Just a really messed up situation

by My Name is of No Consequence 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • undercover

    Did you adopt him as your own son? If so, then legally you have as much right as her when it comes to raising him. If he's 'just' your stepson, with you having no real legal rights, then you'll have to tread lightly. If she, as the legal guardian, prohibits you from interfering, then you may have to just wait it out until he's an adult and you and he can discuss things as adults without needing her permission.

  • out4good4

    Why are you allowing this woman to constantly kick you square in the balls?

    She has a good job.

    Then she should be able to support herself!!!!

  • PaintedToeNail

    Their was once an article in either the Watchtower or Awake that dealt with step families. It indicated that the step-father was the head of the household and the children must be obedient to him as they would their real father. Try to find that article. It was many years ago. Blondie might have access to it, she seems to have access to everything, even the older stuff.

  • Heartsafire

    Wow. You are one strong person to put up with this for so long. You must really love that little guy, and your wife too. Sadly, you can't change anyone. You can only let them know how you feel and work on yourself. Form a relationship doing something with your stepson that you both can connect on and enjoy together. It sounds like he trusts you. Your wife--sheesh--I don't know what to say. I'm suffering the same situation with my husband rn.

  • jwundubbed

    Have you considered just talking to him while she is there? She can't disagree with what you want to say when it is the truth of the situation.

    If she is there, then she can argue the point but she can't make him un-hear what you have said. Just hearing it can have an impact. Cautioning him that he is making a life commitment and what that means can't hurt in her hearing either. Kids often don't think much beyond the present and the near future. Someone should be telling him what a lifetime commitment means, and what happens if he breaks it... not just now or a year from now but five years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now, etc. Someone should be telling him that it isn't just between him and God.

    She can argue against what you are saying but he will still have heard it. And if he hears the arguments then he has to think about those two. Sometimes just introducing critical thinking is a seed all by itself. And if you present it as a concern that he is thinking things through so that he can make the appropriate choices for himself.... not trying to discourage him but making sure he knows how important his decision is... then she doesn't have a great place to argue from. And your son will be less likely to get baptized just to spite you, as kids do with their parents and as kids with arguing parents sometimes do.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Next time your wife is kicking you in the balls, punch her in the foot with your balls at the same instant that she lands the kick. That way it will hurt more. Repeat until you vomit and pass out.

    I hope this has been helpful.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Well, if some of the advice is beyond your desires to follow, at least consider- if you can't talk to him in private, talk to him openly in front of her. Say what needs to be said.

    What's she going to do? - stop having sex with you?

  • steve2

    I think I've read your posts on similar topics before. I cannot remember whether you are a legal parental guardian of your stepson. If you are not, you really are at a disadvantage because your "rights" to be in the fatherly role are not recognized by law. And once the organization deems you to be an unsuitable parent, they will join ranks with your wife and not support you in any meaningful headship arrangement.

    I cannot ascertain why you want to talk to him. You say you want to tell him that he cannot maintain non-witness friends and a possible girlfriend and be baptized.

    Excuse me?!

    In the event he listens to you and cleans up his act by getting rid of his worldly friends and girlfriend, then what? He's reeady for baptism in your eyes? I don't think so.

    I'm inclined to think you should just let his desire to get baptized go ahead because, really, you cannot stop him. Besides, for many young ones baptism is a great big anti-climax and it's downhill from there in terms of their participation in the organization. What are the chances he'll slacken off his involvement once he's baptized? Countless other young ones have done just that.

  • JWdaughter

    Make sure that your son knows that no matter what, he IS your son and you will always have his back. Keep as good of communication (in front of her or otherwise) as you can and do your best not to be acrimonious with mom in front of him. He needs to know how to contact you, no matter what mom is up to or what she ends up doing.

    I guess you are in the marriage for him at this point. You do whatever you need to regarding mom, but always leave a open door to your son. Don't worry about the baptism so much other than to just state the facts when he can hear. If you have no legal rights and no ability to speak privately, then speak publicly and factually and without rancour.

    My son's stepdad never had "legal" rights to him, but I never would have kept him from his stepdad, no matter what. That was his dad and he still is, they still have a good relationship, though we are divorced. I think it is the shittiest thing in the world to play with the hearts of children in a divorce situation.

    Just let him know that your love him unconditionally.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    yeah--let him get dipped. then--in no time at all..satan will tempt him--with his girlfriend maybe--? then he will get d/f'd....then his mother will shun him.

    problem solved.

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