it for him).
Keep in mind that these were not just funny stories told between JW kids during sleepovers. Adult JWs believed this nonsense, otherwise they wouldn't have forbidden their kids from owning smurf paraphernalia.
In the second legend, a little boy brings a smurf plush doll to the Sunday meeting. In the middle of the talk the doll suddenly springs to life and yells "I can't listen to this shit anymore!" He then hops out of the boy's lap and walks out the exit (presumably one of the ushers opened it for him).
LMAO that is hilarious! Yes, wouldn't want to be like that Smurf would you?
I'd just heard that Smurfs were "demons". In your story, it seems they're not only demons but apostates.
With Mork and Mindy, some crazies asked who Mork was talking to in the dark and alleged that since he is an alien, it must actually be Satan. Of course. Nothing can be fun, everything had to be LITERALLY demonized.
The thing that hit my childhood was Zelda. It is as innocuous as you could get and yet the legend was that the game was haunted and would cause problems in your house. My parents threw our copy away, because they said they heard the music playing at night.
Do you know why they heard the music?
Because my brother snuck out of bed to play it.
Those times were superstitious a.f.
Yup...Contrary to all opinions, that smurf thing actually happened to a friend of a friend's cousin's sister's friend at the assembly hall in Australia you see...!
Really, honestly. I know this because as 8 year olds we were told that by the older kids (15 year old) when at an assembly....
(amazing how that story took over the witness world!)
"I'M PERFECT, YOU'RE DOOMED" inspired me to write my own story. Similar method of mocking what I believed, completely different story. I loved it.
Ray Franz and Carl Jonsson covered doctrine so well. Steve Hassan covered general cult stuff so well. But to round out a library, an ex-JW really needs to laugh at his own former beliefs. Kyria helped me do that.
Are all you guys trying to tell me that I'm (jw's) not perfect and this "wicked old world" is not doomed? Holy s**t! That's a scary thought!
I have her book, we've had the conversation here before about Kyria and her book a while back. She's pretty accurate about the JW stuff she went through, but it was pointed out by a few folks here when discussed before that some of the situations she went through she brought them on herself. But all in all I could relate to being brought up in such a wacky cult.
read it years ago. was one of the first bios from my gen. B+ for originality.
This is another great book by an ex-JW who actually knows how to write.
I sent a copy to my adult son to make it easier for him to explain to his Significant Other some of what his childhood was like. I shielded him from the worst of his mother's overboard religiosity, especially after he was about 12 or so. I absolutely forbade his getting baptized until he was at least 18, and fortunately, his eyes were opened well before then. But still, he had to put up with many of the same ridiculous rules and prohibitions that all Witness children are subjected to. He missed out on special childhood memories like holidays and birthdays that many look back on so fondly. He had no close friends except a couple of Witness kids, and that made socializing hard for him when he got older.
I have apologized to him more than once for not shielding him more than I did. He understands that I was trying to maintain peace in the family and provide some measure of moderation. I was genuinely concerned that if I formally left the Truth™, his mother would have left me (citing spiritual endangerment) and taken him with her. The way the courts are, she almost certainly would have gotten custody and I would have been even less able to protect him from her unbalanced and sometimes downright weird ideas about religion. Fortunately, he has forgiven me and we are now closer than ever. He has thanked me more than once for "saving him" from that horrible cult.
Anyway, thanks to this book and others, my son's lady friend understands some of what he went through and why his mom was the way she was. He loves his mom and they see her fairly regularly, but on some issues they have to keep her at arm's length and they are careful to nip in the bud any attempts to preach at them. (His mother and I separated more than 10 years ago and have since divorced.) I now live over 1000 miles away, but my son and I speak almost every day and visit back and forth several times a year.
Reading this book and sharing it with his lady friend has been healing for my son. In spite of his early exposure to the JW's and the mistakes I made in not standing up for him long before I did, he has turned out to be a wonderful young man that any father would be proud of. He is not bitter, but he is very aware of the negative and potentially devastating effects of subjugating oneself to anyone, particularly self-appointed religious leaders and their sycophants.
The best thing I ever did was give him the freedom to think for himself. Over his mother's vehement objections, he chose to go to a Catholic college (mainly because his friends were going there, but also because he had been offered a generous scholarship and they had a strong degree program in finance and economics). There he learned how to think and reason critically and how to do actual research instead of simply parroting earlier publications from a single source. That knowledge has served him well in his life and his career.
Thanks for the tip stuck!
I am reading it now.