Okay, I'm going to tell you all something I am very ashamed of.
I am a lowly consumer rep for (of all things) a major sports drink, which I can not name because I'm going to talk about something one of our valued consumers said, which is not really ethical. Oh, well.
Anyway, I get a call which, as they usually do, started out innocuously enough.
"Why is it called Fruit Punch when there is no fruit in it?"
"Well, sir, that's just the name of the flavor. Fruit punch."
"There is no fruit in it."
"Well, there is and isn't, sir. While there is no fruit juice, the natural flavor is derived from extremely concentrated fruit pulps. That is where the flavor comes from, fruit. Granted, the amount is so small that we are not able to label the product as having any fruit juice content. But the product does contain a combination of different fruit concentrates, such as grapefruit, apple, berry, pineapple, therefore, it's called fruit punch."
"THERE IS NO FRUIT IN HERE!!! YOU ARE CALLING IT FRUIT PUNCH. THERE'S NO FRUIT. THIS IS DECEPTIVE AND FALSE ADVERTISING. NO FRUIT MEANS IT SHOULD NOT BE CALLED FRUIT PUNCH."
This is where I lost my patience, which is rare for me (and in retrospect, I know I wasn't being monitored, because I'd have been pulled in the office right after the call had it been heard by the supervisors)
LISTEN, sir, I am not going to get into semantics with you. It's called Fruit punch because Fruit punch is the flavor. Passion Fruit is called Passion Fruit because THAT is the FLAVOR. Why don't you call up Coca Cola and ask them why there is no coke in the Diet Coke?
SEMANTICS???? You are telling me ABOUT SEMANTICS? This product is all about semantics. Fruit punch ...#&(@*@, there's no fruit in it. YOU ARE LYING TO THE PUBLIC. YOU ARE SELLING SUGAR WATER (I can't argue there) AND CALLING IT FRUIT PUNCH.
AMERICANS ARE ROBBING AMERICANS. AMERICANS ARE CHEATING AMERICANS. EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY, AMERICANS ARE DEFRAUDING AMERICANS.
(hold on, here it comes)
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE BOMBING AMERICANS. FAKE FRUIT PUNCH. THIS IS WHY 9/11 HAPPENED. IT'S ALL ABOUT BIG COMPANIES DECEIVING THE PUBLIC
He was on a major rant, and I was not even listening any more. I was ready to pull the plug on him until he finally uttered a few more obscenities and hung up on me.
Well now I know the truth. I guess old Osama was pissed off that there was no fruit in the ______ brand Fruit Punch.
I just thought you'd like to know.
I HATE MY JOB!!!!